Flaws Found in Intelligent Design Theory.

In an announcement sure to rock the scientific world, Dr. Jack Harvey, a noted biochemist, claims he has found several flaws in the scientifically regarded theory of "intelligent design".

"There are several aspects to the theory that just don't fit together", Dr. Harvey claims. "Penguins, for example. Why would any intelligent being design such a bird, unless as a cruel joke". Harvey claims that the birds awkward motions and inability to fly are not intelligent at all. "In fact, Dr. Harvey continues, "this bird is the work of a total moron".

Dr Harvey also claims that mosquitos, flies and many forms of bacteria are also not intelligently designed. "Not to mention ostiches", Harvey says, "Have you ever seen a more ridiculous looking animal?"

Harvey claims that even human beings have faults which a truly intelligent being would have solved before being placed on Earth. "Some humans are fine", he said, "while others tend toward obesity or develop some sort of illness. A truly intelligent creator would not have allowed such discrepancies".

Dr. Rob Weinstein, a respected molecular biologist, disagreed with Harvey's statements. "Harvey has no idea what he's talking about", Weinstein stated, "even the smartest of us make little mistakes. To err is human!"

Some scientists say that Havey's claims bolster the ridiculous idea of "evolution".

Cox Merges With Ucker

Atlanta, GA multi-media provider Cox Communications completed its planned merger with Ucker Media, a California based provider of internet services. The company will be re-named Cox-Ucker Inc.

Cox Communications has been a leader in the southwest for nearly 10 years. Most of the men and women in the South have Cox.

“I’ve always enjoyed Cox”, said Phoenix resident Sylvia Grant.

“I have enjoyed Cox for several years”, intoned area business manager John Stelling, “I hope this new Cox-Ucker can do just as well”.

Some people were not quite as enthusisatic about the recent merger. Area business owner Ralph Guspacho said, “Cox-Ucker can suck my (expletive deleted).

Martha Focker, a Cox-Ucker spokesperson said, “with the merger of these two powerhouses we will provided Cox-Ucker to most of the homes and businesses in the southwest and 18 states. This will pave the way for easier high-speed internet, cable TV, telephone and other Cox-Ucker services”.

Focker also stated that the new company will build a 50 story office building in downtown Atlanta, GA. The company plans to remove existing businesses with the newly revised “eminent domain” laws. Focker says that the Cox-Ucker empire is worth more to the community than a few apartments, stores and family restaurants.

“The eminent domain laws save the company money” she stated, “Instead of having to offer three or four times the market rate to buy the businessess out we can simply pay below-market rates and have the government kick them out. Of course, we will pass the savings along to the consumers”.

The company has changed all of its letterhead and business cards. Their office answering system already greets customers with “Thank you for calling Cox-Ucker...”

A spokesman for Qwest Communications, formerly Cox biggest competitor said, “We can’t compete against this Cox-Ucker. We must devise a new plan to prevent Cox-Ucker from driving us out of business!”

Newly appointed Cox-Ucker CEO George Graverly said in a prepared statement, “We intend on providing the best services to our customers and investors. Our new motto is Do Buisness the Cox-Ucker Way”.

There have been fears of massive layoffs and restructuring. To allay these fears, Graverly suggested that people who don't want to work for the company should quit.

When A Cop Pulls You Over, What Do You Say?

Of course, Cops ask stupid questions when they pull people over. And we are forced to give the wrong answer as there is no RIGHT answer.

For example, a cop pulls you over and inevitably says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

How does one answer this? If I say "no" then it looks like I'm a careless and reckless driver with no conscious idea of what I'm doing. If I say "yes" then it looks like I'm deliberatly thumbing my nose at the law. In either case, I am forced to incriminate myself. But we can't exercise our Constitutional right to silence either because that would make us look even more guilty.

Perhaps honesty if the best policy. "Yes sir. I was going 90MPH in a 35MPH lane. Please write me a ticket and bring me to jail."

Nah! That won't work. Anyone have any suggestions?

Save The Trees Before It's Too Late!

A couple months ago I was at Six Flags Amusement Park with my girlfriend. After coming off the Tilta-A-Wheel I headed for a nearby tree to steady myself. I pulled a couple of leaves off the tree. A pot-bellied security guard spotted me and shouted, "Hey You!" At first I ignored him because I didn't realize I am the "you" he was referring to. He approached me.

"Hey Pal, did you just pull some leaves off that tree?"

I put my hand with the offending leaves behind my back and dropped them. "Why no, officer", I replied, knowing full well that he's not a police officer and that no police force in the country would ever even let this guy into the station without locking him up.

"I saw you do it!" Right then I knew that I was busted. "We have rules against people pulling the leaves off trees here!" he shouted. "What would happen if everyone started pulling the leaves off that trees".

I thought about this situation. It had never occured to me before. There are 100,000 visitors to that park every day. There are 300 million people in this country. If EVERYONE pulled a couple of leaves off that tree within hours the tree would be stripped bare! Then they would move on to the other trees in the park and start pulling their leaves off. Within a couple of weeks the entire park would be leafless! People, in their mad desire to defoliate, would then start ripping the leaves off any tree they saw! Within months the entire country would be defoliated! This phenomenon would spread to the rest of the world! People in the Amazon would have the entire rain forest plucked clean in days! The Earth would become polluted with CO2. The oceans would dry up! Humanity and life as we know it would be wiped out within 10 years! The Earth would burn to a cinder!!!

"I'm sorry sir", I said to the guard. "I guess it's a good thing EVERYONE doesn't do that".

"Just don't do it again", the guard said smuggly.

By preventing me from plucking leaves off the tree the guard had inadvertently saved humanity. My girlfiend and I went out and bought corn dogs. I took mine and shoved it up his ass.

Lighten up pal.

Is Porn Really So Bad?

I have heard that porn is considered "degrading" and "offensive" to women. However, most porn also involves guys! Are the guys not offended and degraded? We must ask ourselves "what is porn?" Porn is someone reading erotic stories or looking at pictures of nude women or men for the purpose of sexual gratification. It is an alternative or a precursor to "real sex". However, isn't every one of us the result of some horny guy getting aroused over a nude and (hopefully) horny woman? Thanks to porn even ugly people can get laid! Without naked women, erect penises and moist vaginas babies would not be born, productivity would decline, buisnessess would fail and within a hundred years the entire human race would cease to exist! Let's support Playboy and Penthouse and Hustler as they are paving the way for the future of the world! If porn is outlawed then only outlaws will have porn! As our civilization declines for a lack of porn I, for one, refuse to be the cause of the problem! Let's take off our clothes and run naked into the streets, take pictures of each other and celebrate horniness and procreation! Who's with me?

Mars Probes Vanish!

Being somewhat of a science buff I find it interesting to follow the news of all the various probes and satellites we have circling the Red Planet. However, it strikes me as odd that various "unexplained" things have been happening. A Martian probe had discovered the supposed crash site oof another martian probe but when the probe went to look a second time the supposed crash site had vanished! Another Mars probe was looking into the possibility of life on Mars by detecting methane in the atmosphere combined with water. As the probe went to examine this intriguing area where an abundance of methane was detected that probe too vanished! Of course, we all know methane is created by farting. It is a highly unstable gas that won't exist on its own for more than a couple hundred years. I suspect there are intelligent life forms on Mars trying to deter us from discovering their identity and they are causing our probes to crash! On the plus side, one of the Martian rovers was so covered in dust that it was nearly non-functional. Then, one night, all the solar panels were mysteriously swept clean! Scientists have no explanation. Could there be intelligent creatures on Mars? Or is it more likeley that out space program is inept? Or a combination of all three?

