Are you OUTRAGED???

Miley Cyrus Achieves First Orgasm

2009-03-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

This story was banned from the sites I usually write for. Keep in mind, it's a JOKE!

Pop singing sensation and Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus proudly announced today that she achieved orgasm last night while talking on the phone with her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas.

“It was so great!” Miley exclaimed to the news media. “I have always been told that orgasms were great but I guess you don't really know until you've had your own!”

Cyrus had tried unsuccessfully to have an orgasm for over two years. Despite her best efforts and her relationship with Jonas she was never able to achieve more than a slight amount of stimulation.

“I guess this means that I'm growing up!” Cyrus declared.

Proud papa Billy Ray Cyrus was almost as excited as his daughter over her achievement. “I don't think her mother ever had an orgasm. This just proves that she takes after her daddy”, a smiling Bill Ray stated.

Nick Jonas was pleased that her could assist Miley in her efforts to achieve climax. “Of course, I had an orgasm too but I have them all the time”, the youthful pop singer told the media.

Cyrus claimed that there are no plans for a reconciliation with her ex-beau but has not ruled out anything. “Maybe we'll go out again. I think I like him better over the phone”.

Invented by a school teacher my ass!

2009-02-11T21:02:00.000-08:00

Every time I go to Trader Joe's I see that stuff at the front of the counter called Airborne and it says "invented by a school teacher". In my mind that says "don't buy this shit!"

Not only that but I'm told she's an ELEMENTARY school teacher! At first I thought it might be a genius science professor or something. But a teacher who teaches second grade, in my opinion, is not qualified to be inventing vitamins and deodorizers for the masses!

Even "invented by a salesman" would have more credibility to me. At least he would understand the importance of creating a product that people will want to buy!

But this lady IS a millionaire. Can anyone tell me, how did this shit wind up at the front of the counter at every Trader Joe's?

Obama's Bong is Missing!

2009-02-05T09:48:00.001-08:00

White House security personnel admit that they are unable to locate President Barack Obama's $1,200.00 Roor Custom Little Sista Icemaster 7.0 Bong that appears to have been stolen from his dresser in his bedroom and they have few clues as to who may have stolen it.
"I have always kept my bong in my top dresser drawer", Obama told his security officers. "If I get it back within the next 24 hours there will be no questions asked. Otherwise, I am going to have to enforce disciplinary action".

Obama claims the last time he used the bong was during the Super Bowl. Senators Arlen Specter (R-Pa) and Bob Casey (D-Pa) attended the Super Bowl Party, along with representatives Charlie Dent (R-Pa.), Mike Doyle (D-Pa.), Patrick Murphy (D-Pa.), Trent Franks (R-Az.), and Raul Grijalva (D-Az.). Other attendees included Sens. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) and Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn), Reps. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), Artur Davis (D-Ala.), Rosa DeLauro (D-Ct.), Paul Hodes (D-NH), and Fred Upton (R-Mi.), and Delegate Eleanor Holmes-Norton, (D-DC) but they all denied any knowledge of the bongs whereabouts.

Amy Klobuchar clearly recalled everyone using the Presidential bong but she insisted it was sitting on the table when she left.

"But. Then again, I was pretty wasted when I left", she admitted.

The President claimed he returned the bong to his dresser drawer after the party. "I clearly recall taking the bong back to my room, cleaning it in the bathroom and returning it to its usual place", Obama stated.

White House housekeeping staff have been alerted that they will all be investigated and disciplinary actions may be forthcoming.

Oddly, the President claims that although the bong is missing, his stash of pure grade Afghani marijuana appears to be untouched.

"The only part missing in the two onces or so we smoked during the game", Obama stated.

Obama told news reporters that it's not the intrinsic value of the bong so much as the sentimental value.

"That bong got me through college", Obama lamented.

*Update: No sooner was this story published than his 7-year-old daughter Sasha admitted she brought the bong to her class for show and tell. The bong has since been returned to the Presidential dresser.

Salvia Divinorum is legal!

2009-02-04T18:18:00.001-08:00

I'm 48 years old now but back when I was a youth many young people were trying to catch a great hallucinatory experience. I admit, I tried a bit of LSD, some shrooms etc. We always risked getting arrested for having that stuff.

But today kids have salvia divinorum! It's legal everywhere except Louisiana, Missouri, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Delaware. Buy your now before the feds decide to make it illegal everywhere!

There's a pill for that!

2009-02-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

Every time I turn on the TV there is a medicine for something or other. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, acid reflux disease, restless leg syndrome, vaginal dryness, sexual dysfunction, impotency and weight loss among others.

I saw an ad for 'low dose' aspirin. I checked the store shelves and the stuff is very expensive! However, if we don't take it we will all have heart attacks and die. The thing they don't tell us is that a couple of cheap baby aspirin are exactly the same thing.

I recently read that the cholesterol fighting drug Crestor cuts heart attack deaths in low risk patients by 50%! However, most low risk patients will never have a heart attack anyway. That's why they are low risk.

I think too many people are taking medicines they don't need and the side effects are usually worse than what they are trying to cure.

Do I sound cynical? Perhaps. Maybe they have a pill for that!

"Feeling cynical? Try new Anticyn! Anticyn will releive cynical symptoms for up to 8 full hours!"

Bush's Abstinence Only Program was another of his massive failures!

2009-01-21T15:26:00.000-08:00

Bush spent over $200 million a year of taxpayer money to prevent teenagers from having sex! Every time the government gets involved it makes bad things worse and turns things that were not problems into problems!

Blogger does not want me posting this. You'll have to cut and paste. Sorry for the inconvenience! http://unconfirmedsources.com/index.php?itemid=3966

Check out the full story at

Was the Presidential Election Rigged?

2009-01-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

Now that Obama is officially the President I ask myself, "was the election rigged?"

I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I seems to me that the Republicans could not have run a worse campaign if they tried. Or did they try to run a bad campaign?

Sarah Palin, though I'm sure she's a lovely lady and makes a fine fruitcake, could not possibly be less qualified for the position of second head honcho. She had no experience outside the frozen tundra of Alaska, no foreign policy experience, no idea what Washington politics are about, has a knocked up 17 year old daughter and a husband who would rather go snowmobiling than be at home. I do think she's a nice piece of ass and she's close to my age but she's got that Evangelical Christian thing going on. Ergo, she was a recipe for disaster from the start!

John McCain, though I'm sure he makes a mean barbecue, was old, self-indulgent, sickly (he's been treated for melanoma twice), out of touch with technology and perhaps the least desirable republican to ever run for office.

As Sarah so aptly stated, “It's amazing we did as well as we did!”

John McCain, for all his myriad faults and failings, is no idiot. There were certainly many more qualified people to fill the office of VP than little Miss Ex-Beauty Queen that would have been ideal. Condoleezza Rice for example. She's female, conservative, popular and she's also black! Why wasn't she considered?

My brother, a staunch conservative who once worked in the billowed halls of Congress for former Senator Dole, even agreed that McCain is an asshole and wouldn't vote for him.

Was there some kind of massive conspiracy construed by the Bush administration to silence his own party? Is there some sort of agenda that we are not hearing about? Or are the Republicans as corrupt, ignorant and out of touch as they seem?

Former President Bush should be imprisoned for life or worse.

2009-01-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

Now that Obama is President he should call the former Chief Executive to answer for his crimes.

(Keep in mind, Bush/Cheney are interchangeable)

What is Bush's legacy? He has been very successful! He succeeded in destroying an entire nation which presented no threat to the United States. He succeeded in killing 1.2 million people thus putting even Saddam Hussein's record to shame. He caused untold millions of injuries, many of them permanent. He succeeded in destroying a trillion dollars worth of real estate. He succeeded in destroying our economy. He succeeded in turning our country Communist (OK, maybe just Socialist) as he took over banks and insurance industries. He succeeded in killing hundreds of poor people during Hurricane Katrina. He succeeded in making the United States the most despised nation on Earth.

Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't so successful!

Indeed, Bush has succeeded in everything he's set out to do. The only thing he didn't do was get a blow job because that would have gotten him impeached. Not to mention he's dickless.

Might I suggest Bush be put into prison with a muscular, 300 pound black homosexual as his cellmate? I don't believe in capitol punishment as that would be too good for him.

A note to Homeland Security, we still have free speech. So shut up.

I'm sorry. Did that come across as being harsh?

Let's keep our fingers crossed that the new Boss will be different!

Whatever Happened to the Firm Handshake?

2009-01-16T19:44:00.001-08:00

Maybe I'm getting old or maybe I'm just old fashioned but when I shake someone's hand I would appreciate it if they took my hand and shook back!
Over New Years I had the opportunity to shake quite a few hands. I was introduced to a very attractive young lady who, I am told, is an up and coming actress. "Hi, my name's Nick", I said to her as I extended my hand.

She extended her hand and let it hang there limply as I grasped it. "Nice to meet you", she said. I had trouble believing that it was really nice to meet me. She didn't even bother to wrap her thumb. I might as well have been shaking a padded twig. I felt like screaming, "HEY LADY IF YOU CAN OPEN A FRICKIN PICKLE JAR THEN YOU CAN GIVE ME A DECENT HANDSHAKE!"

Men are also guilty of this. There's few things I find as annoying as the 'dead fish' handshake. Are these guys afraid that they are going to damage my hand or their own by applying a little pressure? We are men! Let's greet each other with manly handshakes, shall we?

I feel more secure meeting someone when I get a little squeeze of my hand. I'm not asking you to arm wrestle.

There's life in the Solar System!

2009-01-15T13:03:00.000-08:00

I have been reading about the significance of methane gas found on Mars. Not only has it been found on Mars, it's also been found in great quantity on Saturn's moon Titan, Saturn's moon Enceladus and all over the fricking solar system.

Methane is mostly caused, quite frankly, by farting. At least here on earth. The methane found on Mars seems to be emanating from caves. Strangely, it will dissipate from one cave then reappear in another. Why don't scientists just say the most likely explanation is there is life on Mars? Recent probes have already proven the soil is fertile!

Enceladus not only has methane, it's also belching out plumbs of liquid water! Titan has a methane rich atmosphere and, it would seem, oceans of liquid water under the surface! The Jupiter moon Europa has oceans of water perhaps 60 miles deep!

Yes folks, there's life in the solar system and they stink just as bad as we do!

Of course, the Evangelicals do not want any part of the Bible disproved, seeing as how most of it has proven to be fairy tales already.

2009-01-11T12:16:00.000-08:00

S E E Quine has requested that I update my blog. I haven't done so in MONTHS! However, you can catch some of my satire at http://unconfirmedsources.com/index.php?memberid=30 if you feel so inclined. Howdy Seequine! I'm doing all this just for you! Send me an email! Put me on your Facebook!

To Promote Abstinence, Bush Begins 'Just say NO to vagina' Campaign

2007-08-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

Written by NickFun (same story but with a picture at
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i23057)

President Bush and his wife Laura announced today that the federal government will attempt to promote their Abstinence Only program and discourage teenage boys from having sex with a new $1.2 Billion 'Just say NO to vagina' advertising campaign.

"The problem is that teenage boys don't seem to be able to resist vaginas." Bush said. "When I was a youth we were satisfied with a quick breast feel or a peek at the panties. We understood that penile penetration of the vagina was a sacred act reserved for married adult couples. We must promote Christian values and celibacy by proclaiming the evils of unwed vaginas and inappropriate and underage coital insertion".

His wife Laura firmly agreed. "That's right", she said.

Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. believes that sex at too young an age can lead to both physical and mental challenges later in life. "Sex before the age of 21 can lead to physical problems such as impotency, kidney trouble, early onset Alzheimer's and obesity. Not to mention the usual litany of sexually transmitted diseases".

"Also", Moritsugu continued, "premature sex can lead to mental illnesses such as paranoia, schizophrenia and psychosis."

The advertising agency of Eileen & Ben Dover will be handling the television and print advertising for the new campaign. The television ad campaign will portray a young man locked in a straightjacket, rocking back and forth in his chair with an insane look in his eye as the announcer proclaims, "He though it would be OK to have sex at 16. He was wrong". The caption below reads: Just say NO to vagina".

