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Paris got Perks in Jail
Story written: 15 July 2007
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department has opened an investigation into whether Paris Hilton received special "perks" during her 23 days in jail last month.
"Ms Hilton was allowed a cell phone, cable TV with all HBO channels, her own King Size bed, caviar, champagne, silk evening gowns, overnight visitors and several small evening soirees loaded with celebrities", according a jail official who asked not to be named. "She also was allowed trips to the hairdresser and manicurist".
Other jail officials were adamant that Paris received no special treatment. "She didn't get anything. Nothing. She was treated mercilessly just like all the prisoners. She wasn't ever allowed out of her cell and she had to relieve herself in a bucket", according to a jail guard.
Paris herself was mostly silent on the matter except to say that "home is much nice than jail".
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
I have sold out...
Blogger is offering to PAY every time someone visits the site. All I have to do is agree to have ads on my site. I'm hoping that most of my readers (among the few I have left after my long absence) will be intelligent enough to know what to do. It won't be long before you can enter my site and line my pockets at the same time. If you also do the "AdSense" thing then I can visit YOUR site and line YOUR pockets. Google is worth hundreds of billions. This is our chance to cash in! I can see myself with a a NEW JACUZZI in my backyard! Or driving a GREAT NEW SPORTS CAR!!!. Maybe I will become the BLOGGER KING!!!
Sorry. I'm being selfish. I also promise to give a dollar to the poor every once in a while.
Sorry. I'm being selfish. I also promise to give a dollar to the poor every once in a while.
DC Madam Reveals Political Preferences
Washington DC - Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the notorious owner of Deborah Jeane Palfrey's Escort Service, was forced to hand over her Washington DC client list to a Grand Jury this afternoon.The list contained not only the client list but the clients personal sexual preferences as well. I managed to get a copy of the list.
Though the actual list is over 387 pages, here are some of the highlights:
Randall Tobias, the now former director of U.S. Foreign Assistance and former administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development enjoys dressing in diapers and having his ass whacked with a steel brush as he cries. Tobias, 65, was forced to resign his position because of his relationship with the escort service.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates enjoys having his toes sucked while he sings "The Star Spangled Banner" off key.
Dick Cheney enjoys receiving fellatio as he complains bitterly about his wife's sagging breasts.
George W Bush also solicited the services of the Escort Service but he simply enjoys watching the ladies undress and undulate while he sits there with an appalled expression on his face.
National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice enjoys foursomes including two lesbian women and an Arab of either sex.Mike Johanns
Dirk Kempthorne, Elaine Chao, Henry M. Paulson, Jr., Jim Nicholson and other members of Bush's cabinet enjoy engaging in an orgy amongst themselves with 3 to 5 of Palfrey's escorts thrown in.
Though the actual list is over 387 pages, here are some of the highlights:
Randall Tobias, the now former director of U.S. Foreign Assistance and former administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development enjoys dressing in diapers and having his ass whacked with a steel brush as he cries. Tobias, 65, was forced to resign his position because of his relationship with the escort service.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates enjoys having his toes sucked while he sings "The Star Spangled Banner" off key.
Dick Cheney enjoys receiving fellatio as he complains bitterly about his wife's sagging breasts.
George W Bush also solicited the services of the Escort Service but he simply enjoys watching the ladies undress and undulate while he sits there with an appalled expression on his face.
National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice enjoys foursomes including two lesbian women and an Arab of either sex.Mike Johanns
Dirk Kempthorne, Elaine Chao, Henry M. Paulson, Jr., Jim Nicholson and other members of Bush's cabinet enjoy engaging in an orgy amongst themselves with 3 to 5 of Palfrey's escorts thrown in.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Bush Admits to Masturbating
In an unusually candid interview this afternoon President George W Bush, an outspoken opponent of pornography, admits that he masturbated once when he was younger.
"I tried it once when I was at Yale", Bush told a reporter. "It's not something I am proud of, I didn't ejaculate, I didn't enjoy it and I would never do it again".