Stained Dress vs Slaughter of a Nation

I'm sure we all clearly recall the Clinton "sex scandal" where Clinton and Monica did some silly things with cigars. Why has that receieved more attention than the ruthless, illegal and unnecessary slaughter and brutal maimining of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens and thousands of our soldiers? Why has Bush's ineptitude toward hurricane Katrina been swept under the rug? Why aren't we reading more about the dismal state of our economy? But, more importantly, why does ANYONE still support Bush and his band of imbeciles?

Christmas is Coming - Fuck Rudolph.

As the Christmas season draws near in this time of "political correctness" I suggest we drop the sappy Christmas story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Though most childrens stories are politically incorrect, few stories in history have been as politically incorrect as this one.

We will note that Rudolph was born with a disability and the other reindeer children constantly taunted him, called him names and probably beat the shit out of him. His red nose was most likely either a genetic mutation or the result of alcoholic parents. This teaches children that "it's not ok to be different". Where was Santa while Rudolph was being so mercilessly harrassed by these youthful miscreants? Why were no measures taken to control the schoolyard bullying? Where were Rudolph's parents?

Later in the story Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh because his nose was a fucking beacon. Rudolph could have taken offense at this point and told Santa to go fuck himself. Instead he plays the hero and accepts Santa's offer to guide the sleigh. THEN all the reindeer loved him! They couldn't just accept him as he was but he had to prove that his mutation had some sort of merit before he would be accepted among his peers.

In todays society such abuse would not be tolerated. Rudolph could have grown into a serial-killing reindeer or engaged in a Colombine-style mass murder. Do we really want our children to be exposed to such things?

Bush appoints gal pal to cushy lifetime post!

Harriet Miers, who has never been anything but a sleazy lawyer, is Bush's newest appointment to the Supreme Court. Isn't that great news! For the next 20-30 years the court is going to be filled with Bush's Teach-Intelligent-Design-In-Schools idiot friends! There was once a time in which Supreme Court nominees served as a judge SOMEWHERE before they were appointed. If my life or liberty was on the line the last person I would want hearing my case is someone Bush appointed. I would be guaranteed injustice!

Saudi Nationals are healthier than poor people.

It seems a Saudia National has been given a liver transplant over 52 others on the waiting list ahead of him. Check out http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2005/ca_liver_transplant.html for more information on how money can buy a longer life span! I suspect the doctors involved here have been, shall we say, paid off? This Saudi guy paid over 300,000 bucks more than an insurance company would have paid. That's enough to keep a couple of doctors in a swanky country club for a whole year! I wish I had that kind of dough. Of course, I'm glad I'm poor enough to not need a liver transplant!

The World is run by IDIOTS!

Lemme see. We have had more hurricanes in the past year than at any time in history. Hurricanes are caused by warm temperatures in the seas. We have Global Warming. Thus, it would seem logical to assume that Global Warming in contributing to these hurricanes. However, the Bush administration and some idiot scientists are reluctant to admit this! An article on Yahoo reads in part:

"Nanette Lomarda, acting chief of the tropical cyclone program division at the
World Meteorological Organization (WMO), also noted that the number of category 4 and 5 storms over that ocean had nearly doubled over the past 35 years.

But it was "premature" to say the frequency and intensity of hurricanes in the past decade -- fueled by higher sea surface temperatures -- is attributable to global warming, she said, adding that more research was needed to establish any link."

Granted, I ain't no chief of any tropical cyclone program, but high school science tells us that there is a DEFINITE FUCKING LINK! I suspect Bush has either brainwashed or paid off this lady as she is contradicting what most intelligent scientists are saying! GLOBAL WARMING CAUSES HURRICANES!

Bush and his idiot friends would never admit to this as admitting to global warming means businesses would have to change the way they manufacture in order to stop global warming. This would be very expensive for the businesses and they would have to raise their prices and not make as much profit. Meanwhile, we all die in hurricanes and the fish die from the warm seas. Get it?

We should all be RODENTS!

If we were all mice we would have found a cure for cancer many years ago and people would be living longer, more productive lives. Now it seems stem cells could save dying hearts in animals - but not people yet. An article in Nature Magazine reads in part:

"Studies have already shown that embryonic stem cells can improve blood flow after an attack in small animals, such as rodents. But in people, ethical controversies have slowed research into the benefits of embryonic stem cells for ailing hearts."

What is so unethical about wanting to save humanity? It seems George Bush and his pals have decided saving people from suffering is "unethical". Maybe we need a new definition for "ethical"?

It's not GLOBAL WARMING...It's BUSINESS!

It seems a Federal Judge has decided that people do not have the right sue the utilities industry for destroying the atmoshpere thus endangering all our lives. Instead, it's the decisison of out fearless leader GW Bush to decide these things. The article in Yahoo News reads in part:


"A New York federal judge dismissed a global warming lawsuit brought by eight states and the city of New York against five utilities, saying the issue is one for Congress or the president, not the judiciary.

The states filed suit against American Electric Power Co. Inc., Southern Co., Xcel Energy Inc., Cinergy Corp., and the Tennessee Valley Authority public power system in July 2004 asking the court to force the utilities to cut their carbon-dioxide emissions."

Now, I must ask, do you think Bush is going to do anything about these companies causing Global Warming? Bush has repeatedly placed business above human life. Here's a man that actually believes in creationism and thinks the world is 10,000 years old. Could we possibly have a stupider person in charge of the destiny of the world?

The US Constitution is Squeezeably Soft!

Between Bush and the Supreme Court the Constitution has become nothing more than toilet paper. Bush and his cronies have trampled our rights out of existence. Only the rich and large corporations have "rights". Jose Padilla, an American citizen, has been locked up as a suspected terrorist for two years WITHOUT CHARGES! It seems The Supreme Court has ruled that this is OK! Whatever happened to that old-fashioned "due process" stuff? Bodies are floating down the streets in New Orleans because Bush would not allow federal money put toward strengthening levees and delayed depoying National Guard troops were not deployed until too late despite the governor begging to do so. Bush seemed to do a noble thing when he started giving out $2,000 vouchers for the hurricane victims then abruptly stopped the program - except for people in the Houston Astrodome in Bush's state of Texas. Halliburton has been directed to do the "rebuilding" of Louisiana and Mississippi in a no-bid contract. Small businesses are being torn down under "eminent domain" laws so large businesses can put up shopping malls. Hundreds of thousands are dying in Iraq for no reason. He has repeatedly stated his objection to stem cell research which could alleviate suffering for millions. How many bodies does it require for America to wake up and realize this man is UNFIT???

We must blame the people.

I'm afraid we must blame the people for their suffering in the aftermath of Harricane Katrina. The people in these affected areas are primarily poor, uneducated, mostly black and are the antithesis of everything Bush and his administration represent. If these people only had the the good fortune to be born into white, upper class families and had expensive homes then the levees would have been strengthened long ago, the National Guard would have responded much faster and much of this disaster would have been averted or dealt with more quickly and with a minimal loss of life. There would be no bodies floating or SuperDomes erupting as the people would have simply gotten into their late model Mercedes or BMW's, checked into fancy hotels and immediately purchased new homes elsewhere thus contributing to the economy. So let's not blame the government for what is glaringly the peoples fault!