Buy our product or you will die!

2007-07-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

We are a country dominated by fear. Advertising is geared toward the "What if" factor.

I just watched a TV commercial for ADT Security Systems. The commercial portrays a hapless victim describing how thieves had broken into his home and stolen all his merchandise. Then he spoke about what could have happened if he and his wife were home! At this point the viewer is forced to imagine some horrific scene of extreme bloodshed and mayhem! If we don't all buy an ADT system we risk this horrifying albeit imagined scenario! Surely there are some schmucks out there that will buy one. They even offer a "theft guarantee". I would imagine this is easy because so few homes with or without this system will ever be broken into.

Prescription medicines also work on this principle. Cholesterol medicines very subtly tell us that if we don't take their medicine we will all die of heart attacks. Plavix has an ad that says "no matter how formidable you are, you're no match for a dangerous clot". Egad! I better get some Plavix right now! After all, I'm not pregnant or plan to become pregnant!

The same is true of expensive "low dose" aspirin. This product wil lower your chance of a heart attack by 30%!! What they don't tell you is that a couple of inexpensive baby aspirin are the same thing.

Just about every medicine on TV is aimed at our fears. In the old days, the choice of medicines for ailments was chosen by a doctor or pharmacist. Now WE are the ones that choose our medicines.

Insurance companies tell us that we will all have terrible car accidents and we will be in tremendous debt unless we use their particular insurance.

Online dating services tell us will will all die alone unless we join.

My chain-smoking, processed-food loving, pastry eating grandma just passed away at 102. Her philosophy was simple. "Do whatever the hell you want and don't worry about it".

Bush announces his plan to destroy America

2007-07-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i22389

According to White House sources, President George W. Bush has secretly begun a campaign to destroy the U.S. economy in order to combat illegal immigration and terrorism.

White House Deputy Press Secretary Dana Perino claimed that rising interest rates, increased government spending, huge personal debts and negative cash flows are discouraging would-be illegal immigrants from entering the U.S.

"We need to stop illegal immigration at the source", Perino said at a press conference. "The reasons people are sneaking across the border are because they are seeking better jobs, better home life, more financial security and a better quality of life. If we eliminate these incentives then illegal immigration will become a thing of the past".

"Terrorists attack the U.S. because they feel threatened by our tremendous wealth", Perino continued. "If they feel that they are better off than we are then they will no longer feel the need to attack us".

U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson agreed with Perino's statement. "Our country has been too wealthy for too long", Paulson said. "We must destroy the infrastructure of the nation in order to keep Mexicans, Canadians, Chinese and other illegals from landing on our shore."

Director of National "Intelligence" Mike McConnell said that the U.S. will start playing films at all border crossing displaying the decaying state of America. "When them illegals catch glimpse of how bad America is they will change their minds and go home", McConnell stated.

At a Rose Garden reception later this afternoon George W. Bush expressed confidence that his plan will work.

"Pretty soon we won't see anymore Mexicans climbing over the fence", Bush told an associate.

STUDY SHOWS PEOPLE HATE STORIES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS

2007-07-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

A FIVE YEAR, $11.2 MILLION DOLLAR US GOVERNMENT STUDY HAS PROVEN THAT MOST READERS DO NOT LIKE STORIES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS, ACCORDING TO THE STUDIES PRINCIPAL AUTHOR JAMES HASSENHOFF.

"THE ALL-CAPS STUDY HAS SHOWN THAT PEOPLE PREFER A COMBINATION OF CAPS AND NON-CAPS", HASSENHOFF SAID. "PEOPLE LIKE THEIR SENTENCES TO START WITH CAPS BUT WITH EVERY SUBSEQUENT LETTER IN THE SENTENCE TO BE IN LOWER CASE, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF PROPER NAMES AND SOME NOUNS".

"PEOPLE CONSIDER ALL CAPS THER SAME AS SHOUTING", SAID PATRICIA JENKINS, A POST-DOCTORAL STUDENT WORKING ON THE STUDY.

JENKINS SAID THAT ALL-LOWER-CASE CAN BE EQUALLY ANOYING.

"all lower case makes it look like you're whispering", jenkins said very quietly.

THE RESEARCHERS RECOMMEND THAT AMERICANS USE A COMBINATION OF UPPER AND LOWER CASE LETTERING IN THEIR EMAIL AND DAILY CORRESPONDENCE.

"ANOTHER PROBLEM", HASSENHOFF CONTINUED, "IS THAT ON MOST WORD PROCESSORS SPELL CHECK DOES NOT WORK IN ALL CAPS THUS FORCING THE WRITER TO DO MORE HEAVY EDITING. TIS LOWERS AMERICAN PRODUCTIBITY".

NOW THAT THE ALL CAPS STUDY HAS BEEN COMPLETED THE REASERCHERS WILL SPEND THE NEXT FIVE YEARS STUDYING THE IMPORTANCE OF PUNCTUATION CLEVER READERS WILL FIND THE SELLING ERRORS IN THIS DUCUMENT

Did Paris Hilton Get Special Treatment?

2007-07-14T16:05:00.000-07:00

Paris got Perks in Jail
Story written: 15 July 2007

LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department has opened an investigation into whether Paris Hilton received special "perks" during her 23 days in jail last month.

"Ms Hilton was allowed a cell phone, cable TV with all HBO channels, her own King Size bed, caviar, champagne, silk evening gowns, overnight visitors and several small evening soirees loaded with celebrities", according a jail official who asked not to be named. "She also was allowed trips to the hairdresser and manicurist".

Other jail officials were adamant that Paris received no special treatment. "She didn't get anything. Nothing. She was treated mercilessly just like all the prisoners. She wasn't ever allowed out of her cell and she had to relieve herself in a bucket", according to a jail guard.

Paris herself was mostly silent on the matter except to say that "home is much nice than jail".

I have sold out...

2007-07-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

Blogger is offering to PAY every time someone visits the site. All I have to do is agree to have ads on my site. I'm hoping that most of my readers (among the few I have left after my long absence) will be intelligent enough to know what to do. It won't be long before you can enter my site and line my pockets at the same time. If you also do the "AdSense" thing then I can visit YOUR site and line YOUR pockets. Google is worth hundreds of billions. This is our chance to cash in! I can see myself with a a NEW JACUZZI in my backyard! Or driving a GREAT NEW SPORTS CAR!!!. Maybe I will become the BLOGGER KING!!!

Sorry. I'm being selfish. I also promise to give a dollar to the poor every once in a while.

DC Madam Reveals Political Preferences

2007-07-09T21:24:00.001-07:00

Washington DC - Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the notorious owner of Deborah Jeane Palfrey's Escort Service, was forced to hand over her Washington DC client list to a Grand Jury this afternoon.The list contained not only the client list but the clients personal sexual preferences as well. I managed to get a copy of the list.

Though the actual list is over 387 pages, here are some of the highlights:

Randall Tobias, the now former director of U.S. Foreign Assistance and former administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development enjoys dressing in diapers and having his ass whacked with a steel brush as he cries. Tobias, 65, was forced to resign his position because of his relationship with the escort service.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates enjoys having his toes sucked while he sings "The Star Spangled Banner" off key.

Dick Cheney enjoys receiving fellatio as he complains bitterly about his wife's sagging breasts.

George W Bush also solicited the services of the Escort Service but he simply enjoys watching the ladies undress and undulate while he sits there with an appalled expression on his face.

National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice enjoys foursomes including two lesbian women and an Arab of either sex.Mike Johanns

Dirk Kempthorne, Elaine Chao, Henry M. Paulson, Jr., Jim Nicholson and other members of Bush's cabinet enjoy engaging in an orgy amongst themselves with 3 to 5 of Palfrey's escorts thrown in.

Bush Admits to Masturbating

2007-07-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

In an unusually candid interview this afternoon President George W Bush, an outspoken opponent of pornography, admits that he masturbated once when he was younger.

"I tried it once when I was at Yale", Bush told a reporter. "It's not something I am proud of, I didn't ejaculate, I didn't enjoy it and I would never do it again".

Bush insists that he didn't use porn during his masturbatory misadventure. "It started", Bush said, "when I caught a glimpse up Rebbecca Johnson's skirt. I could clearly see the crotch of her panties and this stimulated me. It was simply a youthful experimentation. I do understand that some young people do it regularly and this disturbs me. The Bible clearly states that we shouldn't be spilling our seed and that to do so is an offense against the almighty".

Rebbecca Johnson, now Rebbecca Van Wendt, was contacted at her home in New Canaan, CT. She was appalled when she heard that her privacy had been violated. "He did that? What a perv! If I knew he was like that I never would have voted for him." Ms Johnson later revealed that she didn't vote for him.

Bush was adamant that the viewing of nude women was also wrong. "Men should not be looking at nude women. I have never seen my wife naked. We've had sex twice and both times it was in the dark and for the intention of producing offspring. I never had sex with her again after the twins were born".

First Lady Laura Bush confirmed her husband's statement. "The first time was a few months after on our wedding and the second time was a few years later when the twins were conceived".

Mrs Bush's long-time private gardener agreed with Mrs Bush's statement. "She hasn't had sex with him but she doesn't need to", he said with a smile.

American Armed Forces Turning to Gay Lifestyle

2007-07-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

Many American soldiers prefer the air-conditioned indoor intimacy of tanks like this one.

The vast majority of American soldiers stationed in Iraq are starting to display homosexual characteristics, according to a Pentagon report secretly leaked to the media.

American servicemen serving extended stays in Iraq have been deprived of the company of women and are rarely even allowed to speak with their wives or girlfriends. All Iraqi women are required to be covered in veils and tarps. Servicemen are not allowed pornography or any depiction of nude women. This has resulted in many formerly heterosexual soldiers to turn gay.

"That's not true at all", said Rear Admiral Mark Fox, communications director for Multinational Force Iraq as he sipped a fruity cocktail. "There are no gay boys or homos in my platoon or any Iraqi platoon".

Some soldiers disputed Fox assertions. "We have to sleep with boys and shower with boys and spend all our time with boys", said a Sergeant who did not want his name revealed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures".

"There are some advantages", said an unnamed Private. "Now I can just throw a pillow on my sleeping bag and the whole tent looks fabulous".

One Iraqi platoon was seen putting on their own Broadway-style musicals. Another platoon was reprimanded for demanding matching drapes and shower curtains. Army psychologists are investigating the matter.

The Spoof was unable to reveal the thousands of names of Iraqi soldiers because of the Military's strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

The Wizard of Oz is NOT for children!

2007-07-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Children should not be watching The Wizard of Oz. It teaches them all the wrong lessons! People are under the mistaken belief that Dorothy is the good guy, whereas, in reality, Dorothy is the bad guy!

The picture turns evil when the movie changes from black and white to color. The first thing that happens is Dorothy's house lands in Oz and she kills this lady with her house! That's murder! But when Dorothy comes out of her house everyone is singing and dancing at the heinous crime that Dorothy just committed. Dorothy herself feels not a bit of remorse.

Then Glinda, the so called "good witch" shows up and insists Dorothy steal the shoes of the dead lady. The lady's not even cold and they're stealing from her! At this point the dead lady's sister shows up and asks for the shoes. She's next of kin! She's entitled! That's her sisters only legacy -- her rightful inheritance! But Dorothy and Glinda won't give her the shoes!

After that Dorothy, the little sociopath, skips happily down the yellow brick road like nothing happened!

Then she comes across the scarecrow. She asks the scarecrow, "which way should I go?" Here's a kid that's what, 12 or 13 years old? The scarecrow says "some people go this way, some people go that way and some people go BOTH WAYS! Not MY kids!

Dorothy and her three boyfriends skip on down the road until they come to this big field of poppies. POPPIES!!! That's what they make heroin out of! Dorothy starts feeling stoned and passes out. Then Glinda shows up and gives her some snow! Can you say COCAINE??? This peps her up enough so she cn get to Oz where she can see the "horse of different color". I also saw this 30 years ago when I was tripping on acid!