Bush insists that he didn't use porn during his masturbatory misadventure. "It started", Bush said, "when I caught a glimpse up Rebbecca Johnson's skirt. I could clearly see the crotch of her panties and this stimulated me. It was simply a youthful experimentation. I do understand that some young people do it regularly and this disturbs me. The Bible clearly states that we shouldn't be spilling our seed and that to do so is an offense against the almighty".
Rebbecca Johnson, now Rebbecca Van Wendt, was contacted at her home in New Canaan, CT. She was appalled when she heard that her privacy had been violated. "He did that? What a perv! If I knew he was like that I never would have voted for him." Ms Johnson later revealed that she didn't vote for him.
Bush was adamant that the viewing of nude women was also wrong. "Men should not be looking at nude women. I have never seen my wife naked. We've had sex twice and both times it was in the dark and for the intention of producing offspring. I never had sex with her again after the twins were born".
First Lady Laura Bush confirmed her husband's statement. "The first time was a few months after on our wedding and the second time was a few years later when the twins were conceived".
Mrs Bush's long-time private gardener agreed with Mrs Bush's statement. "She hasn't had sex with him but she doesn't need to", he said with a smile.
"I tried it once when I was at Yale", Bush told a reporter. "It's not something I am proud of, I didn't ejaculate, I didn't enjoy it and I would never do it again".
Bush insists that he didn't use porn during his masturbatory misadventure. "It started", Bush said, "when I caught a glimpse up Rebbecca Johnson's skirt. I could clearly see the crotch of her panties and this stimulated me. It was simply a youthful experimentation. I do understand that some young people do it regularly and this disturbs me. The Bible clearly states that we shouldn't be spilling our seed and that to do so is an offense against the almighty".
Rebbecca Johnson, now Rebbecca Van Wendt, was contacted at her home in New Canaan, CT. She was appalled when she heard that her privacy had been violated. "He did that? What a perv! If I knew he was like that I never would have voted for him." Ms Johnson later revealed that she didn't vote for him.
Bush was adamant that the viewing of nude women was also wrong. "Men should not be looking at nude women. I have never seen my wife naked. We've had sex twice and both times it was in the dark and for the intention of producing offspring. I never had sex with her again after the twins were born".
First Lady Laura Bush confirmed her husband's statement. "The first time was a few months after on our wedding and the second time was a few years later when the twins were conceived".
Mrs Bush's long-time private gardener agreed with Mrs Bush's statement. "She hasn't had sex with him but she doesn't need to", he said with a smile.
Friday, July 06, 2007
American Armed Forces Turning to Gay Lifestyle
Many American soldiers prefer the air-conditioned indoor intimacy of tanks like this one.
The vast majority of American soldiers stationed in Iraq are starting to display homosexual characteristics, according to a Pentagon report secretly leaked to the media.
American servicemen serving extended stays in Iraq have been deprived of the company of women and are rarely even allowed to speak with their wives or girlfriends. All Iraqi women are required to be covered in veils and tarps. Servicemen are not allowed pornography or any depiction of nude women. This has resulted in many formerly heterosexual soldiers to turn gay.
"That's not true at all", said Rear Admiral Mark Fox, communications director for Multinational Force Iraq as he sipped a fruity cocktail. "There are no gay boys or homos in my platoon or any Iraqi platoon".
Some soldiers disputed Fox assertions. "We have to sleep with boys and shower with boys and spend all our time with boys", said a Sergeant who did not want his name revealed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures".
"There are some advantages", said an unnamed Private. "Now I can just throw a pillow on my sleeping bag and the whole tent looks fabulous".
One Iraqi platoon was seen putting on their own Broadway-style musicals. Another platoon was reprimanded for demanding matching drapes and shower curtains. Army psychologists are investigating the matter.
The Spoof was unable to reveal the thousands of names of Iraqi soldiers because of the Military's strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
The Wizard of Oz is NOT for children!
Children should not be watching The Wizard of Oz. It teaches them all the wrong lessons! People are under the mistaken belief that Dorothy is the good guy, whereas, in reality, Dorothy is the bad guy!
