Too many pills!

My mother went to see the doctor for an annoying pain in her hip. The scene went something like this:

Doc: Well, Mrs. Vachon, I've reviewed the Cat Scan, the MRI, the EKG, the colonostomy, the X-Rays, the ultrasound and some of the other very expensive tests and I'm afraid you've got a pain in your hip.

Mrs V: Yea, no shit!

Doc: I couldn't isolate the cause of the pain Mrs Vachon. It may be just old age.

Mrs V: The other hip's just as old and it doesn't hurt.

Doc: Leave the diagnosing to me Mrs Vachon. I'M the Doctor! I am prescribing a pill for you. It's a very powerful pain reliever and will probably cause some severe gastric disturbances. To counter these disturbaces I have prescribed another pill. Now, the combination of these two pills will cause rapid heartbeat and night sweats so I'm prescribing this beta blocker for the hearbeat and a pill to control the night sweats. Now the combination of these four pills will cause blurred vision and a rash so, I'll prescribe a pill to control the blurred vision and an ointment for the rash. The combination of all these pills could cause diabetes so I'm prescribing an insulin injection twice daily to control that.

Mrs V: Wow!

Doc: The instructions are very easy Mrs Vachon, everythings right on the label. Take two of these pills every 4 hours, take one of these every 6 hours, take one of these before meals, take two of these after meals, take one of these in the evening, take two of these in the morning before breakfast, take one of these after taking a green pill but not before taking an orange pill, apply the ointment after you take a blue pill and give yourself an injection after dinner and before lunch. Now, if you develop an allergy, I am also prescribing a dose of adrenaline to be injected at the onset of serious symptoms. You should inject yourself in the buttocks region.

Mrs V: I'll shoot myself in the ass alright! Why can't I just take a couple of Tylenol?

Doc: Mrs Vachon, I'm the doctor. I have two car payments, two mortgage payments, two kids in Ivy league schools, a wife with expensive tastes, a mistress and I have half my money invested in these pharmaceutical companies so you may NOT take a Tylenol. As a matter of fact, I'm going to prescribe some exploratory surgery on your right this very minute. Nurse! Restrain Mrs Vachon while I prep for surgery!