Later on in the film Dorothy kills the Witch of the West and steals her broom! First she kills her sister, then she steals her inheritance then she murders her! Is it any wonder why the "Witch of the West" is so upset? I would say the witch was restrained to the point of sainthood! I would have been pissed off at Dorothy too!

In conclusion, Dorothy has only been in Oz a few days and she becomes a murderer -- TWICE, a thief, a lesbian and a drug abuser! Do we really want our kids watching this???

Why are people offended by porn?

2007-07-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

I was on the Flickr Photo web site the other day with my lady friend. We stumbled upon a picture of a nude woman with her legs spread.

“That’s totally disgusting”, my lady friend said.

As she said that I started thinking. Every human being on Earth is the end result of a naked man standing over a naked woman with her legs spread. Every human is the result of a man inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina.

My lady friend, and nearly every other woman on Earth, loves sex! So many people are offended by pictures of men inserting the penises into women but they love inserting their OWN penises into women’s vaginas.

If not for naked women with spread legs and naked men with erect penises the entire human race would cease to exist! But we find pictures of the same thing disgusting? We see a baby being born and comment on how beautiful it is. But if we witness the act that caused that baby to be born we revile in abject horror!

Doesn't this make us hypocrites of the highest order?

There is definitely something wrong with our way of thinking when a President is impeached for have sexual relations with a woman whereas another President is allowed to brutally murder hundreds of thousands without reprisal.

“Don’t you think so”, my girlfriend asked, bringing me back to reality.

“Huh? Oh yea. It sure is”, I replied.

Abstinence Program Fails; Bush Sets Puberty Age at 18

2007-06-28T14:37:00.002-07:00

A Study commissioned by Congress promoting abstinence only programs has proven completely ineffective in preventing or delaying teenagers from having sexual intercourse. Therefore, President Bush has set the minimum age for puberty at 18 for all U.S. youth.

"The problem is that teenagers are going through puberty at much younger ages than they did 30 years ago", Bush stated. "Therefore, I have signed legislation setting the minimum age for puberty at 18". I am sick and tired of hearing about children going through school with bad grades simply because of this puberty thing."

Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. said that with proper hormonal treatment puberty can be delayed indefinitely. "Desperate time call for desperate measures", Moritsugu stated. "By delaying puberty we can prevent children from having sex, reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and eliminate the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases".

"I have seen girls as young as nine with breasts and pubic hair", Moritsugu continued. "And I have heard anecdotal reports of boys that age getting erections. Mr. Bush and I agree that we must set a definite limit before it gets totally out of control".

Doctors and scientists do not fully understand why children are going through puberty so young though there is a consensus that the only way to stop it from happening is medical intervention.

"We will increase border patrols to prevent young people from going to Canada or Mexico for puberty", said Homeland Security Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell.

Not everyone favored the change to the puberty age. "If he pulls this off I'm leaving the country", said New York Pharmacist and father of three John Bakerman.

Bush did say that children who have already started will be allowed to keep their puberty, albeit in a more hormonally balanced way.

The Bill is expected to be approved by the House but may face a opposition from the hornier, Democratically controlled Senate.

2007-06-28T14:37:00.001-07:00

funny editorial : Why MUST I put the toilet seat down?

2007-06-26T23:31:00.000-07:00

funny editorial : Why MUST I put the toilet seat down? I think I will start keeping this blog again. Does anyone remember me???

Pope to allow Fellatio; Cunnilingus

2006-12-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

Vatican City (AP) Priests all over the world celebrated as Pope Benedict XVI announced today that Catholic priests will now be allowed to receive fellatio and administer cunnilingus. This is in keeping with the Pope’s “modernization” of the Church.

“Celibacy needs to be defined”, the Pontiff said in a prepared statement. “I don’t think the founders of our Church ever meant to say that priests can’t have orgasms. However, priests are still forbidden from having their penis enter the vagina. Celibacy has not been abandoned”.

Fr. John McElwyn of St. Johns Cathedral praised the Pope’s decision. “Hopefully this historic decision will help sway young people to the church and steer priests away from young boys”, McElwyn said.

Sister Mary Ellen Ignatius expressed concern that the Pope was not addressing the sexual needs of nuns. “We want some too”, the sister proclaimed. “The entire church has been male dominated for hundreds of years.”

Seemingly in response to Sister Ignatius request, the Pontiff later proclaimed that the standards that apply to priests will apply equally to nuns. The Pope further added, “Anal intercourse will be permitted but strictly for non-homosexuals and lesbians. Guys on guys just totally weirds me out”.

The Pope also clarified sexual rules for the lay members. "There shall be no church restriction on Dildos, Vibrators French Ticklers or other forms of marital aids and sexual enhancement", the Pontiff decreed, "however, condoms are still forbidden". A Pontifical spokesperson said the use of sexual enhancements is in keeping with the Bibles rule of "be fruitful and multiply". "This enables more people to be more fruitful and do more multiplying" the spokesperson said.

The Pope admitted that he enjoys having his feet kissed and sees little difference between that and a full fledged blow job. His Holiness explained that it is important for priests to be able to at least partly relate to the lay believers.

Some long time parishioners were skeptical of the Popes success. “How is he going to enforce the part about keeping the penis out of the vagina?” asked 53 year old stockbroker and daily churchgoer Richard Merullo. “This is all just a crock of shit”.

The Pontiff was in conference with Sister Ignatius and not immediately available to comment.

Is masturbation SINFUL???

2006-07-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

I actually met a "Christian" the other day who though masturbation is sinful! I felt sorry for this guy as he is young and denying himself something that every young man and woman does -- and I suspect he does too.

I patiently explained to him that during Biblical times it was considered a waste of good sperm to waste it on wanking as there were not many people in the world. However, we now live in an over-populated world. If people do not masturbate then they are forced by nature to have more sex. The population would explode! Humanity would consume all the Earths resources. Co2 levels would skyrocket! The Earth's temperature would rise to the point where no living thing could survive! Within one hundred years the planet would burn to a cinder! All because of some misguided religious belief!

I, for one, refuse to be a part of the problem! Of course I enjoy getting laid but I won't sacrifice the planet for it! For the future of humanity, let's all wank and twiddle to our hearts content! Let's make this planet a liveable place for our children and our children's children!

WHO'S WITH ME???

Ever Been to a Psychic?

2006-07-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

For some reason this subject popped into my head. I don't deny the reality of "psychic" abilities because I possess a bit of them myself. The thing I can't stand are the frauds, charlatans and snake-oil salesmen. One time a few years ago I heard that I could get 10 minutes on a 900 psychic line for free. I was assured I would not be charged as long as long as I hung up before 10 minutes. The conversation went something like this:

Psychic: This is Hilda, thank you for calling the psychic hotline, may I ask your name?

Me: You're the psychic you tell me!

Psychic: Is this Jeff Vachon?

Me: Wow! You have caller ID!

Psychic: How can I help you Mr Vachon?

Me: Tell me my fortune.

Psychic: You are about to have some fortune in your romantic life!

Me: Shhh! Don't tell my wife, she'll get all upset.

Psychic: You are about to encounter some very good fortune financially.

Me: You mean that stock I bought in 8-track tapes is going to pay off! Yowza!

Psychic: You don't believe in psychics, do you?

Me: Wow! You ARE psychic!

At this point I realized that nearly two minutes had gone by and I didn't want to get carried away so I ended the call. They didn't charge me but I got put on a mailing list for everyone selling everything from magic potions to tabloids.

Keep in mind, there are some GOOD psychics out there. But you will never find them on a 900 number. It reminds me of a gal I knew who did phone sex and got paid big bucks for sitting at home pretending to be aroused. But that's another story.

Beware the "Thought Police"!

2006-06-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought we had reached rock bottom, the bottom fell out and the United States reached a new low! According to every news report in the world, seven men were charged on Friday with conspiring to blow up the landmark Sears Tower in Chicago. The article later stated that the men didn't actually DO anything -- they just TALKED about it. None of them had ever even BEEN to Chicago! The article in Yahoo News reads in part:

But Attorney General Alberto Gonzales told a news conference in Washington that the plotting by the "home-grown terrorism cell" never went beyond the earliest stages.

"There was no immediate threat," Gonzales said, acknowledging the defendants never had contact with al Qaeda and did not have weapons or explosives.

This mean the guys did not actually DO anything! I recall the days of my youth when you didn't get locked up or even charged for that matter until you actually committed a crime! If thinking bad thoughts is a crime then I have already killed the President and overthrown the government. Is this country totally fucked up or is it just me???

The lovely Ann Coulter!

2006-06-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

I wish everone would stop shitting on lovely Ann. She's a God-fearing Republican who thinks the rest of us are "godless" and immoral. Actually I like Ann just for being so entertaining. She's like a male Pat Robertson. Full of shit and proud of it! I don't DISlike her just because she's an egomaniacle, lying, hateful, vengeful, Bush-loving closeted lesbian. I just don't trust any woman with an Adams Apple bigger than mine. But on second look I must ask myself "is that an adams apple or is that simply the permanant outline of an enormous schlong she tried to stuff down her throat?"

Break the law -- But only if you do it for a long time.

2006-05-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

What to do with all the illegal aliens? Bush wants to set up 80,000 National Guard troops around Arizona and Texas to shoo them away as they attempt to cross the border. The troops are not allowed to arrest anyone.

Reagan had the idea. Amnesty! Under Reagan, most illegal immigrants who could establish that they had resided in America continuously for five years would be granted temporary resident status, which could be upgraded to permanent residency after 18 months and, after another five years, to citizenship.

Kinda reminds me of the "statute of limitations". If you do something, say, steal a priceless painting, and are not caught for seven years then you are free and clear!

So, it's not OK to break the law BUT if you break the law for a really long time then it's OK!

So any readers out there who committed a crime a long time ago (murder excluded) rest easy! They can't touch you!

It's OK to Wiretap!

2006-05-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

I was a mere 14-year-old youth when President Nixon resigned in '74. Nixon was forced to resign in disgrace for bugging an office, The entire country was outraged. The word "Nixon" will always be equated with "criminal".

Now things are different. Bush has taken it upon himself to bug THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!!! Why are we not OUTRAGED??? If this were the 70's we'd be pounding down the door to send this man to prison.

Bush has been allowed to commit everything from wiretapping to the brutal muder of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens and hundreds of American soldiers. None of these people committed a crime against us.

Have we become so apathetic as a nation that we just don't care? We have the most ruthless, heartless dictator as our President and nothing has been done! Let's overthrow the government and get that bastard out of office and into prison where he belongs!

Woops! I shouldn't have said that! I'm going to be wiretapped for sure!

President assures Public Everything is Great.

2006-03-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

President Bush held a press conference this afternoon to tell the American people that there are no problems and everything is just fine despite assertions in the media to the contrary.

“I stand here before the American people to tell you there is nothing wrong. Everything is great. There are no problems”, Bush stated at the start of the press conference.

John Stafford of the Miami Post asked the President about the Iraq war. Bush replied, “that’s the best war we’ve ever had. Everything is going so well I wouldn’t even call it a war. Everyone loves us over there. Ask Tony Blair. He’ll tell ya the same thing”.

When questioned after the interview Blair responded, “ah yes. Pip pip. Everything is fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m late for a meeting with the British Tea Council. Dear, do we have any more Earl Gray?”

Science writer Paul Flemming quizzed the President on Global Warming. Bush replied, “Do you think global warming is a problem? We’ve had one of the nicest winters in history and you people are complaining? I can come and go from the White House without a jacket in the middle of January and no one has to shovel my limo out. Global warming is the best thing that ever happened to this country”.

One reporter asked Bush about the escalating crisis in Afghanistan. Bush dismissed the question by stating, “c’mon. Ask me something important”.

Bush further elaborated that the economy could not be better and everyone is making lots of money. “As far as I can see everyone in the country is happy”, Bush said among peals of laughter from the news media. “You see? These people are laughing”.

Whales or Seals? What to do...