The picture turns evil when the movie changes from black and white to color. The first thing that happens is Dorothy's house lands in Oz and she kills this lady with her house! That's murder! But when Dorothy comes out of her house everyone is singing and dancing at the heinous crime that Dorothy just committed. Dorothy herself feels not a bit of remorse.
Then Glinda, the so called "good witch" shows up and insists Dorothy steal the shoes of the dead lady. The lady's not even cold and they're stealing from her! At this point the dead lady's sister shows up and asks for the shoes. She's next of kin! She's entitled! That's her sisters only legacy -- her rightful inheritance! But Dorothy and Glinda won't give her the shoes!
After that Dorothy, the little sociopath, skips happily down the yellow brick road like nothing happened!
Then she comes across the scarecrow. She asks the scarecrow, "which way should I go?" Here's a kid that's what, 12 or 13 years old? The scarecrow says "some people go this way, some people go that way and some people go BOTH WAYS! Not MY kids!
Dorothy and her three boyfriends skip on down the road until they come to this big field of poppies. POPPIES!!! That's what they make heroin out of! Dorothy starts feeling stoned and passes out. Then Glinda shows up and gives her some snow! Can you say COCAINE??? This peps her up enough so she cn get to Oz where she can see the "horse of different color". I also saw this 30 years ago when I was tripping on acid!
Later on in the film Dorothy kills the Witch of the West and steals her broom! First she kills her sister, then she steals her inheritance then she murders her! Is it any wonder why the "Witch of the West" is so upset? I would say the witch was restrained to the point of sainthood! I would have been pissed off at Dorothy too!
In conclusion, Dorothy has only been in Oz a few days and she becomes a murderer -- TWICE, a thief, a lesbian and a drug abuser! Do we really want our kids watching this???
The picture turns evil when the movie changes from black and white to color. The first thing that happens is Dorothy's house lands in Oz and she kills this lady with her house! That's murder! But when Dorothy comes out of her house everyone is singing and dancing at the heinous crime that Dorothy just committed. Dorothy herself feels not a bit of remorse.
Then Glinda, the so called "good witch" shows up and insists Dorothy steal the shoes of the dead lady. The lady's not even cold and they're stealing from her! At this point the dead lady's sister shows up and asks for the shoes. She's next of kin! She's entitled! That's her sisters only legacy -- her rightful inheritance! But Dorothy and Glinda won't give her the shoes!
After that Dorothy, the little sociopath, skips happily down the yellow brick road like nothing happened!
Then she comes across the scarecrow. She asks the scarecrow, "which way should I go?" Here's a kid that's what, 12 or 13 years old? The scarecrow says "some people go this way, some people go that way and some people go BOTH WAYS! Not MY kids!
Dorothy and her three boyfriends skip on down the road until they come to this big field of poppies. POPPIES!!! That's what they make heroin out of! Dorothy starts feeling stoned and passes out. Then Glinda shows up and gives her some snow! Can you say COCAINE??? This peps her up enough so she cn get to Oz where she can see the "horse of different color". I also saw this 30 years ago when I was tripping on acid!
Later on in the film Dorothy kills the Witch of the West and steals her broom! First she kills her sister, then she steals her inheritance then she murders her! Is it any wonder why the "Witch of the West" is so upset? I would say the witch was restrained to the point of sainthood! I would have been pissed off at Dorothy too!
In conclusion, Dorothy has only been in Oz a few days and she becomes a murderer -- TWICE, a thief, a lesbian and a drug abuser! Do we really want our kids watching this???
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Why are people offended by porn?
I was on the Flickr Photo web site the other day with my lady friend. We stumbled upon a picture of a nude woman with her legs spread.
“That’s totally disgusting”, my lady friend said.
As she said that I started thinking. Every human being on Earth is the end result of a naked man standing over a naked woman with her legs spread. Every human is the result of a man inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina.
My lady friend, and nearly every other woman on Earth, loves sex! So many people are offended by pictures of men inserting the penises into women but they love inserting their OWN penises into women’s vaginas.
If not for naked women with spread legs and naked men with erect penises the entire human race would cease to exist! But we find pictures of the same thing disgusting? We see a baby being born and comment on how beautiful it is. But if we witness the act that caused that baby to be born we revile in abject horror!
