STUDY SHOWS PEOPLE HATE STORIES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS

A FIVE YEAR, $11.2 MILLION DOLLAR US GOVERNMENT STUDY HAS PROVEN THAT MOST READERS DO NOT LIKE STORIES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS, ACCORDING TO THE STUDIES PRINCIPAL AUTHOR JAMES HASSENHOFF.

"THE ALL-CAPS STUDY HAS SHOWN THAT PEOPLE PREFER A COMBINATION OF CAPS AND NON-CAPS", HASSENHOFF SAID. "PEOPLE LIKE THEIR SENTENCES TO START WITH CAPS BUT WITH EVERY SUBSEQUENT LETTER IN THE SENTENCE TO BE IN LOWER CASE, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF PROPER NAMES AND SOME NOUNS".

"PEOPLE CONSIDER ALL CAPS THER SAME AS SHOUTING", SAID PATRICIA JENKINS, A POST-DOCTORAL STUDENT WORKING ON THE STUDY.

JENKINS SAID THAT ALL-LOWER-CASE CAN BE EQUALLY ANOYING.

"all lower case makes it look like you're whispering", jenkins said very quietly.

THE RESEARCHERS RECOMMEND THAT AMERICANS USE A COMBINATION OF UPPER AND LOWER CASE LETTERING IN THEIR EMAIL AND DAILY CORRESPONDENCE.

"ANOTHER PROBLEM", HASSENHOFF CONTINUED, "IS THAT ON MOST WORD PROCESSORS SPELL CHECK DOES NOT WORK IN ALL CAPS THUS FORCING THE WRITER TO DO MORE HEAVY EDITING. TIS LOWERS AMERICAN PRODUCTIBITY".

NOW THAT THE ALL CAPS STUDY HAS BEEN COMPLETED THE REASERCHERS WILL SPEND THE NEXT FIVE YEARS STUDYING THE IMPORTANCE OF PUNCTUATION CLEVER READERS WILL FIND THE SELLING ERRORS IN THIS DUCUMENT