Micheal Moore

Please read Micheal Moore's blog and the article in it from Cindy Sheehan: http://www.michaelmoore.com/

Bush Declares War on God

(Washinton DC) - In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina President George W. Bush announced war on Heaven and God.

"We must take God out", Bush said in a statement this afternoon. "These 'Acts of God' have caused widespread problems for me and my administration. He has instigated tsunamis, disease, earthquakes, floods and now the devastation of hurricane Katrina. These acts of terrorism against the American people cannot be allowed to continue."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld reiterated Bush's statement and drew up a military line of action against The Almighty.

"We will be withdrawing troops from Iraq and Afghanistan in an all-out attack against the evil dictator God and his armies in Heaven", Rumsfeld said in a prepared statement. "The devastation of Katrina alone makes 9/11 look like a circus act". When asked what he meant by "circus act" Rumsfeld replied, "You know, a cirus act, you idiot. Do I have to explain everything?" Rumsfled continued, "we cannot allow the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. God got more Weapons of Mass Destruction than even the United States! This war may have to be nuclear as conventional weapons won't reach the heavens".

Dr. Condoleezza Rice, the Assistant to the President for National Security Affairs, commonly referred to as the National Security Advisor, said "anyone found worshipping or making offerings to God will be imprisoned. This includes all Christian, Jewish and Muslim churches, synagogues, temples and home Bible studies. Buddhist temples and other non-deity religions will be exempt from this order".

Some Christian rights organization has expressed dispproval with Bush's plan. Rev. Stanislaw Fortran of Holy Roller United Methodist church said, "haven't we done enough to piss God off? This is just gonna piss him off more! All he has to do is snap his fingers and he'll wipe out the planet"

"How can you declare wat against something that doesn't exist?" asked a local area Buddhist who asked not to be identified. Rumsfeld was unavailable to comment on this important issue.

Bush has reportendy aligned with Lord-of-the-Underworld Satan as his ally. "Satan and I have been working well togther since the beginning of my administration, Bush said, "He has promised to assist me in my planned takeover of heaven and the removal of God from Power".

Bush has also drawn up a new Constitution for the People of Heaven. "The People of Heaven have been under this dictator for too long", Bush said. "We have drawn up a Constituion to allow them to freely elect a new God every four years".

Satan was unavailable for comment.

Hurricanes, famine, death and other Acts of God.

I am a Buddhist so I am probably not qualified to write about this but I grew up Catholic. Why is it that natural disasters are refered to as "Acts of God"? As I recall, God is supposed to be loving and forgiving. The Hurricane in Louisiana is a giant Act of God. Maybe God is really an asshole?

We now have "reverse evolution".

Throughout mankind's anthropological history the more intelligent apes have always been the ones to survive while the lesser intelligent apes perished. However, now that we have evolved into 21st Century Humans, our course of evolution is starting to turn back. Less-intelligent people are mating with equally inferior intellects thus producing many children of even lesser intellect than their parents. Meanwhile, the smarter beings are using birth control as they are aware that the population of the Earth is nearing its maximum and the smarter people are also aware of how difficult it is to feed more than 2 children. As more and more lesser-intellects are entering the work force we begin to see tell-tale signs of "devolution" such as increased crime, more war, more poverty and electing George W. Bush as President.

Thank God for Chocolate!

Scientists have discovered that chocolate contain flavenoids which have potent anti-cancer properties. That's great news! This means that we don't have to feel guilty about eating chocolate anymore! When people tell you that you eat too much chocolate simply tell them, "If I don't eat chocolate I will get cancer and die!" I have often wondered how my grandma has so far lived to the ripe age of 100 despite being a heavy smoker then I remember the gobs of chocolate she always had in the house.

Men working my ass!

I took this photo in the Arizona desert. Not a soul around for miles! And the sign seems s bit sexist to me. A woman can do nothing just as well as a man!

Everyone must die!

Once again, Bush has invoked the sacred name of 9/11 to justify attacking Iraq (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050820/ts_nm/bush_dc). The thing he and many pinheads don't seem to comprehend is that Iraq had NOTHING TO DO WITH 9/11! Why isn't there a bigger public outcry against this war? During the 60's we had anti-war rallies, pot smoking, peace signs and general defiance. I find it deplorable that ANYONE would support this war! I sopke to a Christian the other day and he (and many other Christians) supports the war! Did Jesus say, "if they don't agree with us, kill them" or "do unto other BEFORE they do unto you"? I think if Jesus was here he'd just shit.

Grown up female teachers have sex with young male students.

Beth Giesel, a female teacher, had sex with one of her male students. So, what's the problem here? Granted, the lady is a bit twisted for having sex with a 13 or 14 year old but I doubt the young man was "traumatized" by the event. Does she need to go to prison while all the boys friends are high-fiving him saying, "cool dude!" I would have loved to have sex with Ms. Charles or some of the other hot teachers I had at that age. Is this rape? Prior to the 19th century if you were not married by the time you were 16 you were considered a homo. It may be different for girls but I have heard that the "Virgin" Mary was only 13! God did it to Mary when she was just a kid! Who's gonna lock up God?

Why is Bush still free?

We finally locked up the notorious Dennis Rader, the famed BTK serial killer. Hooray! After all, he murdered 10 people! But the most heinous serial killer of all, George W. Bush, is still walking around a free man! He has needlessly killed hundreds of thousands and left a nation in shambles! His opposition to stem cell research may result in trmendous suffering for millions of people far into the future. His economic policies which favor big business over the individual will leave us and our grandchildren striving to survive! If a non-leader-of-the-free-world did one one thousand of the things Bush does he would be executed immediatly. Why not do the same to Bush???

Leaving the toilet seat up.

I once asked my girlfriend why she was so upset about me leaving the toilet seat up. She explained, "when I was nine years old my Uncle left the toilet seat up and I fell in". So I figured it out. She takes about 6 pisses a day for 47 years. That makes 102,930 pisses. Out of that 102,930 pisses she falls in ONCE??? That's not enough for me to have to bear this burden of putting the seat down for the rest of my life. Now, if she had fallen in, say, 5 or 6 thousand times then I would say she has a legitimate complaint. Also, I take a crap every day and I've never fallen in! And I've never pissed on the toilet seat when it's been left down! Some things I may never understand no matter how often it's explained to me. I guess I'm...A GUY!

I can't eat enough!

I went to an "all-you-can-eat" Chinese buffet yesterday. The whole thing cost only 4 bucks so I won't complain about the poor quality of the food. As I was sitting there eating my meager portion two enormous fat people came in and heaped huge piles of food onto each of their plates. After they consumed enough to feed the Seventh Fleet they went back for seconds - then thirds! I struggled to have a second tiny plate but I couldn't finish it. I'm thinking to myself, "those people are getting a great deal. They couldn't eat at home for that price. I am the one getting ripped off!" But I began to remember that this is America! The Land of Plenty! Obesity is rampant here. I am the one who is being left out! Even with my extra 10 pounds I am only 185lbs. Each of these folks must have been in the 400lb range. Someday I'm going to fast for two days, smoke a joint then go into that place and eat EVERYTHING! I will be there from opening to close.