Doesn't this make us hypocrites of the highest order?
There is definitely something wrong with our way of thinking when a President is impeached for have sexual relations with a woman whereas another President is allowed to brutally murder hundreds of thousands without reprisal.
“Don’t you think so”, my girlfriend asked, bringing me back to reality.
“Huh? Oh yea. It sure is”, I replied.
“That’s totally disgusting”, my lady friend said.
As she said that I started thinking. Every human being on Earth is the end result of a naked man standing over a naked woman with her legs spread. Every human is the result of a man inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina.
My lady friend, and nearly every other woman on Earth, loves sex! So many people are offended by pictures of men inserting the penises into women but they love inserting their OWN penises into women’s vaginas.
If not for naked women with spread legs and naked men with erect penises the entire human race would cease to exist! But we find pictures of the same thing disgusting? We see a baby being born and comment on how beautiful it is. But if we witness the act that caused that baby to be born we revile in abject horror!
Doesn't this make us hypocrites of the highest order?
There is definitely something wrong with our way of thinking when a President is impeached for have sexual relations with a woman whereas another President is allowed to brutally murder hundreds of thousands without reprisal.
“Don’t you think so”, my girlfriend asked, bringing me back to reality.
“Huh? Oh yea. It sure is”, I replied.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Abstinence Program Fails; Bush Sets Puberty Age at 18
A Study commissioned by Congress promoting abstinence only programs has proven completely ineffective in preventing or delaying teenagers from having sexual intercourse. Therefore, President Bush has set the minimum age for puberty at 18 for all U.S. youth.
"The problem is that teenagers are going through puberty at much younger ages than they did 30 years ago", Bush stated. "Therefore, I have signed legislation setting the minimum age for puberty at 18". I am sick and tired of hearing about children going through school with bad grades simply because of this puberty thing."
Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. said that with proper hormonal treatment puberty can be delayed indefinitely. "Desperate time call for desperate measures", Moritsugu stated. "By delaying puberty we can prevent children from having sex, reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and eliminate the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases".
"I have seen girls as young as nine with breasts and pubic hair", Moritsugu continued. "And I have heard anecdotal reports of boys that age getting erections. Mr. Bush and I agree that we must set a definite limit before it gets totally out of control".
Doctors and scientists do not fully understand why children are going through puberty so young though there is a consensus that the only way to stop it from happening is medical intervention.
"We will increase border patrols to prevent young people from going to Canada or Mexico for puberty", said Homeland Security Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell.
Not everyone favored the change to the puberty age. "If he pulls this off I'm leaving the country", said New York Pharmacist and father of three John Bakerman.
Bush did say that children who have already started will be allowed to keep their puberty, albeit in a more hormonally balanced way.
The Bill is expected to be approved by the House but may face a opposition from the hornier, Democratically controlled Senate.
"The problem is that teenagers are going through puberty at much younger ages than they did 30 years ago", Bush stated. "Therefore, I have signed legislation setting the minimum age for puberty at 18". I am sick and tired of hearing about children going through school with bad grades simply because of this puberty thing."
Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. said that with proper hormonal treatment puberty can be delayed indefinitely. "Desperate time call for desperate measures", Moritsugu stated. "By delaying puberty we can prevent children from having sex, reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and eliminate the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases".
"I have seen girls as young as nine with breasts and pubic hair", Moritsugu continued. "And I have heard anecdotal reports of boys that age getting erections. Mr. Bush and I agree that we must set a definite limit before it gets totally out of control".
Doctors and scientists do not fully understand why children are going through puberty so young though there is a consensus that the only way to stop it from happening is medical intervention.
"We will increase border patrols to prevent young people from going to Canada or Mexico for puberty", said Homeland Security Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell.
Not everyone favored the change to the puberty age. "If he pulls this off I'm leaving the country", said New York Pharmacist and father of three John Bakerman.
Bush did say that children who have already started will be allowed to keep their puberty, albeit in a more hormonally balanced way.
