Has anyone ever had sex with Condoleeza Rice?

Of course, we all know Condi is a murdering, lying no good bitch who should have her head put on a skewer and rotisserie grilled but has anyone ever slept with her? It seems that even a woman obsessed with power like her must get banged every once in a while. I could only imagine her in a leather bustier and stockings with a whip in one hand and a paddle in the other as she strikes down with forceful blows screaming "get hard you son of a bitch!!!". Perhaps she's too busy fucking the American people and the world to even THINK about her own needs. What a selfless individual!

The "Virgin" Mary

There's another vision of the "Virgin" Mary out there http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/04/20/national/main689630.shtml ! At times like this I ask myself, "was she really a virgin?" And if she was then WHY? She was a married woman! I can only assume Joseph couldn't get it up. When Mary got pregnant she made up that whole miracle, virgin, "God-did-it-to-me" story. Assuming God DID do it, why is he fucking another mans wife? Isn't he violating one of his own commandments? Does that mean it's cool for us to knock up another mans wife? "God did it, why can't I"? Also, it would appear the "Virgin" Mary was only 14! These days it's illegal NOT to be a virgin at 14! Damn, I was 16 the first time!

There's a new Pope!

So, the Catholics replaced one mangy old tyrant with another mangy old tyrant. Has anyone else noticed that the new Pope looks just like the fictitious serial killer Hanibal Lecter? Meet the new Boss - same as the old Boss. I haven't been a Catholic for many years. One reason is that Catholicism is bullshit. The Vatican aquired its enormous wealth by forcing people to turn over their money for a guaranteed entrance into Heaven! I'm sure sculpted wings and a new harp would cost extra.

When you come right down to it, is Heaven really such a great place? You will spend eternity with a bunch of do-gooders and virgins listening to piped in harp music. I think Hell is the place to be with all the swinging bars, rock musicians and all your friends!

Finger Food...

Some lady found a finger in her Chile at Wendy's and now authroities are trying to finger out who the finger belongs to http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&ncid=757&e=10&u=/ap/20050413/ap_on_re_us/wendy_s_finger) ! Can someone please explain how you can lose a finger and no one notices? Now, this lady has decided not to sue. I suspect she reached a confidential out-of-court settlement. Is anyone reading this missing a finger?

Cookie Monster wants tofu!

In response to the bulging waistlines of todays kids, Sesame Street has now changed the cookie monster so he eats tofu, veggies and the occasional cookie. Isn't that great? THIS will solve the problem of childhood obesity! Soon all kids will be emulating the cookie monster and eat healthy, nutritious snacks and they will all become trima and fit! Of course, PBS is ignoring the fact that kids sit in front of computers all day and don't exercise. And where are the parents? They are the ones that are stuffing the cookies and crap down the kids throats and allowing them to sit inside all the time.

The Popes BIG Funeral!

300,000 people from all over the world turned out for the Popes funeral. Why does this not impress me? When the Red Sox won the World Series over 500,000 people from just around Massachusetts showed up. When the Patriots won the Super Bowl for the third time over 300,000 showed up. Maybe sports teams are more popular than Catholicism these days? What do you want for a guy that makes saints out of rapists and murderers?

New Pope coming on April 18th!

So, the Catholic Church has gone Popeless for a while. What happens if you need an exorcism or something during this time? Do you just have to put up with the ghosts and evil spirits until the new Pope gets in? Is it OK to use condoms between Popes?

The old Pope used to be an avid hiker. This begats the question, "does the Pope shit in the woods?" There are so many profound theological questions that need to be addressed!

Ding dong the Pope is dead!

Here lies a man who went into overpopulated, starving countries and told everyone not to use birth control. During the Aids pandemic he spoke of the evils of condoms. He knew Catholic priests were pedophiles yet did nothing. Grieve? I think I'll hold off on this one.

The REAL causes of Global Warming!