What the fuck is this about???

I noticed I had a new comment on one of my postings this morning and it seems some pinhead is trying to get me to invest! I recall the good old days when spam was reserved for email. Now it has festered into blogger comments. At first I thought to myself, does anyone really think this type of "advertising" really works? Is there a single individual in the world who would fall for this bullshit. But then I remember, this is the country that voted for George W. Bush so anything stupid is not outside the realm of possibility. Is anyone else getting this??? Here's the post:

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All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such. We may own,
take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or
involve discussions with respect to predictions, goals, expectations, beliefs, plans,
projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance are not statements of
historical fact and may be "forward looking statements." Forward looking statements are based
on expectations, estimates and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a
number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially
from those presently anticipated. This newsletter was paid four thousand dollars from a party
(IR Marketing). Forward looking statements in this action may be identified through the use of
words such as: "projects", "foresee", "expects". in compliance with Section 17(.b), we disclose
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# posted by joeyss04wenelson : 2:33 PM

The Space Shuttle - another Bush Success!

When the Colombia Shuttle exploded on re-entry into Earth's atmoshpere NASA spent over $1 Billion to make sure the foam didn't come off the rocket of the next shuttle as it jettisoned into space. So what happens? The foam came off as the Shuttle jettisoned into space! You would think that for a BILLION DOLLARS a team of scientists could find a strong enough glue to prevent that from happening again! As we see, everyting GW Bush touches turns to shit! I think we should put Bush into space. And make sure those heat shields are broken!

Stem cells are people too?

There have been a few times in history in which we have elected an idiot into the White House. For example, Warren G. Harding was a pretty dim bulb. But no one compares in idiocy to George W. Bush. He opposes stem cell research on "moral" issues yet send out soldiers off to a foreign land to kill without hesitation to fight an unnecessary war. Ted Bundy killed about 200 women. Jeffrey Dahmer only killed about 20 people. Bush has killed hundreds of thousands in war alone. His opposition to stem cell research will undoubtedly result in the death of millions. Bush has earned eternity in hell.

Grand Theft Auto has a HIDDEN SEX SCENE!

The most violent and dangerous video game to ever hit the market is now being owtlawed by many major retail outlets because it has a hidden sex scene! Grand Theft Auto does not hide the fact that it glorifies car theft and murder but heaven forbid there should be a sexual reference in there! This reminds me of the time I was 12 years old and my mother called the movie theater to find out why "Dirty Harry" had an R rating. She was told it's because of the violence. My mom said, "just violence? Oh, OK". That was OK for us to see! But my folks nearly freaked out when a couple of nude women appeared on the screen! In todays world violence is encouraged whereas sex and pleasure are discouraged. One President is impeached for having sex while another President is glorified for causing war. I hope we see the day when that turns around. I would like to have parents calling the cinema and allowing their kids to see the film if it's "just sex"!

Bush tells truth about socks

Washington (AP) - President George W. Bush who is notorious for being a compulsive liar actually told the truth at a press conference this afternoon. Near the end of the press conference Bush was asked by CNN Correspondent Dick Long what color socks he was wearing. Bush replied that he was wearing blue socks. Knowing that Bush always lied, Long insisted that Bush prove his statement. Bush lifted his pant leg and revealed, to the amazement of the media, that he was indeed sporting blue socks! Even Bush himself was surprised and he said, "well, I'll be damned!"

Later in the afternoon Bush changed into green socks but still insisted they were blue.

Long reportedly lost a $100 bet with an unnamed Fox News correspondent.

This was the first time since 1972 that Bush has actually told the truth. The 1972 incident involved an accident between Bush and an elderly woman pedestrian whereas Bush was high on cocaine and took responsibility for the crime. However, a Houston area lawyer managed to get Bush to recant his confession and his father managed to get the case and all reference to it dismissed. The elderly woman died later that day ay a nearby hospital. "She would have died someday anyway" , Bush reportedly quipped.

When told about her sons truthful statement, former First Lady Barbara Bush just beamed with pride.

“I knew he would be honest someday”, she said. “When George was a little boy he chopped down a cherry tree in our back yard. I asked him if he chopped it down and he replied, ‘no mother, I did not chop down the cherry tree. But if I did do it then it was for the good and benefit of the American people’. After that I baked him a pie”.

His father George Bush, Sr. Was equally impressed. “Barbara and I raised him to be truthful and honest”, Bush lied.

The Politics of Hair

It's mostly about the hair! We all know that the majority of American men 40 and over are showing signs of baldness. However, Since the days of John F. Kennedy, one of the main deciding factors of who becomes President lies in the amount of hair a candidate possesses. As history shows, Kennedy won the election against his lesser-coiffed opponent Richard Nixon. Lyndon Johnson was balding but he was following the lead of his predecessor JFK. Richard Nixon had a "widows peak" but he always ran against bald or balding opponents thus insuring his chances of victory. Gerald Ford was a bald President but he was appointed, not elected. Then he lost the election to the fully-maned peanut farmer Jimmy Carter. Carter lost the election to the thick, slick-haired Ronald Reagan. George Bush the First, albeit slightly balding, was a bit of an anomaly as he ran against the golden-haired Mike Dukakis. Dukakis lost the election not because of his hair but because he was too short and there are too many syllables in his name (every President since Johnson has been over six foot and has a one or two syllable name). Bill Clinton obviously had the full tresses of a President. George Bush the Second also has all his hair thus ensuring his victory despite being a total idiot and war mongering piece of shit. John Kerry may have had TOO MUCH hair. A haircut may have improved his chances of victory. Is it simply coincidence that every President in the last 40 years has his hair, been tall and has easy-to-remember names or has the mentality of America simply declined so much that we no longer look for issues and qualifications than we do for appearance?

The wonderful HIPAA laws!

If you're in the hospital and dying you better not expect anyone to come visit you! It seems our privacy is very important to the government. Thanks to the fairly new HIPAA (HEALTH INSURANCE PORTABILITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY ACT) laws we can expect so much privacy that hospitals can no longer even tell your friends and loved ones if you are in there without your consent or a court order. The only people they can tell are government officials! So if you are dying you can expect a call from the IRS but not your best friend. This means that if you are in an accident and breathing your last no one except government bill collectors and other people you hate will be able to see you. My dad has been in a nursing home for the past 2 years. Every so often he must go to the hospital for some procedure or another. The nurses have no problem asking me if I will consent to a life-saving procedure but they have to be screamed at to reveal his diagnosis! One time I insisted on knowing his medical condition and the nurse very abruptly replied, "I'm sorry sir, the HIPAA laws forbid revealing a patients medical condition over the phone". At the time I was living in Boston, nearly 2,000 miles from where my dad was in Florida and he has Alzheimers and is unable to give his consent. I screamed, "Fuck the HIPAA laws! Tell me my fathers fucking prognosis!!!" OK, I didn't say Fuck, I said "damn" but Fuck would have been a better word. The people at the nursing home won't even reveal his medical condition to me because of the sacred HIPAA laws. I can see myself intubated someday wondering why no one has come to see me then I'll remember HIPAA. Now we can have so much privacy we can all die alone! Isn't that swell?

Let's hear it for Government Bureaurcracy!!!