2006-03-17T11:05:00.000-08:00

I have been reading about people climbing out onto ice flows in a desperate attempt to rescue seals. I have also read about people trying desperately to save the Whales. Now the problem arises. Whales eat seals. If they don't, they'll starve. Therefore, if we save the seals then the whales will all die off. However, if we save the whales, then all the seals will die. Such a quandry! Which one do I want to save? Seals are cute, that's for sure. Whales are majestic, no doubt about it. What to do? What to DO???

Red Rain in India and Extraterrestrial Life

2006-03-08T13:13:00.000-08:00

Hello faithful readers (you know who you are). Once in a while I feel the need to express myself in a "not funny" kind of way. Here's a bit of research I found fascinating.

In this months issue of New Scientist there is a debate over the red rain that fell over India from July through September of 2001. It appears the red rain was actually some kind of unknown biological material that may have been extra-terrestrial in origin and may or may not have originated from an exploding meteor. Two of the most remarkable things about this "life form" is that it has no DNA structure and thrives and reproduces dramatically at temperatures above 300C. This is a considerably higher temperature than any known terrestrial life form can survive. Check out

http://arxiv.org/ftp/astro-ph/papers/0312/0312639.pdf .

Even assuming this material is not extra-terrestrial it still qualifies as a new life form. Why has there been so little press about it? Is the government trying to hide that fact that we are not alone? Why isn't this the news item of the decade??? IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR HUMANITY AT ALL???!!!

Sorry. Got funny there for a moment.

President did not know about levees

2006-03-04T11:10:00.000-08:00

President Bush defended his actions in the aftermath of Hurrican Katrina. Bush admitted that he was never told what “levees” were before the destruction.

“I didn’t know what they were”, Bush said. “I though levees were something you used to get you car out of a ditch or something. I sure as hell wasn’t going to spend tax dollars to make sure peoples cars didn’t get stuck in ditches”.

“Even though I know what levees are now, I still stand by what I did”, Bush continued. “These are poor people we’re talking about. Most of these people didn’t have a pot to piss in. I had a vacation coming up. What do you think I’m gonna do, ruin my vacation to help a few poor colored people? Would YOU do that?" Bush asked a reporter.

"If I was President I would sir", the reporter replied.

"Well, that's why you're not President", Bush responded defensively.

Doping to be allowed at Olympic Games

2006-03-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

In response to sagging television ratings and decreased interest, the International Olympic Committee has decided to allow athletes the use of performance-enhancing drugs and has abandoned all urine and blood analysis.

“We had dismal ratings for the Winter Olympics this years”, Olympic Committee spokesperson Jason Felder said at a news conference. “We would have a much greater viewership if the Games were more exciting. We will not make the same mistake for the Summer Games.”

Most of the athletes expressed enthusiasm at the Committee’s decision. “We’ve been doping up for years anyway”, said speed skater Tonya Michaels, “Just now we won’t have to hide it. You don’t think I got these powerful thighs and tight ass from exercise alone, do you?”

US Super-Heavyweight weightlifter Todd Rogers expressed relief at the decision. “I was so afraid I was gonna get caught this time”, he remarked. “Now I can take my ‘medications’ without fear of being tossed off the team”.

International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge said that he was sick and tired of perfectly good athletes being ousted from the Games for taking cold medications or attempting to better themselves in any way possible. “We now encourage athletes to do whatever it takes to be the best they can be”, he said. “With this long-overdue decision form the Committee we will now see records broken like never before. Runners will run faster. Weightlifters will be lifting twice what they could before. Gymnasts will be able to perform acrobatics that the world has never seen! I anticipate the entire world will be watching the Games this year without exception. Advertising revenues will go through the roof!”

A very small percentage of athletes did not welcome the news so quickly. “I’m allergic to some of those drugs”, said African marathon runner Xula Kinte. “I am #1 in the world but I won’t stand a chance this time”.

After this interview Kinte was assured by doctors that hypo-allergenic performance enhancing drugs were now available and he was noticeably relieved. “Olympics move you ass here I come!” Kinte exclaimed excitedly.

Olympic financial spokesperson Delores Johansen said this move will enable the Olympic Committee to save money. “It only makes goos fiscal sense to abandon the drug testing”, she stated, “drug testing costs thousands of dollars per athlete. We will now be able to make the Games profitable without destroying the good names of the athletes.”

Dr. Harvey Johnson, the US Olympic Committee’s chief of Medicine said that this could be the best thing for the athletes. “As long as they are taking the drugs under a doctors supervision they will be fine”, he stated. “It’s only dangerous when they take the drugs off the street and try to hide it from urinalysis that it becomes a problem. The athletes will be much healthier if they don’t go downing all those cover-ups agents. That’s where the real health threats lie”.

Dr. Johnson recommends anabolic steroids for weight-lifters, gymnasts, short distance runners and anyone doing strength training. He also recommended Human Growth Hormone to aid distance runners in their recovery capacity and, in particular, help female runners build up strength and endurance. He did advise against wanton use of amphetamines as the could cause a hear attack. “But they will make you run a little faster so the choice is yours”, Dr. Johnson continued.

Russian shot-putter Olga Svenson was taking steroids even before she received the news. “Look at my clitoris”, she said as she moved her shorts off to one side. “It is almost three times bigger now. It is like penis. I have much more enjoyment of sex and can throw ball almost twice as far”.

The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) is opposed to the Olympic Committee’s decision. “We have spent years trying to prevent people from taking drugs and enjoying themselves”, said WADA spokesperson Francois Egalite. “We can’t have athletes taking things like androstenediol, androstenedione, bolasterone, boldenone, clenbuterol, clostebol, danazol, dehydrochlormethyltestosterone, dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), dihydrotestosterone, drostanolone, fluoxymesterone, formebolone, gestrinone, mesterolone, metandienone, metenolone, methandriol, methyltestosteroiie, mibolerone, nandrolone, 19-norandrostenediol, 19-norandrostenedione, norbolethone, norethandrolone, oxandrolone, oxymesterone, oxymetholone, salbutamol, stanozolol, testosterone and trenbolone! “ It just wouldn’t be right!

The newly-enhanced Olympics will be held in Turin this year. Turin officials are making the drugs available on an “as wanted” basis.

Sex with teacher approved by school committee.

2006-02-26T13:57:00.000-08:00

Springfield (SN) - In response to psychologists recommendations the Springfield school committee voted unanimously to allow 28-year-old French teacher Jane Francois to copulate with 13-year-old Jeffrey Turner.

“This boy has suffered from self-esteem problems for years”, said school committee member and psychologist Delores Johnson. “This will help improve his self-image and change him from the class punching bag into a super-cool dude that all the students will envy”.

Turner seemed excited at the prospect of having sex with his French teacher. “Wow! She’ so HOT!” he exclaimed. “Most of the guys in my class haven’t even kissed a girl yet but I’m gonna go all the way with Miss Francois!”

Miss Francois said she is looking forward to seducing her young protege. “I’ve purchased a new gown - French, of course - and I have some ice cubes and sexy underwear ready”, she said. “I hope this will make his outlook on life better and years from now he will reflect fondly on his middle school years”.

Alicia Snodgrass, the President of the local chapter of the Christian Alliance was not as enthused about the change in the boys destiny. “God will strike them all dead!” she exclaimed. “Young boys should not have sex with older women! They will burn in hell for eternity!”

Pastor Ralph Fletcher of Children of God Church didn’t agree with Ms. Snodgrass. “The Virgin Mary was only 13", the Pastor stated. “Prior to the 20th Century all the young boys were having sex with girls. It’s the American Way!”

Some of his classmates were noteably envious of Turners good fortune. School bully Jimmy Trenton, age 14, said, “why does he get to have sex with her? He’s such a weinie! I’m the one who should be doin her”. School counsilor Deanna Jenkins has already explained to Trenton that his beligerent attitude and disregard for the happiness of his classmates may prevent him from ever having sex.

“I don’t care. What they do is none of my business”, said Sherry Cargill, one of the more mature girls in Turner’s class.

The school plans a rally at 1PM for Turner and Francois. The act will be consumated shortly thereafter.

Stature of Liberty Inscription to Change

2006-02-24T12:02:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be better to make this a new story:

NY (SN) - President Bush announced today that the inscription on the Staue of Liberty will be changed in order to combat illegal immigration and terrorism. The inscription currently reads:

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

The new inscription will read:

"Give me your well-rested, your wealthy,
Your elite few yearning to spend free,
The most fortunate of your hotel-dotted shore.
Send these, the ones with big mansions and expendable income to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door - Just make sure you fill out the proper paperwork"

“We have had too many immigrants and terrorists taking advantage of this inscription for far too long”, Bush said in a prepared statement, “We will no longer tolerate these kinds of people coming to our great country, making messes and destroying our nation”.

Newly appointed Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff said, “the inscription on the Statue is an open invitation to terrorists that it is OK to attack our country. I am proud to say that for the poor and evil the lamp has been extinguished and the golden door has been slammed shut”.

Eduardo Aguirre Jr, who heads the Homeland Security Department's Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services gave some surpprising statistics.

“Between 2001 and 2004 we had 3,780,019 immigrants to this country. Of that 3,780,019, almost 90% of them were tired, whether from jet lag or whatever. Over 50% had incomes below $30,000 a year thus qualifying them as poor. Nearly 1/3 were huddled masses. Another 1/3 was wretched refuse from teeming shores. 785,000 were tempest-tossed. Among those tempest-tossed nearly 50% were also homeless! In other words, we are not getting the quality of immigrants this country so desperately needs and deserves. By changing the inscription on the Statue we have effectively told the world we don’t want their scum, we don’t need them and we won’t take them!”

“The 9/11 terrorists were undoubtedly tempest-tossed”, said Aguirre . “I suspect some of them were also wretched refuse of the teeming shores of the United Arab Emirates. If they had the money we would welcome them with open arms and let them buy up shipping ports but these terrorist guys are not in that league”.

Some people interviewd were not as enthusiastic about the change to the Statue. Long Island businessman Joe Cabrera said, “granted, it doesn’t mean anything anymore but it’s got sentimental value. I think we should leave it alone”.

Halliburton, Inc. Will oversee the changes to the Statue. Expected costs for the Statue of Liberty modernization are expected to be in the $350 million range.

How Our Country Has Changed!

2006-02-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

There was once a time in America when immigrants were welcomed with open arms. Our country thrived off immigration. Now we are spending countless millions trying to prevent Mexicans from coming into this country even though they will gladly do back-breaking work for $3.00 an hour that we can't pay Americans enough for. The inscription on the Staue of Liberty reads:

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

Today it can be translated as:

"Give me your well-rested, your wealthy,
Your elite few yearning to spend free,
The most fortunate of your hotel-dotted shore.
Send these, the ones with big mansions and expendable income to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door. - Just make sure you fill out the proper paperwork"

Of course, it's not just Mexicans. I know of a fairly wealthy Japanese man and his Filipino wife who had lived in this country for 20 years. As it turns out, he made an error in filling out his green card application when he first arrived. Everything was fine until 9/11. They had two homes, paid their taxes and lived life as normal Americans. Their son was enrolled at MIT. Sure enough they were deported! Last I heard their son who was only a year old when they moved here was kicked out of MIT and was also being deported despite the fact that he didn't speak Japanese or understand the culture. However, their 19 year old daughter was born here and was allowed to stay.

I'm not saying "let everyone in". I'm just questioning what happened to the values this country was founded on?

My Grandma is 101!

2006-02-22T11:58:00.000-08:00

She has lived through it all. When she was born in 1905 most people were still riding horses. The airplane hadn't been invented yet. The radio was still in its infancy having been invented only 9 years before. Women were not allowed to vote. Teddy Roosevelt was President. She knew her great-grandfather well. He was born in 1820 - when Thomas Jefferson was still alive - and died in 1922 at 102!

Of course, my grandma has taken good care of herself. The two packs a day she smoked for 88 years have given her strong lungs (She's had to cut back to 6 cigarettes a day in the nursing home). She always had lots of packaged cookies and store-bought donuts in her drawer when we were kids. Exercise? Not if there's something good on TV!

