Bush Declares War on God

(Washinton DC) - In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina President George W. Bush announced war on Heaven and God.

"We must take God out", Bush said in a statement this afternoon. "These 'Acts of God' have caused widespread problems for me and my administration. He has instigated tsunamis, disease, earthquakes, floods and now the devastation of hurricane Katrina. These acts of terrorism against the American people cannot be allowed to continue."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld reiterated Bush's statement and drew up a military line of action against The Almighty.

"We will be withdrawing troops from Iraq and Afghanistan in an all-out attack against the evil dictator God and his armies in Heaven", Rumsfeld said in a prepared statement. "The devastation of Katrina alone makes 9/11 look like a circus act". When asked what he meant by "circus act" Rumsfeld replied, "You know, a cirus act, you idiot. Do I have to explain everything?" Rumsfled continued, "we cannot allow the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. God got more Weapons of Mass Destruction than even the United States! This war may have to be nuclear as conventional weapons won't reach the heavens".

Dr. Condoleezza Rice, the Assistant to the President for National Security Affairs, commonly referred to as the National Security Advisor, said "anyone found worshipping or making offerings to God will be imprisoned. This includes all Christian, Jewish and Muslim churches, synagogues, temples and home Bible studies. Buddhist temples and other non-deity religions will be exempt from this order".

Some Christian rights organization has expressed dispproval with Bush's plan. Rev. Stanislaw Fortran of Holy Roller United Methodist church said, "haven't we done enough to piss God off? This is just gonna piss him off more! All he has to do is snap his fingers and he'll wipe out the planet"

"How can you declare wat against something that doesn't exist?" asked a local area Buddhist who asked not to be identified. Rumsfeld was unavailable to comment on this important issue.

Bush has reportendy aligned with Lord-of-the-Underworld Satan as his ally. "Satan and I have been working well togther since the beginning of my administration, Bush said, "He has promised to assist me in my planned takeover of heaven and the removal of God from Power".

Bush has also drawn up a new Constitution for the People of Heaven. "The People of Heaven have been under this dictator for too long", Bush said. "We have drawn up a Constituion to allow them to freely elect a new God every four years".

Satan was unavailable for comment.