Let's not forget how important Bureaurcracy is to this country! Bureaurcracy gives jobs to those who would not be intelligent enough to get one otherwise! If it were not for Bureaurcracy we would have millions more homeless! Next time you talk to an idiot government official after being kept on hold for endless hours and he transfers you to another government department who also leaves you on hold for endless hours then to be transfered to another government official who says "please hold" then transfers you back to the original number you called in on and they put you on hold you must very compassionately say to yourself, "because I am left on hold these people have jobs and are able to contribute to society and buy things at Walmart. They are NOT homeless!" When you trealize the good you are doing maybe a tear will come to your eye and your heart will be full of goodwill toward men. Or you'll just want to rip their fucking heads off.

Eminent Domain!

Well, well, well. Did you know that the government can force you out of business, destroy your home and ruin your life if it's for "the Public Good"? The Supreme Court has ruled that Big Businesses can stomp all over small businesses, steal their property and squish their buildings! It seems the eminent domain laws have been twisted beyond comprehension for the purposes of making the rich richer. All across the country people are being forced off their land so developers can build more expensive homes and shopping malls with really cool water fountains so the cities can reap more tax dollars! There was once a time when "eminent domain" could only be used for government purposes. Now it can be used by anyone with enough dough! Isn't that swell? The US Constitution has become nothing more than toilet paper as it has been so horribly manipulated by the Supreme Court! . There is no longer freedom of the press, freedom of speech and now there is no freedom to even live in your own home. The rich have taken over this country and the Supreme Court basically says "fuck everyone else"!

Saint Poop John Paul II

The dead Pope John Paul II is now going to be a Saint! Isn't that swell? The Vatican council voted to make the dude a Saint. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050628/ts_nm/pope_johnpaul_dc;_ylt=Ajk_04uaQg1AiRMZRbkfqmBZ.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl
- Now, I have to ask myself, what exactly IS a Saint? Poop John Paul II went into overpopulated, starving countries and told them not to use birth control! He ignored the AIDS crisis and went so far as to blame the sufferers! He looked the other way while Priests were fondling altar boys! Are these the actions os a Saint??? Damn! All I've ever done is fooled around with married women and pissed outside a Church. I should be a Saint too!

I'm going to sue the Catholic Church!!!

I'm going to sue the Catholic Church!!! As too many people have, I grew up Catholic. I was an altar boy for St. Cecilia's Church from the ages of 11 to 13. I have read so many stories of priests sexually abusing children, particularly altar boys. In the two years I served at our church not one of the three priests ever assaulted me once! Do you know what this does to my self esteem realizing that I was not pretty enough or studly enough to be assaulted? I see my old school friends driving fancy cars and living in fancy homes with the profits they got from the Catholic Church scandal while I sit in my rented house driving an old Toyota! I want my piece of the pie! Granted, I gave up Catholicism when I was 17 because the whole religion is bullshit but that shouldn't excluse me from getting a few hundred grand to repair my damaged self esteem! I'm going to sue! Let the healing begin!

Is being gay a choice?

It seems everyone has an opinion as to whether being gay is a product of genetics, environment, societal conditioning or a combination of the three. A beefy Republican friend of mine -- who claims to be "super straight" -- argues that it's a choice. He's totally anti-gay and brags about how much he hates gays. During our conversation I tried to be diplomatic with him, seeing as he was 6'3 and over 300lbs, but a moral sense of righteousness dictated that I stand my ground and prove to him that he's wrong. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Being gay is not a choice.

Him: Of course it's a choice!

Me: Look, when you were a teenager did you "decide" that women were going to make your dick hard and men were not or did it just sorta happen all by itself?

Him: I decided!!!

Me: Ok, you decided. In order for it to be a "choice" then you must get turned on by both men AND women! That means that YOU are gay my friend!

Him: I AM NOT GAY!!! (He pounds his fist on the desk and glares at me. Then he starts ranting and raving) WHO ARE YOU TO CALL ME GAY?? I'M A MARRIED MAN WITH TWO KIDS!!! I OUTA WHIP YOUR ASS HERE AN NOW!!!

I guess "ass-whipping" is a sure sign of "not being gay". His face turned flush with anger. At this point I ran for the door with him in pursuit. I was fast enough to escape him as staying in one place would have meant certain death. I haven't heard from him since.

No doubt about it. He's gay.

More love with Russian Bitch...I mean strangers

Dear readers, I have been occupied with other matter such as trying to save the world and have been unable to write much on this blog. For the time being, here's another love letter that I will never answer from CupidBay.com. This lady implies that she is a total bitch but then goes on to tell me how horny this will make me:

Hi. I’m writing to you because I need such a close person in my life who will be always with me in every situation. The person, who is so close, that you will feel him even in the distance. But you will be looking very forward to meeting him.
I want to love with my whole soul and to live for the sake of it. I believe, that it will be so, that he will hear the shout of my Soul.
From my point of view, feelings play the most important role in our life; it is strange, but to all relatives I have an analytical mentality. You know, some coldness by external consideration does not show the stone heart at all, on the contrary, it can be so hot, that it can melt the ice in the heart of another person.
It is rather difficult to collect all my thoughts together to express everything I’d like to tell you about. I just hope, that the impulse of my Soul will be heard and you will necessarily answer me this message and we shall communicate with you!!!!!!!!!!! Write to me the letters on mine e-mail: Lydmilavall@yandex.ru!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With impatience I shall wait for your answer!!!!!!!!
Lydmila!!!!!

You can find love online with Russian strangers!

Just for kicks I signed up with cupidbay.com. I have no interest in meeting a lover through the internet but wanted to see what kind of responses I'd get. Almost daily I get an emial from some young Russian babe who wants to get to know me better. Here's a typical email:

Greetings
How do you feeling, I simply wanted to communicate with you, it would be cheerful I think.:) Do you not against it? I know that man should take first step. But it is the Internet it gives a lot of freedom from usual stereotypes. I here spend not so a lot of time. Now I will describe a little myself, I am 24 years, my growth 168. but I think that better if you will look my photo... I hope you like it. I have frozen in this pic :) there are was a good and warm weather and I in the morning has put on easily and then the strong cold has suddenly come and even there was a snow. ооо I have a little distracted :) if you wish you can write me on my mail ekobisheva@list.ru I hope that you will write to me. By the way this your real name? :)

The fact that she is frozen may explain the overly-pointy nips and red blushing face (not shown in this blog). Her English sucks and she obviously wants to meet an American dude for money. All my readers may feel free to write her at the email address provided. I sure as hell won't.

The Universe is about to end.

I have heard from Divine Authority (Heaven's weekly newspaper) that the Universe is about to end. God is a businessman. He invested in the universe over 14 billion years ago and still has yet to make a profit. The bank is going to forclose soon and turn the universe into a parking lot. Be prepared!

Maybe this is Bush's dream?

As Mr. Bush has never found any Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq nor any reason to attack them at all he decided it was best to attack them so they can have "freedom and Democracy"! Isn't that Noble of him? Because of the US all those Muslims will soon be worshipping our God - the REAL CHRISTIAN God - Not that silly Allah God they've been worshipping. We all know, OUR God is better than THEIR God, right? Soon the children will be wearing stylin Lands End clothes, Wrangler and Levis jeans and Nike sneakers instead of those ridiculous robes and sandals they wear now! Before you know it there will be Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Creme in every town and hamlet! All the chldren wil flock to McDonald's and Burger King and get fat just like American kids! The men and women will all drink Budweiser and eat Little Debby snack cakes! The schools will all teach about how wonderful America is and how much they love us for bringing them Democracy and all around the country they will sing "God Bless America"!