The Bill is expected to be approved by the House but may face a opposition from the hornier, Democratically controlled Senate.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
funny editorial : Why MUST I put the toilet seat down?
funny editorial : Why MUST I put the toilet seat down? I think I will start keeping this blog again. Does anyone remember me???
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Pope to allow Fellatio; Cunnilingus
Vatican City (AP) Priests all over the world celebrated as Pope Benedict XVI announced today that Catholic priests will now be allowed to receive fellatio and administer cunnilingus. This is in keeping with the Pope’s “modernization” of the Church.
“Celibacy needs to be defined”, the Pontiff said in a prepared statement. “I don’t think the founders of our Church ever meant to say that priests can’t have orgasms. However, priests are still forbidden from having their penis enter the vagina. Celibacy has not been abandoned”.
Fr. John McElwyn of St. Johns Cathedral praised the Pope’s decision. “Hopefully this historic decision will help sway young people to the church and steer priests away from young boys”, McElwyn said.
Sister Mary Ellen Ignatius expressed concern that the Pope was not addressing the sexual needs of nuns. “We want some too”, the sister proclaimed. “The entire church has been male dominated for hundreds of years.”
Seemingly in response to Sister Ignatius request, the Pontiff later proclaimed that the standards that apply to priests will apply equally to nuns. The Pope further added, “Anal intercourse will be permitted but strictly for non-homosexuals and lesbians. Guys on guys just totally weirds me out”.
The Pope also clarified sexual rules for the lay members. "There shall be no church restriction on Dildos, Vibrators French Ticklers or other forms of marital aids and sexual enhancement", the Pontiff decreed, "however, condoms are still forbidden". A Pontifical spokesperson said the use of sexual enhancements is in keeping with the Bibles rule of "be fruitful and multiply". "This enables more people to be more fruitful and do more multiplying" the spokesperson said.
The Pope admitted that he enjoys having his feet kissed and sees little difference between that and a full fledged blow job. His Holiness explained that it is important for priests to be able to at least partly relate to the lay believers.
Some long time parishioners were skeptical of the Popes success. “How is he going to enforce the part about keeping the penis out of the vagina?” asked 53 year old stockbroker and daily churchgoer Richard Merullo. “This is all just a crock of shit”.
The Pontiff was in conference with Sister Ignatius and not immediately available to comment.
“Celibacy needs to be defined”, the Pontiff said in a prepared statement. “I don’t think the founders of our Church ever meant to say that priests can’t have orgasms. However, priests are still forbidden from having their penis enter the vagina. Celibacy has not been abandoned”.
Fr. John McElwyn of St. Johns Cathedral praised the Pope’s decision. “Hopefully this historic decision will help sway young people to the church and steer priests away from young boys”, McElwyn said.
Sister Mary Ellen Ignatius expressed concern that the Pope was not addressing the sexual needs of nuns. “We want some too”, the sister proclaimed. “The entire church has been male dominated for hundreds of years.”
Seemingly in response to Sister Ignatius request, the Pontiff later proclaimed that the standards that apply to priests will apply equally to nuns. The Pope further added, “Anal intercourse will be permitted but strictly for non-homosexuals and lesbians. Guys on guys just totally weirds me out”.
The Pope also clarified sexual rules for the lay members. "There shall be no church restriction on Dildos, Vibrators French Ticklers or other forms of marital aids and sexual enhancement", the Pontiff decreed, "however, condoms are still forbidden". A Pontifical spokesperson said the use of sexual enhancements is in keeping with the Bibles rule of "be fruitful and multiply". "This enables more people to be more fruitful and do more multiplying" the spokesperson said.
The Pope admitted that he enjoys having his feet kissed and sees little difference between that and a full fledged blow job. His Holiness explained that it is important for priests to be able to at least partly relate to the lay believers.
Some long time parishioners were skeptical of the Popes success. “How is he going to enforce the part about keeping the penis out of the vagina?” asked 53 year old stockbroker and daily churchgoer Richard Merullo. “This is all just a crock of shit”.
The Pontiff was in conference with Sister Ignatius and not immediately available to comment.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Is masturbation SINFUL???