Welcome to the world of George W. Bush! It seems mankinds pollution of the atmoshpere really has NOTHING to do with our great climactic changes! The Republicans have been right all along! We will note this article was written by GERMAN researchers so there is no American partisanship involved!

In Yahoo News (
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=585&e=3&u=/nm/20050331/sc_nm/environment_dandruff_dc ) the article states: "Bits of pollen, leaf fragments and even dandruff from people and animals make up a significant portion of dusty stuff in the atmosphere but have been ignored by climate modelers, German researchers said on Thursday."


"We simply need to cut down the trees, get rid of the flowers and make sure everyone uses Head & Shoulders", said one of the German Researchers who asked not to be idnetified. "This will eliminate the pollen, leaves and dandruff that are polluting our atmosphere".

Imagine how healthy our planet will be when we get rid of all those pesky leaf-producing rain forests. And if we get rid of the flowers the pollen problem will take care of itself! And no more embarrassing flakes! Now that we have identified the problem we should have no difficulty making this a healthy and productive planet! The future will be glorious! Unless, of course, these guys are full of shit.

Entering Boston: NO TRESPASSING!

I think I've got it figured out. Boston has spent $20 billion on "The Big Dig" which makes it easier than ever to get in and out of Boston - but we simply aren't allowed to go there! A proposal by Councilor Paul J. Scapicchio (www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2005/03/30/fee_eyed_for_those_who_drive_into_hub/) wants the city to look into requiring passes costing $1 to $5 just to get into downtown Boston. He claims it would reduce traffic and ease parking but, in reality, it's another way to collect yet another unfair tax and raise tons of money for the city.

To quote the article: "Saying the half-million commuters who drive into Boston each day are major contributors to traffic and parking congestion, Councilor Paul J. Scapicchio wants the city to look into requiring passes costing $1 to $5 daily and catching scofflaws by installing cameras to record license plates of cars crossing over from the suburbs without the passes. Today, he will ask for a council hearing to explore the idea."

Maybe every town should do this? Could you imagine having to pay a stiff fine every time you entered a town just for being there? If this thing passes, I could imagine future signs reading "Entering Holliston: No admittance without pass" or "Entering Worcester: Invitation only".

Among the taxes instituted over the past 100 years include, but are not limited to:
Accounts Receivable Tax, Building Permit Tax, Capital Gains Tax, CDL license Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Court Fines(indirect taxes), Dog License Tax, Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax(FUTA), Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel permit tax, Gasoline Tax(42 cents per gallon), Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax Interest expense(tax on the money), Inventory tax IRS Interest charges(tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties(tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Local Income Tax, Luxury Taxes, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Septic Permit Tax, Service Charge Taxes, Social Security Tax, Road Usage Taxes(Truckers), Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax, Road Toll Booth Taxes, School Tax, State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax(SUTA), Telephone federal excise tax, Telephone federal universal service fee tax, Telephone federal, state and
local surcharge taxes, Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax, Telephone state and local tax, Telephone usage charge tax, Toll Bridge Taxes, Toll Tunnel Taxes, Traffic Fines(indirect taxation), Trailer registration tax, Utility Taxes, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft registration Tax, Well Permit Tax and the Workers Compensation Tax!

And now we will have the "just passing through" tax. Some day in the future we will be taxed on the amount of air we breathe. Those with larger lung capacities will be taxed more according to their levels of inhaltion and exhalation. And those who exercise will be charged more for wasting more of our air.

Will it ever end???

Bush must die!

I can't help but notice that two of my earlier posts suggesting the execution of George W. Bush have been deleted -- and NOT by me! I suspect it's either the internal workings of Blogger.com or the evil machinations of George W. Bush's brainwashing machine Homeland Insecurity. Perhaps it has become illegal to impose an opinion about a mass murderer? I ususally refrain from profane language but many blogs contain words such as shit, piss, cunt and fuck and they are not edited. In addition, my blog appears to be blocked from all the search engines.