Then they will vote idiots into office like we do! Wouldn't that be just swell?

What was in Popeye's can?

We are all familiar with Popeye, the loveable "spinach" eating sailor. Was that REALLY spinach in his can? We will notice Popeye would consume a leafy green substance and within seconds become quick to anger, impervious to pain and with the strength of 10 men. We all know spinach does not produce this effect. I suspect Popeye actually consumed a volatile cocktail of hashish, angel dust perhaps laced with PCP and spinach as a chaser. It should be noted that Popeye frequently injected this substance through his pipe. Also, we notice his love interest was the anorexic and possibly heroin-addicted Olive Oyle. Who was the father of her bastard child SweetPea? What happened to SweetPea in school when the kids made fun of him because of his sissy name? This was never explained in the cartoon. Many cartoons showed Bluto kidnapping Olive for the intention of getting a little "kiss". Also, one cartoon showed Poeye and Bluto living together as members of the "Woman Haters Club". Does this not imply Popeye and Bluto were having a homosexual affair? Could Popeye have been the early impetus for homosexuality, drug addiction and rape in todays youth?

How to live a long life!

My grandma turned 100 in January and she's still kicking. Of course, she did all the right things to live to that age. She smoked 2 packs a day, never exercised, ate fatty food and liked to drink like a lush. Now that she's 100 and living in a nursing home she has cut down on her smoking. But she still craves donuts and sweets. They say each cigarette takes 7 minutes off your life. If she didn't smoke she would have lived to be 137! And if she exercised and ate right she should have made it to 200 easy!

Changing World Technology

There is a company called Changing World Technology (http://www.changingworldtech.com/) that has harnessed the powers of nature and creates actual cleaner-brning crude oil from garbage! This should be the news of the century, right? We could drmatically reduce landfills, reduce our dependence on foreign oil and help clean up the atmosphere. However, for some reason, Congress is taxing the hell out of their technology and trying to supress what they do! You would think they would be funding this company as an alternative energy solution! Can there be any doubt that Congress is in bed with the oil companies?

Is anybody reading this?

Let me know if you are reading this blog. If you are not, let me know that too.

The Japanese are building a nuclear plant then why can't we?

The Japanese are building a nuclear plant to make plutonium but we give shit to every other country that does the same thig. The difference? MONEY! Everyone in Japan is loaded. North Korea and Iraq don't have enough dough! Also, there is no oil in Japan. I love Japan but I see no reason for them to have a plant for making plutonium -- unless they plan to build nuclear bombs! Pretty soon EVERYONE will have their own nuclear bomb. There goes the neighborhood!

Lyndie England loves Dick

Lyndie is now being allowed the opportunity to plead "not guilty" despite the photos of her with a big shit-eating smile on her face surrounded by naked Iraqi men! She gave the clever "I was just following orders" routine. It seems to me the Nazis also employed the "I was just following orders" routine when asked about committing atrocities but they were put to death anyway! Of course, out fearless leader G.W. Bush knew about all the shit that was going on over there as did Generals and other military brass but they actually condoned it! Could you imagine if the gender roles were reversed and it was a man forcing a woman to masturbate or surrounded by a group of naked women? Shouldn't our government be held to task and, if neccesary, overthrown?

Dorothy and OZ - the true story.

We always think of Dorothy as being the little simpleton who is abused by forces beyond her control but now it's time for the REAL story.

We recall when the movie changed from black and white to color. That's when everything went wrong! Dorothy's house landed in OZ and she kills this lady - the Witch of the East - with her house. That's murder! Instead of being regretful Dorothy and everyone in OZ is celebrating! Then, the so-called "Good Witch" Glenda shows up and convinces Dorothy to steal the dead lady's shoes! The lady ain't even cold and they're stealing her stuff! After a few minutes the grieving Witch of the West shows up and requests her late sisters shoes. Being next of kin she's entitled. But Dorothy and Glenda won't give her the shoes! Dorothy should have been locked up for that crime alone!

Anyway, Dorothy "The Sociopath", her little dog and the stolen shoes go skipping off down the Yellow Brick Road until they come across the scarecrow. Her's a kid about, what, 12 or 13 years old? She asks the scarecrow, "which way should I go?" The scarecrow replies, "some people go this way, sme people go that way and some people go BOTH WAYS!" The implication that it's OK to be a lesbian!

A while later Dorothy and her three boyfriends lay down in a big field of poppies. POPPIES!!! They're all laying there stoned off their asses until the "Good Witch" Glenda comes and talks them down!

Later in the movie Dorothy kills the other witch!

So, Dorothy has only been there a couple of days and she becomes a murderer, a thief, a lesbian and a drug abuser! Do we really want our kids to be watching this???

Everyone can read minds!

I have known this for a long time but scientists are now coming to the conclusion that everyone can read minds (http://story.news.yahoo.com/s/space/scientistssayeveryonecanreadminds;_ylt=AgbC8oB33bhc4sSR.2ZIj2APLBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl)
Now, I know what you're thinking. If Jeff can read my mind does he know that I have the hots for him and I want him to see me in a sexy negligee and fishnet stockings? I hope it's not one of my MALE readers who is thinking this! In that case, keep your thoughts to yourself! But if you are female then think away!

Has anyone ever had sex with Condoleeza Rice?

Of course, we all know Condi is a murdering, lying no good bitch who should have her head put on a skewer and rotisserie grilled but has anyone ever slept with her? It seems that even a woman obsessed with power like her must get banged every once in a while. I could only imagine her in a leather bustier and stockings with a whip in one hand and a paddle in the other as she strikes down with forceful blows screaming "get hard you son of a bitch!!!". Perhaps she's too busy fucking the American people and the world to even THINK about her own needs. What a selfless individual!

The "Virgin" Mary

There's another vision of the "Virgin" Mary out there http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/04/20/national/main689630.shtml ! At times like this I ask myself, "was she really a virgin?" And if she was then WHY? She was a married woman! I can only assume Joseph couldn't get it up. When Mary got pregnant she made up that whole miracle, virgin, "God-did-it-to-me" story. Assuming God DID do it, why is he fucking another mans wife? Isn't he violating one of his own commandments? Does that mean it's cool for us to knock up another mans wife? "God did it, why can't I"? Also, it would appear the "Virgin" Mary was only 14! These days it's illegal NOT to be a virgin at 14! Damn, I was 16 the first time!

There's a new Pope!

So, the Catholics replaced one mangy old tyrant with another mangy old tyrant. Has anyone else noticed that the new Pope looks just like the fictitious serial killer Hanibal Lecter? Meet the new Boss - same as the old Boss. I haven't been a Catholic for many years. One reason is that Catholicism is bullshit. The Vatican aquired its enormous wealth by forcing people to turn over their money for a guaranteed entrance into Heaven! I'm sure sculpted wings and a new harp would cost extra.

When you come right down to it, is Heaven really such a great place? You will spend eternity with a bunch of do-gooders and virgins listening to piped in harp music. I think Hell is the place to be with all the swinging bars, rock musicians and all your friends!

