Bush Admits to Masturbating

In an unusually candid interview this afternoon President George W Bush, an outspoken opponent of pornography, admits that he masturbated once when he was younger.

"I tried it once when I was at Yale", Bush told a reporter. "It's not something I am proud of, I didn't ejaculate, I didn't enjoy it and I would never do it again".

Bush insists that he didn't use porn during his masturbatory misadventure. "It started", Bush said, "when I caught a glimpse up Rebbecca Johnson's skirt. I could clearly see the crotch of her panties and this stimulated me. It was simply a youthful experimentation. I do understand that some young people do it regularly and this disturbs me. The Bible clearly states that we shouldn't be spilling our seed and that to do so is an offense against the almighty".

Rebbecca Johnson, now Rebbecca Van Wendt, was contacted at her home in New Canaan, CT. She was appalled when she heard that her privacy had been violated. "He did that? What a perv! If I knew he was like that I never would have voted for him." Ms Johnson later revealed that she didn't vote for him.

Bush was adamant that the viewing of nude women was also wrong. "Men should not be looking at nude women. I have never seen my wife naked. We've had sex twice and both times it was in the dark and for the intention of producing offspring. I never had sex with her again after the twins were born".

First Lady Laura Bush confirmed her husband's statement. "The first time was a few months after on our wedding and the second time was a few years later when the twins were conceived".

Mrs Bush's long-time private gardener agreed with Mrs Bush's statement. "She hasn't had sex with him but she doesn't need to", he said with a smile.