I don't think I want to get that old. When she dies we won't even have to cremate her. Just crinkle her up.

Victory in Iraq is OURS!!!

2006-02-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

Dear readers, Bush's war has not been a failure! I had an epiphany! This hasn't happened yet but it WILL happen! Soon Iraq will have Dunkin Donuts and Little Debby Snack Cakes and McDonalds and all the children will sit at their Playstations and become nice and fat like American kids! Peace and prosperity will rule as Walmart moves in with their Chinese imported jeans and underwear! Some of the rich adults will sit at outdoor Starbucks cafes drinking lattees and eating scones! Alcohol will no longer be banned as everyone becomes Christians and they start drinking Budweiser and Miller and having cocktails after work! Everyone will download porn as the women takes off their veils and show everyone what's underneath!

I foresee a great land that looks just like America except everyone has darker skin! I see a time when everyone sings "God Bless America" and the US "National Anthem" as they emphasive the part about "bombs bursting in air"! George W. Bush will become the Partron Saint of Iraq!

And they will have free elections so they can vote idiots into office like we do! Won't that be swell???

?

Let Athletes Take Whatever They Want!

2006-02-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of press about the doping of the Winter Games. If I was in charge of the Olympics I'd say "Take whatever the hell you want. It's your body and your future!" Suddenly we would see records broken like never before! People would be running the miles in two minutes! Weightlifters would be able to lift a thousand pounds! High jumpers would be jumping 20 feet! Long jumpers jumping 50 feet! Everyone would say "Oooh" and "Aaahhh!" as the amazing athletes perform unhindered. Urine would be something to be flushed away and not analyzed under a microscope!

Of course, all the athletes would be dead in 10 years but - who cares???

Why Does Cheney Kill?

2006-02-15T15:43:00.000-08:00

Isn't there somethng seriously wrong with a guy that kills animals just for the sport? Obviously, Cheney is not hungry. He just enjoys killing! I heard that he killed over 70 quail (not counting the lawyer) with no intention of eating them. And this man could become President?

We NEED Government Criminals!

2006-02-12T16:31:00.000-08:00

Most of us know that Abramoff and a couple of other members of the Republican Party have admitted guilt. It would not be in our best interests to get rid of all the criminals we have in government. If we did there would BE NO GOVERNMENT! Anarchy would reign! Businesses would collapse! Most of the police would have to resign! The military would crumble! The entire planet as we know it would be destroyed! Let's either PRAISE the criminals we have now or simply impeach Bush throw out his cabinet. That would be a good start.

70 Virgins After Death?

2006-02-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

I will reserve comment on WW3 starting over the cartoons. But I do have to question why the Muslim faith assures everyone of 70 virgins after they die. Is this a good thing? I was with a virgin back in 1985 - for the last time. Most virgins do not enjoy sex the first time. There's screaming, crying, guilt and pain. Then the gal falls in love with you and becomes insanely jealous! So now you've got 70 now-ex-virgins killing each other and calling you all hours of the night and day. And if that ain't enough, you may start off with 70 virgins but after a couple of months you've got 70 nagging bitches - FOR ETERNITY!

Why doesn't the Muslim faith simply tell everyone, "after you die you're going to hell"?

Russians/Iranians Develop Sunburn Missile. US Retaliates.

2006-02-04T10:44:00.000-08:00

Washington (AP) - Russia has succeeded in creating the most powerful cruise missile known to mankind calling it the "Sunburn Missile" (http://www.rense.com/general59/theSunburniransawesome.htm). This missile presents a threat to the entire US Naval operation in Iraq and elsewhere. To retaliate, the US has developed the "Really Nice Tan" missile.

"The Really Nice Tan is a better missile than the Sunburn" said Navy Admiral Luke Feingold. "Our missile will produce more devastation over a longer period of time because the people don't even know they're being attacked".

"We can't allow those Russians to be better at anything than us because they will sell their technology to evil people like Iran, Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro then blow up the world with it", Feingold continued. "We need the world to raise children and make money. I have consulted with our Commander In Chief and he agrees we are better than they are".

President Bush was not aware he was Commader In Chief and was unavailable for comment.

Pollution Will Stop Global Warming!

2006-02-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

Scientists have found the cure for Global Warming in China. Pollution! According to Fox News (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,183085,00.html) "China's skies have darkened over the past 50 years, possibly due to haze resulting from a nine-fold increase in fossil fuel emissions, according to researchers from the U.S. Department of Energy." The article goes on to say that this Chinese region is actually cooler than the rest of China because of the pollution! The article also states ""The pollution (that) resulted from human activity may have created a haze which absorbs and deflects the sun's rays," Qian, the study's lead author, said in an e-mail interview Friday."

Damn! All this time we've been trying to get rid of pollution and we should actually be making more! We all know the sun causes skin cancer. But with an atmosphere full of particulates the sun never reaches the Earth and humanity is saved!

Leave it to the right-leaning Fox News to give us the straight answers! Let's all thunb our noses at those "environmentalists". I read another article some time ago that states that plants are a major source of global warming. So, if we just kill all the plants and pollute the atmoshpere then we will live longer, more productive lives and have a healthier planet!

Thank God for science!

More About Nursery Rhymes

2006-01-29T13:45:00.000-08:00

I had previously posted about the horrors of childrens nursery rhymes but further inspection reveals the problem to be much worse than I feared. I recall the "Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe". It goes as follow:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly
And put them to bed.

Here's a lady living in the most horrible abject poverty, starving and whipping her children. We read this stuff to kids?

How about the famous "Ring Around the Rosey"? Here's the facts on that one:

The words to the Ring around the rosy children's ring game have their origin in English history . The historical period dates back to the Great Plague of London in 1665 (bubonic plague) or even before when the first outbreak of the Plague hit England in the 1300's. The symptoms of the plague included a rosy red rash in the shape of a ring on the skin (Ring around the rosy). Pockets and pouches were filled with sweet smelling herbs ( or posies) which were carried due to the belief that the disease was transmitted by bad smells. The term "Ashes Ashes" refers to the cremation of the dead bodies! The death rate was over 60% and the plague was only halted by the Great Fire of London in 1666 which killed the rats which carried the disease which was transmitting via water sources.

Damn! 3-year-old are into this stuff! How about Red Riding Hood where the grandmother gets eaten. Or Snow White where the hottest babe in the land is living with seven horny dwarves?

It never ends!

Everyone Should Start Smoking.

2006-01-27T13:26:00.000-08:00

Over the past 20 years obesity has become epidemic in this country. There was once a time when very few Americans were obese. Why? Because eveyone smoked! When people quit smoking they gained weight. Now people don't smoke and they are fat. The solution to the obesity problem is quite simple. Everyone start smoking! We would see fewer deaths from obesity related illnesses and diabetes would no longer be such a health threat! Why can comedians figure this out and doctors can't?

MURDER VS WAR - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

2006-01-27T12:36:00.000-08:00

I am certainly not the first person to ever think of this. When a person kills another person in this country he is called a murderer. That person is either put in jail for life or executed. However, when a person kills another person in a war he is a HERO! And the more people he kills more of a hero he is. Lemme think. If I can kill a thousand strangers in a war then I get to meet the President, get medals and go down in history as a great war hero. However, if I kill one person not in a war then I am branded as the most horrible person to walk the face of the Earth. So, when your government tells you to kill then killing is a good thing but don't do it unless they TELL you to!

REAL Source of Global Warming Found!!!

2006-01-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

The ture source of global warming has been founbd and it has NOTHING to do with us! It seems PLANTS have been causing the trouble! Check out http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060111/sc_nm/environment_methane_dc
The must be a special variety of "farting plant" because they produce methane and contribute to 30% of global warming! This should be the news of the century! The obvious solution is to KILL THE PLANTS!!! If we kill the plants then we can produce all the pollution we want guilt-free!

Would THIS Put You To Sleep???

2006-01-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

I was at a friends house the other night as she was singin her baby off to sleep with a children's Lullaby. The song goes as such:

Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

The beginning of this ballad is indeed relaxing. The kid is rocking gently with the wind and it's very peaceful. But it takes on a whole new significance toward the end of the song when the branch breaks and the baby comes crashing to the ground! I can only envision the remains of the baby lying there in a pool of blood with a tree branch sticking through the cradle! This is one of the most gruesome things that can happen to either a baby or a parent! And we expect this disturbing nightmare to put kids to SLEEP???!!! This song must have been written by either a child abuser or a sociopath!

Of course, even bedtime stroies such as "Hansel & Gretel" are supposed to lull children off to slumber. Here is the story of two children who rob the lady, eat her house then throw her into an oven and watch her cook to death!

Is it any wonder kids are messed up?

Flaws Found in Intelligent Design Theory.

2005-12-20T18:17:00.000-08:00

In an announcement sure to rock the scientific world, Dr. Jack Harvey, a noted biochemist, claims he has found several flaws in the scientifically regarded theory of "intelligent design".

"There are several aspects to the theory that just don't fit together", Dr. Harvey claims. "Penguins, for example. Why would any intelligent being design such a bird, unless as a cruel joke". Harvey claims that the birds awkward motions and inability to fly are not intelligent at all. "In fact, Dr. Harvey continues, "this bird is the work of a total moron".

Dr Harvey also claims that mosquitos, flies and many forms of bacteria are also not intelligently designed. "Not to mention ostiches", Harvey says, "Have you ever seen a more ridiculous looking animal?"

Harvey claims that even human beings have faults which a truly intelligent being would have solved before being placed on Earth. "Some humans are fine", he said, "while others tend toward obesity or develop some sort of illness. A truly intelligent creator would not have allowed such discrepancies".

Dr. Rob Weinstein, a respected molecular biologist, disagreed with Harvey's statements. "Harvey has no idea what he's talking about", Weinstein stated, "even the smartest of us make little mistakes. To err is human!"

Some scientists say that Havey's claims bolster the ridiculous idea of "evolution".

Cox Merges With Ucker

2005-12-13T12:35:00.000-08:00

Atlanta, GA multi-media provider Cox Communications completed its planned merger with Ucker Media, a California based provider of internet services. The company will be re-named Cox-Ucker Inc.

Cox Communications has been a leader in the southwest for nearly 10 years. Most of the men and women in the South have Cox.

“I’ve always enjoyed Cox”, said Phoenix resident Sylvia Grant.

“I have enjoyed Cox for several years”, intoned area business manager John Stelling, “I hope this new Cox-Ucker can do just as well”.

Some people were not quite as enthusisatic about the recent merger. Area business owner Ralph Guspacho said, “Cox-Ucker can suck my (expletive deleted).

Martha Focker, a Cox-Ucker spokesperson said, “with the merger of these two powerhouses we will provided Cox-Ucker to most of the homes and businesses in the southwest and 18 states. This will pave the way for easier high-speed internet, cable TV, telephone and other Cox-Ucker services”.

Focker also stated that the new company will build a 50 story office building in downtown Atlanta, GA. The company plans to remove existing businesses with the newly revised “eminent domain” laws. Focker says that the Cox-Ucker empire is worth more to the community than a few apartments, stores and family restaurants.

“The eminent domain laws save the company money” she stated, “Instead of having to offer three or four times the market rate to buy the businessess out we can simply pay below-market rates and have the government kick them out. Of course, we will pass the savings along to the consumers”.

The company has changed all of its letterhead and business cards. Their office answering system already greets customers with “Thank you for calling Cox-Ucker...”

A spokesman for Qwest Communications, formerly Cox biggest competitor said, “We can’t compete against this Cox-Ucker. We must devise a new plan to prevent Cox-Ucker from driving us out of business!”

Newly appointed Cox-Ucker CEO George Graverly said in a prepared statement, “We intend on providing the best services to our customers and investors. Our new motto is Do Buisness the Cox-Ucker Way”.

There have been fears of massive layoffs and restructuring. To allay these fears, Graverly suggested that people who don't want to work for the company should quit.