I actually met a "Christian" the other day who though masturbation is sinful! I felt sorry for this guy as he is young and denying himself something that every young man and woman does -- and I suspect he does too.
I patiently explained to him that during Biblical times it was considered a waste of good sperm to waste it on wanking as there were not many people in the world. However, we now live in an over-populated world. If people do not masturbate then they are forced by nature to have more sex. The population would explode! Humanity would consume all the Earths resources. Co2 levels would skyrocket! The Earth's temperature would rise to the point where no living thing could survive! Within one hundred years the planet would burn to a cinder! All because of some misguided religious belief!
I, for one, refuse to be a part of the problem! Of course I enjoy getting laid but I won't sacrifice the planet for it! For the future of humanity, let's all wank and twiddle to our hearts content! Let's make this planet a liveable place for our children and our children's children!
WHO'S WITH ME???
I patiently explained to him that during Biblical times it was considered a waste of good sperm to waste it on wanking as there were not many people in the world. However, we now live in an over-populated world. If people do not masturbate then they are forced by nature to have more sex. The population would explode! Humanity would consume all the Earths resources. Co2 levels would skyrocket! The Earth's temperature would rise to the point where no living thing could survive! Within one hundred years the planet would burn to a cinder! All because of some misguided religious belief!
I, for one, refuse to be a part of the problem! Of course I enjoy getting laid but I won't sacrifice the planet for it! For the future of humanity, let's all wank and twiddle to our hearts content! Let's make this planet a liveable place for our children and our children's children!
WHO'S WITH ME???
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Ever Been to a Psychic?
For some reason this subject popped into my head. I don't deny the reality of "psychic" abilities because I possess a bit of them myself. The thing I can't stand are the frauds, charlatans and snake-oil salesmen. One time a few years ago I heard that I could get 10 minutes on a 900 psychic line for free. I was assured I would not be charged as long as long as I hung up before 10 minutes. The conversation went something like this:
Psychic: This is Hilda, thank you for calling the psychic hotline, may I ask your name?
Me: You're the psychic you tell me!
Psychic: Is this Jeff Vachon?
Me: Wow! You have caller ID!
Psychic: How can I help you Mr Vachon?
Me: Tell me my fortune.
Psychic: You are about to have some fortune in your romantic life!
Me: Shhh! Don't tell my wife, she'll get all upset.
Psychic: You are about to encounter some very good fortune financially.
Me: You mean that stock I bought in 8-track tapes is going to pay off! Yowza!
Psychic: You don't believe in psychics, do you?
Me: Wow! You ARE psychic!
At this point I realized that nearly two minutes had gone by and I didn't want to get carried away so I ended the call. They didn't charge me but I got put on a mailing list for everyone selling everything from magic potions to tabloids.
Keep in mind, there are some GOOD psychics out there. But you will never find them on a 900 number. It reminds me of a gal I knew who did phone sex and got paid big bucks for sitting at home pretending to be aroused. But that's another story.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Beware the "Thought Police"!
Just when I thought we had reached rock bottom, the bottom fell out and the United States reached a new low! According to every news report in the world, seven men were charged on Friday with conspiring to blow up the landmark Sears Tower in Chicago. The article later stated that the men didn't actually DO anything -- they just TALKED about it. None of them had ever even BEEN to Chicago! The article in Yahoo News reads in part:
But Attorney General Alberto Gonzales told a news conference in Washington that the plotting by the "home-grown terrorism cell" never went beyond the earliest stages.
"There was no immediate threat," Gonzales said, acknowledging the defendants never had contact with al Qaeda and did not have weapons or explosives.
This mean the guys did not actually DO anything! I recall the days of my youth when you didn't get locked up or even charged for that matter until you actually committed a crime! If thinking bad thoughts is a crime then I have already killed the President and overthrown the government. Is this country totally fucked up or is it just me???
But Attorney General Alberto Gonzales told a news conference in Washington that the plotting by the "home-grown terrorism cell" never went beyond the earliest stages.
"There was no immediate threat," Gonzales said, acknowledging the defendants never had contact with al Qaeda and did not have weapons or explosives.