Finger Food...

Some lady found a finger in her Chile at Wendy's and now authroities are trying to finger out who the finger belongs to http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&ncid=757&e=10&u=/ap/20050413/ap_on_re_us/wendy_s_finger) ! Can someone please explain how you can lose a finger and no one notices? Now, this lady has decided not to sue. I suspect she reached a confidential out-of-court settlement. Is anyone reading this missing a finger?

Cookie Monster wants tofu!

In response to the bulging waistlines of todays kids, Sesame Street has now changed the cookie monster so he eats tofu, veggies and the occasional cookie. Isn't that great? THIS will solve the problem of childhood obesity! Soon all kids will be emulating the cookie monster and eat healthy, nutritious snacks and they will all become trima and fit! Of course, PBS is ignoring the fact that kids sit in front of computers all day and don't exercise. And where are the parents? They are the ones that are stuffing the cookies and crap down the kids throats and allowing them to sit inside all the time.

The Popes BIG Funeral!

300,000 people from all over the world turned out for the Popes funeral. Why does this not impress me? When the Red Sox won the World Series over 500,000 people from just around Massachusetts showed up. When the Patriots won the Super Bowl for the third time over 300,000 showed up. Maybe sports teams are more popular than Catholicism these days? What do you want for a guy that makes saints out of rapists and murderers?

New Pope coming on April 18th!

So, the Catholic Church has gone Popeless for a while. What happens if you need an exorcism or something during this time? Do you just have to put up with the ghosts and evil spirits until the new Pope gets in? Is it OK to use condoms between Popes?

The old Pope used to be an avid hiker. This begats the question, "does the Pope shit in the woods?" There are so many profound theological questions that need to be addressed!

Ding dong the Pope is dead!

Here lies a man who went into overpopulated, starving countries and told everyone not to use birth control. During the Aids pandemic he spoke of the evils of condoms. He knew Catholic priests were pedophiles yet did nothing. Grieve? I think I'll hold off on this one.

The REAL causes of Global Warming!

Welcome to the world of George W. Bush! It seems mankinds pollution of the atmoshpere really has NOTHING to do with our great climactic changes! The Republicans have been right all along! We will note this article was written by GERMAN researchers so there is no American partisanship involved!

In Yahoo News (
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=585&e=3&u=/nm/20050331/sc_nm/environment_dandruff_dc ) the article states: "Bits of pollen, leaf fragments and even dandruff from people and animals make up a significant portion of dusty stuff in the atmosphere but have been ignored by climate modelers, German researchers said on Thursday."


"We simply need to cut down the trees, get rid of the flowers and make sure everyone uses Head & Shoulders", said one of the German Researchers who asked not to be idnetified. "This will eliminate the pollen, leaves and dandruff that are polluting our atmosphere".

Imagine how healthy our planet will be when we get rid of all those pesky leaf-producing rain forests. And if we get rid of the flowers the pollen problem will take care of itself! And no more embarrassing flakes! Now that we have identified the problem we should have no difficulty making this a healthy and productive planet! The future will be glorious! Unless, of course, these guys are full of shit.

Entering Boston: NO TRESPASSING!

I think I've got it figured out. Boston has spent $20 billion on "The Big Dig" which makes it easier than ever to get in and out of Boston - but we simply aren't allowed to go there! A proposal by Councilor Paul J. Scapicchio (www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2005/03/30/fee_eyed_for_those_who_drive_into_hub/) wants the city to look into requiring passes costing $1 to $5 just to get into downtown Boston. He claims it would reduce traffic and ease parking but, in reality, it's another way to collect yet another unfair tax and raise tons of money for the city.

To quote the article: "Saying the half-million commuters who drive into Boston each day are major contributors to traffic and parking congestion, Councilor Paul J. Scapicchio wants the city to look into requiring passes costing $1 to $5 daily and catching scofflaws by installing cameras to record license plates of cars crossing over from the suburbs without the passes. Today, he will ask for a council hearing to explore the idea."

Maybe every town should do this? Could you imagine having to pay a stiff fine every time you entered a town just for being there? If this thing passes, I could imagine future signs reading "Entering Holliston: No admittance without pass" or "Entering Worcester: Invitation only".

Among the taxes instituted over the past 100 years include, but are not limited to:
Accounts Receivable Tax, Building Permit Tax, Capital Gains Tax, CDL license Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Court Fines(indirect taxes), Dog License Tax, Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax(FUTA), Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel permit tax, Gasoline Tax(42 cents per gallon), Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax Interest expense(tax on the money), Inventory tax IRS Interest charges(tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties(tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Local Income Tax, Luxury Taxes, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Septic Permit Tax, Service Charge Taxes, Social Security Tax, Road Usage Taxes(Truckers), Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax, Road Toll Booth Taxes, School Tax, State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax(SUTA), Telephone federal excise tax, Telephone federal universal service fee tax, Telephone federal, state and
local surcharge taxes, Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax, Telephone state and local tax, Telephone usage charge tax, Toll Bridge Taxes, Toll Tunnel Taxes, Traffic Fines(indirect taxation), Trailer registration tax, Utility Taxes, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft registration Tax, Well Permit Tax and the Workers Compensation Tax!

And now we will have the "just passing through" tax. Some day in the future we will be taxed on the amount of air we breathe. Those with larger lung capacities will be taxed more according to their levels of inhaltion and exhalation. And those who exercise will be charged more for wasting more of our air.

Will it ever end???

Bush must die!

I can't help but notice that two of my earlier posts suggesting the execution of George W. Bush have been deleted -- and NOT by me! I suspect it's either the internal workings of Blogger.com or the evil machinations of George W. Bush's brainwashing machine Homeland Insecurity. Perhaps it has become illegal to impose an opinion about a mass murderer? I ususally refrain from profane language but many blogs contain words such as shit, piss, cunt and fuck and they are not edited. In addition, my blog appears to be blocked from all the search engines.

To summarize the previous posts, I stated that George W. Bush has ruthlessly slaughtered hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens. His original excuse for doing so was to prevent the proliferation of "Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD's)". When this was proven to be a lie he fell back on the old American standby of "bringing Democracy to the Middle East". Of course, this was a lie too. There have been no altruistic goals in this war and every sane American (notice I say "sane" because this country is run by the INSANE) knows it!

In many states it is the law that murderers are executed. And that is if they kill one or two people. Bush and his band of pinheads have killed hundreds of thousands. Does he deserve the right to lead this country? Does he deserve the right to his numerous vacations and opulent lifestyle? Does he even deserve the right to walk the streets a free man? In general I am opposed to the death penalty. However, in this case, I believe that his actions have forfeited his right to live. You may argue that Hitler was more evil, but in terms of the causes they have made I consider them about equal. Throughout Iraq there is widespread devastation. Bodies lie dead in the street. The homeless are too numerous to count. There is not a single family that doesn't grieve. Check out these images from Falluja: http://dahrjamailiraq.com/gallery/view_album.php?set_albumName=album28&page=1

We are supposed to have "Freedom" and "Democracy" in this country. Someone has intentionally edited my blog. This means we have no more freedom here than Communist China. It has become illegal to criticize the President or his administration.

Are we going to sit idly by and watch this country go down the crapper? The thing that's most frightening is that so many people actually SUPPORT this nonesense! We have become the worlds biggest hypocrites!