When A Cop Pulls You Over, What Do You Say?

2005-11-27T08:25:00.000-08:00

Of course, Cops ask stupid questions when they pull people over. And we are forced to give the wrong answer as there is no RIGHT answer.

For example, a cop pulls you over and inevitably says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

How does one answer this? If I say "no" then it looks like I'm a careless and reckless driver with no conscious idea of what I'm doing. If I say "yes" then it looks like I'm deliberatly thumbing my nose at the law. In either case, I am forced to incriminate myself. But we can't exercise our Constitutional right to silence either because that would make us look even more guilty.

Perhaps honesty if the best policy. "Yes sir. I was going 90MPH in a 35MPH lane. Please write me a ticket and bring me to jail."

Nah! That won't work. Anyone have any suggestions?

Save The Trees Before It's Too Late!

2005-11-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago I was at Six Flags Amusement Park with my girlfriend. After coming off the Tilta-A-Wheel I headed for a nearby tree to steady myself. I pulled a couple of leaves off the tree. A pot-bellied security guard spotted me and shouted, "Hey You!" At first I ignored him because I didn't realize I am the "you" he was referring to. He approached me.

"Hey Pal, did you just pull some leaves off that tree?"

I put my hand with the offending leaves behind my back and dropped them. "Why no, officer", I replied, knowing full well that he's not a police officer and that no police force in the country would ever even let this guy into the station without locking him up.

"I saw you do it!" Right then I knew that I was busted. "We have rules against people pulling the leaves off trees here!" he shouted. "What would happen if everyone started pulling the leaves off that trees".

I thought about this situation. It had never occured to me before. There are 100,000 visitors to that park every day. There are 300 million people in this country. If EVERYONE pulled a couple of leaves off that tree within hours the tree would be stripped bare! Then they would move on to the other trees in the park and start pulling their leaves off. Within a couple of weeks the entire park would be leafless! People, in their mad desire to defoliate, would then start ripping the leaves off any tree they saw! Within months the entire country would be defoliated! This phenomenon would spread to the rest of the world! People in the Amazon would have the entire rain forest plucked clean in days! The Earth would become polluted with CO2. The oceans would dry up! Humanity and life as we know it would be wiped out within 10 years! The Earth would burn to a cinder!!!

"I'm sorry sir", I said to the guard. "I guess it's a good thing EVERYONE doesn't do that".

"Just don't do it again", the guard said smuggly.

By preventing me from plucking leaves off the tree the guard had inadvertently saved humanity. My girlfiend and I went out and bought corn dogs. I took mine and shoved it up his ass.

Lighten up pal.

Is Porn Really So Bad?

2005-10-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

I have heard that porn is considered "degrading" and "offensive" to women. However, most porn also involves guys! Are the guys not offended and degraded? We must ask ourselves "what is porn?" Porn is someone reading erotic stories or looking at pictures of nude women or men for the purpose of sexual gratification. It is an alternative or a precursor to "real sex". However, isn't every one of us the result of some horny guy getting aroused over a nude and (hopefully) horny woman? Thanks to porn even ugly people can get laid! Without naked women, erect penises and moist vaginas babies would not be born, productivity would decline, buisnessess would fail and within a hundred years the entire human race would cease to exist! Let's support Playboy and Penthouse and Hustler as they are paving the way for the future of the world! If porn is outlawed then only outlaws will have porn! As our civilization declines for a lack of porn I, for one, refuse to be the cause of the problem! Let's take off our clothes and run naked into the streets, take pictures of each other and celebrate horniness and procreation! Who's with me?

Mars Probes Vanish!

2005-10-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

Being somewhat of a science buff I find it interesting to follow the news of all the various probes and satellites we have circling the Red Planet. However, it strikes me as odd that various "unexplained" things have been happening. A Martian probe had discovered the supposed crash site oof another martian probe but when the probe went to look a second time the supposed crash site had vanished! Another Mars probe was looking into the possibility of life on Mars by detecting methane in the atmosphere combined with water. As the probe went to examine this intriguing area where an abundance of methane was detected that probe too vanished! Of course, we all know methane is created by farting. It is a highly unstable gas that won't exist on its own for more than a couple hundred years. I suspect there are intelligent life forms on Mars trying to deter us from discovering their identity and they are causing our probes to crash! On the plus side, one of the Martian rovers was so covered in dust that it was nearly non-functional. Then, one night, all the solar panels were mysteriously swept clean! Scientists have no explanation. Could there be intelligent creatures on Mars? Or is it more likeley that out space program is inept? Or a combination of all three?

Stained Dress vs Slaughter of a Nation

2005-10-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we all clearly recall the Clinton "sex scandal" where Clinton and Monica did some silly things with cigars. Why has that receieved more attention than the ruthless, illegal and unnecessary slaughter and brutal maimining of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens and thousands of our soldiers? Why has Bush's ineptitude toward hurricane Katrina been swept under the rug? Why aren't we reading more about the dismal state of our economy? But, more importantly, why does ANYONE still support Bush and his band of imbeciles?

Christmas is Coming - Fuck Rudolph.

2005-10-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

As the Christmas season draws near in this time of "political correctness" I suggest we drop the sappy Christmas story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Though most childrens stories are politically incorrect, few stories in history have been as politically incorrect as this one.

We will note that Rudolph was born with a disability and the other reindeer children constantly taunted him, called him names and probably beat the shit out of him. His red nose was most likely either a genetic mutation or the result of alcoholic parents. This teaches children that "it's not ok to be different". Where was Santa while Rudolph was being so mercilessly harrassed by these youthful miscreants? Why were no measures taken to control the schoolyard bullying? Where were Rudolph's parents?

Later in the story Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh because his nose was a fucking beacon. Rudolph could have taken offense at this point and told Santa to go fuck himself. Instead he plays the hero and accepts Santa's offer to guide the sleigh. THEN all the reindeer loved him! They couldn't just accept him as he was but he had to prove that his mutation had some sort of merit before he would be accepted among his peers.

In todays society such abuse would not be tolerated. Rudolph could have grown into a serial-killing reindeer or engaged in a Colombine-style mass murder. Do we really want our children to be exposed to such things?

Bush appoints gal pal to cushy lifetime post!

2005-10-03T16:49:00.000-07:00

Harriet Miers, who has never been anything but a sleazy lawyer, is Bush's newest appointment to the Supreme Court. Isn't that great news! For the next 20-30 years the court is going to be filled with Bush's Teach-Intelligent-Design-In-Schools idiot friends! There was once a time in which Supreme Court nominees served as a judge SOMEWHERE before they were appointed. If my life or liberty was on the line the last person I would want hearing my case is someone Bush appointed. I would be guaranteed injustice!

Saudi Nationals are healthier than poor people.

2005-09-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

It seems a Saudia National has been given a liver transplant over 52 others on the waiting list ahead of him. Check out http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2005/ca_liver_transplant.html for more information on how money can buy a longer life span! I suspect the doctors involved here have been, shall we say, paid off? This Saudi guy paid over 300,000 bucks more than an insurance company would have paid. That's enough to keep a couple of doctors in a swanky country club for a whole year! I wish I had that kind of dough. Of course, I'm glad I'm poor enough to not need a liver transplant!

The World is run by IDIOTS!

2005-09-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Lemme see. We have had more hurricanes in the past year than at any time in history. Hurricanes are caused by warm temperatures in the seas. We have Global Warming. Thus, it would seem logical to assume that Global Warming in contributing to these hurricanes. However, the Bush administration and some idiot scientists are reluctant to admit this! An article on Yahoo reads in part:

"Nanette Lomarda, acting chief of the tropical cyclone program division at the
World Meteorological Organization (WMO), also noted that the number of category 4 and 5 storms over that ocean had nearly doubled over the past 35 years.

But it was "premature" to say the frequency and intensity of hurricanes in the past decade -- fueled by higher sea surface temperatures -- is attributable to global warming, she said, adding that more research was needed to establish any link."

Granted, I ain't no chief of any tropical cyclone program, but high school science tells us that there is a DEFINITE FUCKING LINK! I suspect Bush has either brainwashed or paid off this lady as she is contradicting what most intelligent scientists are saying! GLOBAL WARMING CAUSES HURRICANES!

Bush and his idiot friends would never admit to this as admitting to global warming means businesses would have to change the way they manufacture in order to stop global warming. This would be very expensive for the businesses and they would have to raise their prices and not make as much profit. Meanwhile, we all die in hurricanes and the fish die from the warm seas. Get it?

We should all be RODENTS!

2005-09-20T09:55:00.000-07:00

If we were all mice we would have found a cure for cancer many years ago and people would be living longer, more productive lives. Now it seems stem cells could save dying hearts in animals - but not people yet. An article in Nature Magazine reads in part:

"Studies have already shown that embryonic stem cells can improve blood flow after an attack in small animals, such as rodents. But in people, ethical controversies have slowed research into the benefits of embryonic stem cells for ailing hearts."

What is so unethical about wanting to save humanity? It seems George Bush and his pals have decided saving people from suffering is "unethical". Maybe we need a new definition for "ethical"?

It's not GLOBAL WARMING...It's BUSINESS!

2005-09-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

It seems a Federal Judge has decided that people do not have the right sue the utilities industry for destroying the atmoshpere thus endangering all our lives. Instead, it's the decisison of out fearless leader GW Bush to decide these things. The article in Yahoo News reads in part:

"A New York federal judge dismissed a global warming lawsuit brought by eight states and the city of New York against five utilities, saying the issue is one for Congress or the president, not the judiciary.

The states filed suit against American Electric Power Co. Inc., Southern Co., Xcel Energy Inc., Cinergy Corp., and the Tennessee Valley Authority public power system in July 2004 asking the court to force the utilities to cut their carbon-dioxide emissions."

Now, I must ask, do you think Bush is going to do anything about these companies causing Global Warming? Bush has repeatedly placed business above human life. Here's a man that actually believes in creationism and thinks the world is 10,000 years old. Could we possibly have a stupider person in charge of the destiny of the world?

The US Constitution is Squeezeably Soft!

2005-09-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Between Bush and the Supreme Court the Constitution has become nothing more than toilet paper. Bush and his cronies have trampled our rights out of existence. Only the rich and large corporations have "rights". Jose Padilla, an American citizen, has been locked up as a suspected terrorist for two years WITHOUT CHARGES! It seems The Supreme Court has ruled that this is OK! Whatever happened to that old-fashioned "due process" stuff? Bodies are floating down the streets in New Orleans because Bush would not allow federal money put toward strengthening levees and delayed depoying National Guard troops were not deployed until too late despite the governor begging to do so. Bush seemed to do a noble thing when he started giving out $2,000 vouchers for the hurricane victims then abruptly stopped the program - except for people in the Houston Astrodome in Bush's state of Texas. Halliburton has been directed to do the "rebuilding" of Louisiana and Mississippi in a no-bid contract. Small businesses are being torn down under "eminent domain" laws so large businesses can put up shopping malls. Hundreds of thousands are dying in Iraq for no reason. He has repeatedly stated his objection to stem cell research which could alleviate suffering for millions. How many bodies does it require for America to wake up and realize this man is UNFIT???

We must blame the people.

2005-09-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid we must blame the people for their suffering in the aftermath of Harricane Katrina. The people in these affected areas are primarily poor, uneducated, mostly black and are the antithesis of everything Bush and his administration represent. If these people only had the the good fortune to be born into white, upper class families and had expensive homes then the levees would have been strengthened long ago, the National Guard would have responded much faster and much of this disaster would have been averted or dealt with more quickly and with a minimal loss of life. There would be no bodies floating or SuperDomes erupting as the people would have simply gotten into their late model Mercedes or BMW's, checked into fancy hotels and immediately purchased new homes elsewhere thus contributing to the economy. So let's not blame the government for what is glaringly the peoples fault!

Micheal Moore

2005-09-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

Please read Micheal Moore's blog and the article in it from Cindy Sheehan: http://www.michaelmoore.com/

Bush Declares War on God

2005-08-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

(Washinton DC) - In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina President George W. Bush announced war on Heaven and God.