To summarize the previous posts, I stated that George W. Bush has ruthlessly slaughtered hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens. His original excuse for doing so was to prevent the proliferation of "Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD's)". When this was proven to be a lie he fell back on the old American standby of "bringing Democracy to the Middle East". Of course, this was a lie too. There have been no altruistic goals in this war and every sane American (notice I say "sane" because this country is run by the INSANE) knows it!

In many states it is the law that murderers are executed. And that is if they kill one or two people. Bush and his band of pinheads have killed hundreds of thousands. Does he deserve the right to lead this country? Does he deserve the right to his numerous vacations and opulent lifestyle? Does he even deserve the right to walk the streets a free man? In general I am opposed to the death penalty. However, in this case, I believe that his actions have forfeited his right to live. You may argue that Hitler was more evil, but in terms of the causes they have made I consider them about equal. Throughout Iraq there is widespread devastation. Bodies lie dead in the street. The homeless are too numerous to count. There is not a single family that doesn't grieve. Check out these images from Falluja: http://dahrjamailiraq.com/gallery/view_album.php?set_albumName=album28&page=1

We are supposed to have "Freedom" and "Democracy" in this country. Someone has intentionally edited my blog. This means we have no more freedom here than Communist China. It has become illegal to criticize the President or his administration.

Are we going to sit idly by and watch this country go down the crapper? The thing that's most frightening is that so many people actually SUPPORT this nonesense! We have become the worlds biggest hypocrites!

Britney Spears masturbates!

So, Britney wrote a song about how she loves to masturbate (http://nslog.com/archives/2003/11/14/britney_spears_on_female_masturbation.php). It's a good thing she told us this or we would never have known! We'd all be wondering, "hmmm...does Britney masturbate?" Is this really newsworthy?

Too many pills!

My mother went to see the doctor for an annoying pain in her hip. The scene went something like this:

Doc: Well, Mrs. Vachon, I've reviewed the Cat Scan, the MRI, the EKG, the colonostomy, the X-Rays, the ultrasound and some of the other very expensive tests and I'm afraid you've got a pain in your hip.

Mrs V: Yea, no shit!

Doc: I couldn't isolate the cause of the pain Mrs Vachon. It may be just old age.

Mrs V: The other hip's just as old and it doesn't hurt.

Doc: Leave the diagnosing to me Mrs Vachon. I'M the Doctor! I am prescribing a pill for you. It's a very powerful pain reliever and will probably cause some severe gastric disturbances. To counter these disturbaces I have prescribed another pill. Now, the combination of these two pills will cause rapid heartbeat and night sweats so I'm prescribing this beta blocker for the hearbeat and a pill to control the night sweats. Now the combination of these four pills will cause blurred vision and a rash so, I'll prescribe a pill to control the blurred vision and an ointment for the rash. The combination of all these pills could cause diabetes so I'm prescribing an insulin injection twice daily to control that.

Mrs V: Wow!

Doc: The instructions are very easy Mrs Vachon, everythings right on the label. Take two of these pills every 4 hours, take one of these every 6 hours, take one of these before meals, take two of these after meals, take one of these in the evening, take two of these in the morning before breakfast, take one of these after taking a green pill but not before taking an orange pill, apply the ointment after you take a blue pill and give yourself an injection after dinner and before lunch. Now, if you develop an allergy, I am also prescribing a dose of adrenaline to be injected at the onset of serious symptoms. You should inject yourself in the buttocks region.

Mrs V: I'll shoot myself in the ass alright! Why can't I just take a couple of Tylenol?

Doc: Mrs Vachon, I'm the doctor. I have two car payments, two mortgage payments, two kids in Ivy league schools, a wife with expensive tastes, a mistress and I have half my money invested in these pharmaceutical companies so you may NOT take a Tylenol. As a matter of fact, I'm going to prescribe some exploratory surgery on your right this very minute. Nurse! Restrain Mrs Vachon while I prep for surgery!

