Invented by a school teacher my ass!

Every time I go to Trader Joe's I see that stuff at the front of the counter called Airborne and it says "invented by a school teacher".  In my mind that says "don't buy this shit!"

Not only that but I'm told she's an ELEMENTARY school teacher!  At first I thought it might be a genius science professor or something.  But a teacher who teaches second grade, in my opinion, is not qualified to be inventing vitamins and deodorizers for the masses!

Even "invented by a salesman" would have more credibility to me.  At least he would understand the importance of creating a product that people will want to buy!

But this lady IS a millionaire.  Can anyone tell me, how did this shit wind up at the front of the counter at every Trader Joe's?

Obama's Bong is Missing!

White House security personnel admit that they are unable to locate President Barack Obama's $1,200.00 Roor Custom Little Sista Icemaster 7.0 Bong that appears to have been stolen from his dresser in his bedroom and they have few clues as to who may have stolen it.
"I have always kept my bong in my top dresser drawer", Obama told his security officers. "If I get it back within the next 24 hours there will be no questions asked. Otherwise, I am going to have to enforce disciplinary action".

Obama claims the last time he used the bong was during the Super Bowl. Senators Arlen Specter (R-Pa) and Bob Casey (D-Pa) attended the Super Bowl Party, along with representatives Charlie Dent (R-Pa.), Mike Doyle (D-Pa.), Patrick Murphy (D-Pa.), Trent Franks (R-Az.), and Raul Grijalva (D-Az.). Other attendees included Sens. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) and Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn), Reps. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), Artur Davis (D-Ala.), Rosa DeLauro (D-Ct.), Paul Hodes (D-NH), and Fred Upton (R-Mi.), and Delegate Eleanor Holmes-Norton, (D-DC) but they all denied any knowledge of the bongs whereabouts.

Amy Klobuchar clearly recalled everyone using the Presidential bong but she insisted it was sitting on the table when she left.

"But. Then again, I was pretty wasted when I left", she admitted.

The President claimed he returned the bong to his dresser drawer after the party. "I clearly recall taking the bong back to my room, cleaning it in the bathroom and returning it to its usual place", Obama stated.

White House housekeeping staff have been alerted that they will all be investigated and disciplinary actions may be forthcoming.

Oddly, the President claims that although the bong is missing, his stash of pure grade Afghani marijuana appears to be untouched.

"The only part missing in the two onces or so we smoked during the game", Obama stated.

Obama told news reporters that it's not the intrinsic value of the bong so much as the sentimental value.

"That bong got me through college", Obama lamented.

*Update: No sooner was this story published than his 7-year-old daughter Sasha admitted she brought the bong to her class for show and tell. The bong has since been returned to the Presidential dresser.

Salvia Divinorum is legal!

I'm 48 years old now but back when I was a youth many young people were trying to catch a great hallucinatory experience. I admit, I tried a bit of LSD, some shrooms etc. We always risked getting arrested for having that stuff.

But today kids have salvia divinorum! It's legal everywhere except Louisiana, Missouri, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Delaware. Buy your now before the feds decide to make it illegal everywhere!

There's a pill for that!

Every time I turn on the TV there is a medicine for something or other. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, acid reflux disease, restless leg syndrome, vaginal dryness, sexual dysfunction, impotency and weight loss among others.

I saw an ad for 'low dose' aspirin. I checked the store shelves and the stuff is very expensive! However, if we don't take it we will all have heart attacks and die. The thing they don't tell us is that a couple of cheap baby aspirin are exactly the same thing.

I recently read that the cholesterol fighting drug Crestor cuts heart attack deaths in low risk patients by 50%! However, most low risk patients will never have a heart attack anyway. That's why they are low risk.

I think too many people are taking medicines they don't need and the side effects are usually worse than what they are trying to cure.

Do I sound cynical? Perhaps. Maybe they have a pill for that!

"Feeling cynical? Try new Anticyn! Anticyn will releive cynical symptoms for up to 8 full hours!"