This mean the guys did not actually DO anything! I recall the days of my youth when you didn't get locked up or even charged for that matter until you actually committed a crime! If thinking bad thoughts is a crime then I have already killed the President and overthrown the government. Is this country totally fucked up or is it just me???
Saturday, June 17, 2006
The lovely Ann Coulter!
I wish everone would stop shitting on lovely Ann. She's a God-fearing Republican who thinks the rest of us are "godless" and immoral. Actually I like Ann just for being so entertaining. She's like a male Pat Robertson. Full of shit and proud of it! I don't DISlike her just because she's an egomaniacle, lying, hateful, vengeful, Bush-loving closeted lesbian. I just don't trust any woman with an Adams Apple bigger than mine. But on second look I must ask myself "is that an adams apple or is that simply the permanant outline of an enormous schlong she tried to stuff down her throat?"
Monday, May 29, 2006
Break the law -- But only if you do it for a long time.
What to do with all the illegal aliens? Bush wants to set up 80,000 National Guard troops around Arizona and Texas to shoo them away as they attempt to cross the border. The troops are not allowed to arrest anyone.
Reagan had the idea. Amnesty! Under Reagan, most illegal immigrants who could establish that they had resided in America continuously for five years would be granted temporary resident status, which could be upgraded to permanent residency after 18 months and, after another five years, to citizenship.
Kinda reminds me of the "statute of limitations". If you do something, say, steal a priceless painting, and are not caught for seven years then you are free and clear!
So, it's not OK to break the law BUT if you break the law for a really long time then it's OK!
So any readers out there who committed a crime a long time ago (murder excluded) rest easy! They can't touch you!
Reagan had the idea. Amnesty! Under Reagan, most illegal immigrants who could establish that they had resided in America continuously for five years would be granted temporary resident status, which could be upgraded to permanent residency after 18 months and, after another five years, to citizenship.
Kinda reminds me of the "statute of limitations". If you do something, say, steal a priceless painting, and are not caught for seven years then you are free and clear!
So, it's not OK to break the law BUT if you break the law for a really long time then it's OK!
So any readers out there who committed a crime a long time ago (murder excluded) rest easy! They can't touch you!
Saturday, May 27, 2006
It's OK to Wiretap!
I was a mere 14-year-old youth when President Nixon resigned in '74. Nixon was forced to resign in disgrace for bugging an office, The entire country was outraged. The word "Nixon" will always be equated with "criminal".
Now things are different. Bush has taken it upon himself to bug THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!!! Why are we not OUTRAGED??? If this were the 70's we'd be pounding down the door to send this man to prison.
Bush has been allowed to commit everything from wiretapping to the brutal muder of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens and hundreds of American soldiers. None of these people committed a crime against us.
Have we become so apathetic as a nation that we just don't care? We have the most ruthless, heartless dictator as our President and nothing has been done! Let's overthrow the government and get that bastard out of office and into prison where he belongs!
Woops! I shouldn't have said that! I'm going to be wiretapped for sure!
Now things are different. Bush has taken it upon himself to bug THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!!! Why are we not OUTRAGED??? If this were the 70's we'd be pounding down the door to send this man to prison.
Bush has been allowed to commit everything from wiretapping to the brutal muder of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens and hundreds of American soldiers. None of these people committed a crime against us.
Have we become so apathetic as a nation that we just don't care? We have the most ruthless, heartless dictator as our President and nothing has been done! Let's overthrow the government and get that bastard out of office and into prison where he belongs!
Woops! I shouldn't have said that! I'm going to be wiretapped for sure!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
President assures Public Everything is Great.
President Bush held a press conference this afternoon to tell the American people that there are no problems and everything is just fine despite assertions in the media to the contrary.
“I stand here before the American people to tell you there is nothing wrong. Everything is great. There are no problems”, Bush stated at the start of the press conference.
John Stafford of the Miami Post asked the President about the Iraq war. Bush replied, “that’s the best war we’ve ever had. Everything is going so well I wouldn’t even call it a war. Everyone loves us over there. Ask Tony Blair. He’ll tell ya the same thing”.