It's all up to Congress

Congress set up a special bill to save the life of Terry Schiavo, who has been in a persistant vegetative state for 15 years. It's only a matter of time before Congress starts deciding everything for us! I can see the future headlines:

"Bush signs bill forbidding middle-aged man from growing hair past his shoulders".
"Bush sings bill preventing 13-year-old from piercing her ears".
"Congress prevents kiss on first date for young woman under 18".

Why is the US Government involved in something that is none of their business?

Bush and his "compassion".

Lemme see. GW Bush condones sending our military people off to die in a war that was unneccesary. He doesn't think twice about killing hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi men, women and children. He opposes stem cell research which could save the lives of millions of people. He wants to eliminate social security. And now he passes a bill to prolong the suffering of Terry Schiavo and her husband! With leaders like him we don't need dictators!

Build your own ATOMIC BOMB!

There was once a time when the US possessed the atomic bomb all by itself. However, the Internet Age has made this technology available to everyone! Check out http://home.clara.net/nybbles/oldestuff/vik/nuke/index2.html for instructions on building your own Atom Bomb! You can be the first in your neighborhood to have one in your garage. "Say, what's that next to the lawnmower, Fred". Fred replies proudly, "That's my very own Atom Bomb!" Rest assured neighbors will never borrow your tools without your permission again!

Speaking of Dunkin Donuts...

Indeed, lifes little annoyances can be hard to cope with. I was at a Dunkin Donuts a few weeks ago. There were 3 lines for the 3 registers. Of course, I chose the shortest line. The lady in front of me say's to the cashier, "I'd like 2 dozen donuts...two plain...no, make that three plain...two chocolate...no, one...make it three chocolate...or four...no three chocolate...two Boston creme...do you have Boston creme? Make it three Boston creme without the jimmies... No make it one with jimmies...and two sugar...three..no, wait...Let me call my husband...

Meanwhile the other two lines were moving swiftly. So I pulled out my gun and shot her.

Justice is sweet.

Robert Blake found NOT GUILTY!

Robert Blake has put his TV Detective skills to good use. A jury of 12 men and women have found him NOT GUILTY!

"He did a great job of hiding the evidence", said one of jurors who asked not to be identified because his kids might find out. "Sure, he was guilty as hell but so what? He's got (or had) money!"

One juror actually thought he WAS innocent. "Barretta would never do something like that. I don't care what the evidence says".

Steroids in baseball - what's the problem?

The US Congress is investigating Major League Baseball's use of steroids. My argument - what's the big deal? If baseball players want a competetive advantage and want to smash balls over the fence or throw faster and they don't mind the future health consequences then why should anyone care? Baseball players are better today than they have ever been because they ARE using steroids. And what is the government involved in the business of a private enterprise?

Bin Laden is at Dunkin Donuts

A Top-Secret US Government report is hiding the fact that Osama Bin Laden has been working at the Dunkin Donuts in Sommerville, MA for over 3 years. Witnesses are outraged that Bin Laden has been hiding in plain view for so long.

"I went into DD's for a Coolata", said Rick Shroeder, a Harvard undergrad, "Bin Laden was behind the counter".

Government officials deny that the man behind the counter is Bin Laden claiming that the man is actually Jose Manuel Y Pedro Rodrigues, a Venezuelan exchange student. Other sources claim that Bin Laden has simply gotten a face lift and trimmed his beard.

"He is 6'4, just like Bin Laden", said Julie Sommers, a lighting saleswoman from Mwethuen. "If you add 20 years and give him a longer beard and attach him to a kidney dialysis machine they would look identical".

He's not Bin Laden", said FBI Special Agent Jeff "Curley" White, "He's just some flunky who looks a little like him".

Many others are not so sure. Could this be Bin Laden hiding in plain view all this time? Is the FBI simply too red-faced embarrassed to admit the truth?

ARE YOU OUTRAGED???