"We must take God out", Bush said in a statement this afternoon. "These 'Acts of God' have caused widespread problems for me and my administration. He has instigated tsunamis, disease, earthquakes, floods and now the devastation of hurricane Katrina. These acts of terrorism against the American people cannot be allowed to continue."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld reiterated Bush's statement and drew up a military line of action against The Almighty.

"We will be withdrawing troops from Iraq and Afghanistan in an all-out attack against the evil dictator God and his armies in Heaven", Rumsfeld said in a prepared statement. "The devastation of Katrina alone makes 9/11 look like a circus act". When asked what he meant by "circus act" Rumsfeld replied, "You know, a cirus act, you idiot. Do I have to explain everything?" Rumsfled continued, "we cannot allow the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. God got more Weapons of Mass Destruction than even the United States! This war may have to be nuclear as conventional weapons won't reach the heavens".

Dr. Condoleezza Rice, the Assistant to the President for National Security Affairs, commonly referred to as the National Security Advisor, said "anyone found worshipping or making offerings to God will be imprisoned. This includes all Christian, Jewish and Muslim churches, synagogues, temples and home Bible studies. Buddhist temples and other non-deity religions will be exempt from this order".

Some Christian rights organization has expressed dispproval with Bush's plan. Rev. Stanislaw Fortran of Holy Roller United Methodist church said, "haven't we done enough to piss God off? This is just gonna piss him off more! All he has to do is snap his fingers and he'll wipe out the planet"

"How can you declare wat against something that doesn't exist?" asked a local area Buddhist who asked not to be identified. Rumsfeld was unavailable to comment on this important issue.

Bush has reportendy aligned with Lord-of-the-Underworld Satan as his ally. "Satan and I have been working well togther since the beginning of my administration, Bush said, "He has promised to assist me in my planned takeover of heaven and the removal of God from Power".

Bush has also drawn up a new Constitution for the People of Heaven. "The People of Heaven have been under this dictator for too long", Bush said. "We have drawn up a Constituion to allow them to freely elect a new God every four years".

Satan was unavailable for comment.

Hurricanes, famine, death and other Acts of God.

2005-08-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

I am a Buddhist so I am probably not qualified to write about this but I grew up Catholic. Why is it that natural disasters are refered to as "Acts of God"? As I recall, God is supposed to be loving and forgiving. The Hurricane in Louisiana is a giant Act of God. Maybe God is really an asshole?

We now have "reverse evolution".

2005-08-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

Throughout mankind's anthropological history the more intelligent apes have always been the ones to survive while the lesser intelligent apes perished. However, now that we have evolved into 21st Century Humans, our course of evolution is starting to turn back. Less-intelligent people are mating with equally inferior intellects thus producing many children of even lesser intellect than their parents. Meanwhile, the smarter beings are using birth control as they are aware that the population of the Earth is nearing its maximum and the smarter people are also aware of how difficult it is to feed more than 2 children. As more and more lesser-intellects are entering the work force we begin to see tell-tale signs of "devolution" such as increased crime, more war, more poverty and electing George W. Bush as President.

Thank God for Chocolate!

2005-08-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

Scientists have discovered that chocolate contain flavenoids which have potent anti-cancer properties. That's great news! This means that we don't have to feel guilty about eating chocolate anymore! When people tell you that you eat too much chocolate simply tell them, "If I don't eat chocolate I will get cancer and die!" I have often wondered how my grandma has so far lived to the ripe age of 100 despite being a heavy smoker then I remember the gobs of chocolate she always had in the house.

Men working my ass!

2005-08-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

I took this photo in the Arizona desert. Not a soul around for miles! And the sign seems s bit sexist to me. A woman can do nothing just as well as a man!

Everyone must die!

2005-08-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

Once again, Bush has invoked the sacred name of 9/11 to justify attacking Iraq (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050820/ts_nm/bush_dc). The thing he and many pinheads don't seem to comprehend is that Iraq had NOTHING TO DO WITH 9/11! Why isn't there a bigger public outcry against this war? During the 60's we had anti-war rallies, pot smoking, peace signs and general defiance. I find it deplorable that ANYONE would support this war! I sopke to a Christian the other day and he (and many other Christians) supports the war! Did Jesus say, "if they don't agree with us, kill them" or "do unto other BEFORE they do unto you"? I think if Jesus was here he'd just shit.

Grown up female teachers have sex with young male students.

2005-08-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

Beth Giesel, a female teacher, had sex with one of her male students. So, what's the problem here? Granted, the lady is a bit twisted for having sex with a 13 or 14 year old but I doubt the young man was "traumatized" by the event. Does she need to go to prison while all the boys friends are high-fiving him saying, "cool dude!" I would have loved to have sex with Ms. Charles or some of the other hot teachers I had at that age. Is this rape? Prior to the 19th century if you were not married by the time you were 16 you were considered a homo. It may be different for girls but I have heard that the "Virgin" Mary was only 13! God did it to Mary when she was just a kid! Who's gonna lock up God?

Why is Bush still free?

2005-08-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

We finally locked up the notorious Dennis Rader, the famed BTK serial killer. Hooray! After all, he murdered 10 people! But the most heinous serial killer of all, George W. Bush, is still walking around a free man! He has needlessly killed hundreds of thousands and left a nation in shambles! His opposition to stem cell research may result in trmendous suffering for millions of people far into the future. His economic policies which favor big business over the individual will leave us and our grandchildren striving to survive! If a non-leader-of-the-free-world did one one thousand of the things Bush does he would be executed immediatly. Why not do the same to Bush???

Leaving the toilet seat up.

2005-08-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

I once asked my girlfriend why she was so upset about me leaving the toilet seat up. She explained, "when I was nine years old my Uncle left the toilet seat up and I fell in". So I figured it out. She takes about 6 pisses a day for 47 years. That makes 102,930 pisses. Out of that 102,930 pisses she falls in ONCE??? That's not enough for me to have to bear this burden of putting the seat down for the rest of my life. Now, if she had fallen in, say, 5 or 6 thousand times then I would say she has a legitimate complaint. Also, I take a crap every day and I've never fallen in! And I've never pissed on the toilet seat when it's been left down! Some things I may never understand no matter how often it's explained to me. I guess I'm...A GUY!

I can't eat enough!

2005-08-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

I went to an "all-you-can-eat" Chinese buffet yesterday. The whole thing cost only 4 bucks so I won't complain about the poor quality of the food. As I was sitting there eating my meager portion two enormous fat people came in and heaped huge piles of food onto each of their plates. After they consumed enough to feed the Seventh Fleet they went back for seconds - then thirds! I struggled to have a second tiny plate but I couldn't finish it. I'm thinking to myself, "those people are getting a great deal. They couldn't eat at home for that price. I am the one getting ripped off!" But I began to remember that this is America! The Land of Plenty! Obesity is rampant here. I am the one who is being left out! Even with my extra 10 pounds I am only 185lbs. Each of these folks must have been in the 400lb range. Someday I'm going to fast for two days, smoke a joint then go into that place and eat EVERYTHING! I will be there from opening to close.

What the fuck is this about???

2005-08-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

I noticed I had a new comment on one of my postings this morning and it seems some pinhead is trying to get me to invest! I recall the good old days when spam was reserved for email. Now it has festered into blogger comments. At first I thought to myself, does anyone really think this type of "advertising" really works? Is there a single individual in the world who would fall for this bullshit. But then I remember, this is the country that voted for George W. Bush so anything stupid is not outside the realm of possibility. Is anyone else getting this??? Here's the post:

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# posted by joeyss04wenelson : 2:33 PM

The Space Shuttle - another Bush Success!

2005-08-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

When the Colombia Shuttle exploded on re-entry into Earth's atmoshpere NASA spent over $1 Billion to make sure the foam didn't come off the rocket of the next shuttle as it jettisoned into space. So what happens? The foam came off as the Shuttle jettisoned into space! You would think that for a BILLION DOLLARS a team of scientists could find a strong enough glue to prevent that from happening again! As we see, everyting GW Bush touches turns to shit! I think we should put Bush into space. And make sure those heat shields are broken!

Stem cells are people too?

2005-07-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

There have been a few times in history in which we have elected an idiot into the White House. For example, Warren G. Harding was a pretty dim bulb. But no one compares in idiocy to George W. Bush. He opposes stem cell research on "moral" issues yet send out soldiers off to a foreign land to kill without hesitation to fight an unnecessary war. Ted Bundy killed about 200 women. Jeffrey Dahmer only killed about 20 people. Bush has killed hundreds of thousands in war alone. His opposition to stem cell research will undoubtedly result in the death of millions. Bush has earned eternity in hell.

Grand Theft Auto has a HIDDEN SEX SCENE!

2005-07-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

The most violent and dangerous video game to ever hit the market is now being owtlawed by many major retail outlets because it has a hidden sex scene! Grand Theft Auto does not hide the fact that it glorifies car theft and murder but heaven forbid there should be a sexual reference in there! This reminds me of the time I was 12 years old and my mother called the movie theater to find out why "Dirty Harry" had an R rating. She was told it's because of the violence. My mom said, "just violence? Oh, OK". That was OK for us to see! But my folks nearly freaked out when a couple of nude women appeared on the screen! In todays world violence is encouraged whereas sex and pleasure are discouraged. One President is impeached for having sex while another President is glorified for causing war. I hope we see the day when that turns around. I would like to have parents calling the cinema and allowing their kids to see the film if it's "just sex"!

Bush tells truth about socks

2005-07-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Washington (AP) - President George W. Bush who is notorious for being a compulsive liar actually told the truth at a press conference this afternoon. Near the end of the press conference Bush was asked by CNN Correspondent Dick Long what color socks he was wearing. Bush replied that he was wearing blue socks. Knowing that Bush always lied, Long insisted that Bush prove his statement. Bush lifted his pant leg and revealed, to the amazement of the media, that he was indeed sporting blue socks! Even Bush himself was surprised and he said, "well, I'll be damned!"

Later in the afternoon Bush changed into green socks but still insisted they were blue.

Long reportedly lost a $100 bet with an unnamed Fox News correspondent.

This was the first time since 1972 that Bush has actually told the truth. The 1972 incident involved an accident between Bush and an elderly woman pedestrian whereas Bush was high on cocaine and took responsibility for the crime. However, a Houston area lawyer managed to get Bush to recant his confession and his father managed to get the case and all reference to it dismissed. The elderly woman died later that day ay a nearby hospital. "She would have died someday anyway" , Bush reportedly quipped.

When told about her sons truthful statement, former First Lady Barbara Bush just beamed with pride.

“I knew he would be honest someday”, she said. “When George was a little boy he chopped down a cherry tree in our back yard. I asked him if he chopped it down and he replied, ‘no mother, I did not chop down the cherry tree. But if I did do it then it was for the good and benefit of the American people’. After that I baked him a pie”.

His father George Bush, Sr. Was equally impressed. “Barbara and I raised him to be truthful and honest”, Bush lied.

The Politics of Hair

2005-07-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

It's mostly about the hair! We all know that the majority of American men 40 and over are showing signs of baldness. However, Since the days of John F. Kennedy, one of the main deciding factors of who becomes President lies in the amount of hair a candidate possesses. As history shows, Kennedy won the election against his lesser-coiffed opponent Richard Nixon. Lyndon Johnson was balding but he was following the lead of his predecessor JFK. Richard Nixon had a "widows peak" but he always ran against bald or balding opponents thus insuring his chances of victory. Gerald Ford was a bald President but he was appointed, not elected. Then he lost the election to the fully-maned peanut farmer Jimmy Carter. Carter lost the election to the thick, slick-haired Ronald Reagan. George Bush the First, albeit slightly balding, was a bit of an anomaly as he ran against the golden-haired Mike Dukakis. Dukakis lost the election not because of his hair but because he was too short and there are too many syllables in his name (every President since Johnson has been over six foot and has a one or two syllable name). Bill Clinton obviously had the full tresses of a President. George Bush the Second also has all his hair thus ensuring his victory despite being a total idiot and war mongering piece of shit. John Kerry may have had TOO MUCH hair. A haircut may have improved his chances of victory. Is it simply coincidence that every President in the last 40 years has his hair, been tall and has easy-to-remember names or has the mentality of America simply declined so much that we no longer look for issues and qualifications than we do for appearance?