When questioned after the interview Blair responded, “ah yes. Pip pip. Everything is fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m late for a meeting with the British Tea Council. Dear, do we have any more Earl Gray?”
Science writer Paul Flemming quizzed the President on Global Warming. Bush replied, “Do you think global warming is a problem? We’ve had one of the nicest winters in history and you people are complaining? I can come and go from the White House without a jacket in the middle of January and no one has to shovel my limo out. Global warming is the best thing that ever happened to this country”.
One reporter asked Bush about the escalating crisis in Afghanistan. Bush dismissed the question by stating, “c’mon. Ask me something important”.
Bush further elaborated that the economy could not be better and everyone is making lots of money. “As far as I can see everyone in the country is happy”, Bush said among peals of laughter from the news media. “You see? These people are laughing”.
“I stand here before the American people to tell you there is nothing wrong. Everything is great. There are no problems”, Bush stated at the start of the press conference.
John Stafford of the Miami Post asked the President about the Iraq war. Bush replied, “that’s the best war we’ve ever had. Everything is going so well I wouldn’t even call it a war. Everyone loves us over there. Ask Tony Blair. He’ll tell ya the same thing”.
When questioned after the interview Blair responded, “ah yes. Pip pip. Everything is fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m late for a meeting with the British Tea Council. Dear, do we have any more Earl Gray?”
Science writer Paul Flemming quizzed the President on Global Warming. Bush replied, “Do you think global warming is a problem? We’ve had one of the nicest winters in history and you people are complaining? I can come and go from the White House without a jacket in the middle of January and no one has to shovel my limo out. Global warming is the best thing that ever happened to this country”.
One reporter asked Bush about the escalating crisis in Afghanistan. Bush dismissed the question by stating, “c’mon. Ask me something important”.
Bush further elaborated that the economy could not be better and everyone is making lots of money. “As far as I can see everyone in the country is happy”, Bush said among peals of laughter from the news media. “You see? These people are laughing”.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Whales or Seals? What to do...
I have been reading about people climbing out onto ice flows in a desperate attempt to rescue seals. I have also read about people trying desperately to save the Whales. Now the problem arises. Whales eat seals. If they don't, they'll starve. Therefore, if we save the seals then the whales will all die off. However, if we save the whales, then all the seals will die. Such a quandry! Which one do I want to save? Seals are cute, that's for sure. Whales are majestic, no doubt about it. What to do? What to DO???
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Red Rain in India and Extraterrestrial Life
Hello faithful readers (you know who you are). Once in a while I feel the need to express myself in a "not funny" kind of way. Here's a bit of research I found fascinating.
In this months issue of New Scientist there is a debate over the red rain that fell over India from July through September of 2001. It appears the red rain was actually some kind of unknown biological material that may have been extra-terrestrial in origin and may or may not have originated from an exploding meteor. Two of the most remarkable things about this "life form" is that it has no DNA structure and thrives and reproduces dramatically at temperatures above 300C. This is a considerably higher temperature than any known terrestrial life form can survive. Check out
http://arxiv.org/ftp/astro-ph/papers/0312/0312639.pdf .
Even assuming this material is not extra-terrestrial it still qualifies as a new life form. Why has there been so little press about it? Is the government trying to hide that fact that we are not alone? Why isn't this the news item of the decade??? IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR HUMANITY AT ALL???!!!
Sorry. Got funny there for a moment.
In this months issue of New Scientist there is a debate over the red rain that fell over India from July through September of 2001. It appears the red rain was actually some kind of unknown biological material that may have been extra-terrestrial in origin and may or may not have originated from an exploding meteor. Two of the most remarkable things about this "life form" is that it has no DNA structure and thrives and reproduces dramatically at temperatures above 300C. This is a considerably higher temperature than any known terrestrial life form can survive. Check out
http://arxiv.org/ftp/astro-ph/papers/0312/0312639.pdf .
Even assuming this material is not extra-terrestrial it still qualifies as a new life form. Why has there been so little press about it? Is the government trying to hide that fact that we are not alone? Why isn't this the news item of the decade??? IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR HUMANITY AT ALL???!!!
Sorry. Got funny there for a moment.
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