Britney Spears masturbates!

So, Britney wrote a song about how she loves to masturbate (http://nslog.com/archives/2003/11/14/britney_spears_on_female_masturbation.php). It's a good thing she told us this or we would never have known! We'd all be wondering, "hmmm...does Britney masturbate?" Is this really newsworthy?

Too many pills!

My mother went to see the doctor for an annoying pain in her hip. The scene went something like this:

Doc: Well, Mrs. Vachon, I've reviewed the Cat Scan, the MRI, the EKG, the colonostomy, the X-Rays, the ultrasound and some of the other very expensive tests and I'm afraid you've got a pain in your hip.

Mrs V: Yea, no shit!

Doc: I couldn't isolate the cause of the pain Mrs Vachon. It may be just old age.

Mrs V: The other hip's just as old and it doesn't hurt.

Doc: Leave the diagnosing to me Mrs Vachon. I'M the Doctor! I am prescribing a pill for you. It's a very powerful pain reliever and will probably cause some severe gastric disturbances. To counter these disturbaces I have prescribed another pill. Now, the combination of these two pills will cause rapid heartbeat and night sweats so I'm prescribing this beta blocker for the hearbeat and a pill to control the night sweats. Now the combination of these four pills will cause blurred vision and a rash so, I'll prescribe a pill to control the blurred vision and an ointment for the rash. The combination of all these pills could cause diabetes so I'm prescribing an insulin injection twice daily to control that.

Mrs V: Wow!

Doc: The instructions are very easy Mrs Vachon, everythings right on the label. Take two of these pills every 4 hours, take one of these every 6 hours, take one of these before meals, take two of these after meals, take one of these in the evening, take two of these in the morning before breakfast, take one of these after taking a green pill but not before taking an orange pill, apply the ointment after you take a blue pill and give yourself an injection after dinner and before lunch. Now, if you develop an allergy, I am also prescribing a dose of adrenaline to be injected at the onset of serious symptoms. You should inject yourself in the buttocks region.

Mrs V: I'll shoot myself in the ass alright! Why can't I just take a couple of Tylenol?

Doc: Mrs Vachon, I'm the doctor. I have two car payments, two mortgage payments, two kids in Ivy league schools, a wife with expensive tastes, a mistress and I have half my money invested in these pharmaceutical companies so you may NOT take a Tylenol. As a matter of fact, I'm going to prescribe some exploratory surgery on your right this very minute. Nurse! Restrain Mrs Vachon while I prep for surgery!

It's all up to Congress

Congress set up a special bill to save the life of Terry Schiavo, who has been in a persistant vegetative state for 15 years. It's only a matter of time before Congress starts deciding everything for us! I can see the future headlines:

"Bush signs bill forbidding middle-aged man from growing hair past his shoulders".
"Bush sings bill preventing 13-year-old from piercing her ears".
"Congress prevents kiss on first date for young woman under 18".

Why is the US Government involved in something that is none of their business?

Bush and his "compassion".

Lemme see. GW Bush condones sending our military people off to die in a war that was unneccesary. He doesn't think twice about killing hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi men, women and children. He opposes stem cell research which could save the lives of millions of people. He wants to eliminate social security. And now he passes a bill to prolong the suffering of Terry Schiavo and her husband! With leaders like him we don't need dictators!

Build your own ATOMIC BOMB!

There was once a time when the US possessed the atomic bomb all by itself. However, the Internet Age has made this technology available to everyone! Check out http://home.clara.net/nybbles/oldestuff/vik/nuke/index2.html for instructions on building your own Atom Bomb! You can be the first in your neighborhood to have one in your garage. "Say, what's that next to the lawnmower, Fred". Fred replies proudly, "That's my very own Atom Bomb!" Rest assured neighbors will never borrow your tools without your permission again!

Speaking of Dunkin Donuts...

Indeed, lifes little annoyances can be hard to cope with. I was at a Dunkin Donuts a few weeks ago. There were 3 lines for the 3 registers. Of course, I chose the shortest line. The lady in front of me say's to the cashier, "I'd like 2 dozen donuts...two plain...no, make that three plain...two chocolate...no, one...make it three chocolate...or four...no three chocolate...two Boston creme...do you have Boston creme? Make it three Boston creme without the jimmies... No make it one with jimmies...and two sugar...three..no, wait...Let me call my husband...

Meanwhile the other two lines were moving swiftly. So I pulled out my gun and shot her.

Justice is sweet.

Robert Blake found NOT GUILTY!

Robert Blake has put his TV Detective skills to good use. A jury of 12 men and women have found him NOT GUILTY!

"He did a great job of hiding the evidence", said one of jurors who asked not to be identified because his kids might find out. "Sure, he was guilty as hell but so what? He's got (or had) money!"

One juror actually thought he WAS innocent. "Barretta would never do something like that. I don't care what the evidence says".

Steroids in baseball - what's the problem?

The US Congress is investigating Major League Baseball's use of steroids. My argument - what's the big deal? If baseball players want a competetive advantage and want to smash balls over the fence or throw faster and they don't mind the future health consequences then why should anyone care? Baseball players are better today than they have ever been because they ARE using steroids. And what is the government involved in the business of a private enterprise?

Bin Laden is at Dunkin Donuts

A Top-Secret US Government report is hiding the fact that Osama Bin Laden has been working at the Dunkin Donuts in Sommerville, MA for over 3 years. Witnesses are outraged that Bin Laden has been hiding in plain view for so long.

"I went into DD's for a Coolata", said Rick Shroeder, a Harvard undergrad, "Bin Laden was behind the counter".

Government officials deny that the man behind the counter is Bin Laden claiming that the man is actually Jose Manuel Y Pedro Rodrigues, a Venezuelan exchange student. Other sources claim that Bin Laden has simply gotten a face lift and trimmed his beard.

"He is 6'4, just like Bin Laden", said Julie Sommers, a lighting saleswoman from Mwethuen. "If you add 20 years and give him a longer beard and attach him to a kidney dialysis machine they would look identical".

He's not Bin Laden", said FBI Special Agent Jeff "Curley" White, "He's just some flunky who looks a little like him".

Many others are not so sure. Could this be Bin Laden hiding in plain view all this time? Is the FBI simply too red-faced embarrassed to admit the truth?

ARE YOU OUTRAGED???

Save the seals and dolphins!

According to Jeff Vachon, over 48,000 seals are stranded off the California coast starving to death because the US Fish and Game Service has been unwilling to help them.

"The area is infested with Killer Whales", said Mr. Vachon, "and the poor seals are too afraid to leave their tiny island perch to fish".

The solution is to kill the whales, of course.

ARE YOU OUTRAGED???

Keep in mind, I'm just making this up because I don't think anyone reads this thing!

Saddam and Noriega

Since his capture we have heard nothing from Saddam Hussein. Could it be that Saddam may have a legitimate defense that we are not privy to? The same holds true for Noriega. His trial was secret and we never heard another word from him. These two men probably have the resources to destroy the US with their knowledge. Why aren't the American people allowed to hear anything from these two?

Bush should die

In this country we execute murderers. Assuming Bush is guilty, we should do the same to him as we would do to anyone who kills hundreds of thousands. We should do the same as we tried to do to Hitler. This mans disregard for human life should not be allowed to continue.