The wonderful HIPAA laws!

2005-07-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

If you're in the hospital and dying you better not expect anyone to come visit you! It seems our privacy is very important to the government. Thanks to the fairly new HIPAA (HEALTH INSURANCE PORTABILITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY ACT) laws we can expect so much privacy that hospitals can no longer even tell your friends and loved ones if you are in there without your consent or a court order. The only people they can tell are government officials! So if you are dying you can expect a call from the IRS but not your best friend. This means that if you are in an accident and breathing your last no one except government bill collectors and other people you hate will be able to see you. My dad has been in a nursing home for the past 2 years. Every so often he must go to the hospital for some procedure or another. The nurses have no problem asking me if I will consent to a life-saving procedure but they have to be screamed at to reveal his diagnosis! One time I insisted on knowing his medical condition and the nurse very abruptly replied, "I'm sorry sir, the HIPAA laws forbid revealing a patients medical condition over the phone". At the time I was living in Boston, nearly 2,000 miles from where my dad was in Florida and he has Alzheimers and is unable to give his consent. I screamed, "Fuck the HIPAA laws! Tell me my fathers fucking prognosis!!!" OK, I didn't say Fuck, I said "damn" but Fuck would have been a better word. The people at the nursing home won't even reveal his medical condition to me because of the sacred HIPAA laws. I can see myself intubated someday wondering why no one has come to see me then I'll remember HIPAA. Now we can have so much privacy we can all die alone! Isn't that swell?

Let's hear it for Government Bureaurcracy!!!

2005-07-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

Let's not forget how important Bureaurcracy is to this country! Bureaurcracy gives jobs to those who would not be intelligent enough to get one otherwise! If it were not for Bureaurcracy we would have millions more homeless! Next time you talk to an idiot government official after being kept on hold for endless hours and he transfers you to another government department who also leaves you on hold for endless hours then to be transfered to another government official who says "please hold" then transfers you back to the original number you called in on and they put you on hold you must very compassionately say to yourself, "because I am left on hold these people have jobs and are able to contribute to society and buy things at Walmart. They are NOT homeless!" When you trealize the good you are doing maybe a tear will come to your eye and your heart will be full of goodwill toward men. Or you'll just want to rip their fucking heads off.

Eminent Domain!

2005-06-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. Did you know that the government can force you out of business, destroy your home and ruin your life if it's for "the Public Good"? The Supreme Court has ruled that Big Businesses can stomp all over small businesses, steal their property and squish their buildings! It seems the eminent domain laws have been twisted beyond comprehension for the purposes of making the rich richer. All across the country people are being forced off their land so developers can build more expensive homes and shopping malls with really cool water fountains so the cities can reap more tax dollars! There was once a time when "eminent domain" could only be used for government purposes. Now it can be used by anyone with enough dough! Isn't that swell? The US Constitution has become nothing more than toilet paper as it has been so horribly manipulated by the Supreme Court! . There is no longer freedom of the press, freedom of speech and now there is no freedom to even live in your own home. The rich have taken over this country and the Supreme Court basically says "fuck everyone else"!

Saint Poop John Paul II

2005-06-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

The dead Pope John Paul II is now going to be a Saint! Isn't that swell? The Vatican council voted to make the dude a Saint. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050628/ts_nm/pope_johnpaul_dc;_ylt=Ajk_04uaQg1AiRMZRbkfqmBZ.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl
- Now, I have to ask myself, what exactly IS a Saint? Poop John Paul II went into overpopulated, starving countries and told them not to use birth control! He ignored the AIDS crisis and went so far as to blame the sufferers! He looked the other way while Priests were fondling altar boys! Are these the actions os a Saint??? Damn! All I've ever done is fooled around with married women and pissed outside a Church. I should be a Saint too!

I'm going to sue the Catholic Church!!!

2005-06-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm going to sue the Catholic Church!!! As too many people have, I grew up Catholic. I was an altar boy for St. Cecilia's Church from the ages of 11 to 13. I have read so many stories of priests sexually abusing children, particularly altar boys. In the two years I served at our church not one of the three priests ever assaulted me once! Do you know what this does to my self esteem realizing that I was not pretty enough or studly enough to be assaulted? I see my old school friends driving fancy cars and living in fancy homes with the profits they got from the Catholic Church scandal while I sit in my rented house driving an old Toyota! I want my piece of the pie! Granted, I gave up Catholicism when I was 17 because the whole religion is bullshit but that shouldn't excluse me from getting a few hundred grand to repair my damaged self esteem! I'm going to sue! Let the healing begin!

Is being gay a choice?

2005-06-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

It seems everyone has an opinion as to whether being gay is a product of genetics, environment, societal conditioning or a combination of the three. A beefy Republican friend of mine -- who claims to be "super straight" -- argues that it's a choice. He's totally anti-gay and brags about how much he hates gays. During our conversation I tried to be diplomatic with him, seeing as he was 6'3 and over 300lbs, but a moral sense of righteousness dictated that I stand my ground and prove to him that he's wrong. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Being gay is not a choice.

Him: Of course it's a choice!

Me: Look, when you were a teenager did you "decide" that women were going to make your dick hard and men were not or did it just sorta happen all by itself?

Him: I decided!!!

Me: Ok, you decided. In order for it to be a "choice" then you must get turned on by both men AND women! That means that YOU are gay my friend!

Him: I AM NOT GAY!!! (He pounds his fist on the desk and glares at me. Then he starts ranting and raving) WHO ARE YOU TO CALL ME GAY?? I'M A MARRIED MAN WITH TWO KIDS!!! I OUTA WHIP YOUR ASS HERE AN NOW!!!

I guess "ass-whipping" is a sure sign of "not being gay". His face turned flush with anger. At this point I ran for the door with him in pursuit. I was fast enough to escape him as staying in one place would have meant certain death. I haven't heard from him since.

No doubt about it. He's gay.

More love with Russian Bitch...I mean strangers

2005-05-31T18:22:00.000-07:00

Dear readers, I have been occupied with other matter such as trying to save the world and have been unable to write much on this blog. For the time being, here's another love letter that I will never answer from CupidBay.com. This lady implies that she is a total bitch but then goes on to tell me how horny this will make me:

Hi. I’m writing to you because I need such a close person in my life who will be always with me in every situation. The person, who is so close, that you will feel him even in the distance. But you will be looking very forward to meeting him.
I want to love with my whole soul and to live for the sake of it. I believe, that it will be so, that he will hear the shout of my Soul.
From my point of view, feelings play the most important role in our life; it is strange, but to all relatives I have an analytical mentality. You know, some coldness by external consideration does not show the stone heart at all, on the contrary, it can be so hot, that it can melt the ice in the heart of another person.
It is rather difficult to collect all my thoughts together to express everything I’d like to tell you about. I just hope, that the impulse of my Soul will be heard and you will necessarily answer me this message and we shall communicate with you!!!!!!!!!!! Write to me the letters on mine e-mail: Lydmilavall@yandex.ru!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With impatience I shall wait for your answer!!!!!!!!
Lydmila!!!!!

You can find love online with Russian strangers!

2005-05-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

Just for kicks I signed up with cupidbay.com. I have no interest in meeting a lover through the internet but wanted to see what kind of responses I'd get. Almost daily I get an emial from some young Russian babe who wants to get to know me better. Here's a typical email:

Greetings
How do you feeling, I simply wanted to communicate with you, it would be cheerful I think.:) Do you not against it? I know that man should take first step. But it is the Internet it gives a lot of freedom from usual stereotypes. I here spend not so a lot of time. Now I will describe a little myself, I am 24 years, my growth 168. but I think that better if you will look my photo... I hope you like it. I have frozen in this pic :) there are was a good and warm weather and I in the morning has put on easily and then the strong cold has suddenly come and even there was a snow. ооо I have a little distracted :) if you wish you can write me on my mail ekobisheva@list.ru I hope that you will write to me. By the way this your real name? :)

The fact that she is frozen may explain the overly-pointy nips and red blushing face (not shown in this blog). Her English sucks and she obviously wants to meet an American dude for money. All my readers may feel free to write her at the email address provided. I sure as hell won't.

The Universe is about to end.

2005-05-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have heard from Divine Authority (Heaven's weekly newspaper) that the Universe is about to end. God is a businessman. He invested in the universe over 14 billion years ago and still has yet to make a profit. The bank is going to forclose soon and turn the universe into a parking lot. Be prepared!

Maybe this is Bush's dream?

2005-05-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

As Mr. Bush has never found any Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq nor any reason to attack them at all he decided it was best to attack them so they can have "freedom and Democracy"! Isn't that Noble of him? Because of the US all those Muslims will soon be worshipping our God - the REAL CHRISTIAN God - Not that silly Allah God they've been worshipping. We all know, OUR God is better than THEIR God, right? Soon the children will be wearing stylin Lands End clothes, Wrangler and Levis jeans and Nike sneakers instead of those ridiculous robes and sandals they wear now! Before you know it there will be Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Creme in every town and hamlet! All the chldren wil flock to McDonald's and Burger King and get fat just like American kids! The men and women will all drink Budweiser and eat Little Debby snack cakes! The schools will all teach about how wonderful America is and how much they love us for bringing them Democracy and all around the country they will sing "God Bless America"!

Then they will vote idiots into office like we do! Wouldn't that be just swell?

What was in Popeye's can?

2005-05-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

We are all familiar with Popeye, the loveable "spinach" eating sailor. Was that REALLY spinach in his can? We will notice Popeye would consume a leafy green substance and within seconds become quick to anger, impervious to pain and with the strength of 10 men. We all know spinach does not produce this effect. I suspect Popeye actually consumed a volatile cocktail of hashish, angel dust perhaps laced with PCP and spinach as a chaser. It should be noted that Popeye frequently injected this substance through his pipe. Also, we notice his love interest was the anorexic and possibly heroin-addicted Olive Oyle. Who was the father of her bastard child SweetPea? What happened to SweetPea in school when the kids made fun of him because of his sissy name? This was never explained in the cartoon. Many cartoons showed Bluto kidnapping Olive for the intention of getting a little "kiss". Also, one cartoon showed Poeye and Bluto living together as members of the "Woman Haters Club". Does this not imply Popeye and Bluto were having a homosexual affair? Could Popeye have been the early impetus for homosexuality, drug addiction and rape in todays youth?

How to live a long life!

2005-05-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

My grandma turned 100 in January and she's still kicking. Of course, she did all the right things to live to that age. She smoked 2 packs a day, never exercised, ate fatty food and liked to drink like a lush. Now that she's 100 and living in a nursing home she has cut down on her smoking. But she still craves donuts and sweets. They say each cigarette takes 7 minutes off your life. If she didn't smoke she would have lived to be 137! And if she exercised and ate right she should have made it to 200 easy!

Changing World Technology

2005-05-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

There is a company called Changing World Technology (http://www.changingworldtech.com/) that has harnessed the powers of nature and creates actual cleaner-brning crude oil from garbage! This should be the news of the century, right? We could drmatically reduce landfills, reduce our dependence on foreign oil and help clean up the atmosphere. However, for some reason, Congress is taxing the hell out of their technology and trying to supress what they do! You would think they would be funding this company as an alternative energy solution! Can there be any doubt that Congress is in bed with the oil companies?

Is anybody reading this?

2005-05-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Let me know if you are reading this blog. If you are not, let me know that too.

The Japanese are building a nuclear plant then why can't we?

2005-05-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

The Japanese are building a nuclear plant to make plutonium but we give shit to every other country that does the same thig. The difference? MONEY! Everyone in Japan is loaded. North Korea and Iraq don't have enough dough! Also, there is no oil in Japan. I love Japan but I see no reason for them to have a plant for making plutonium -- unless they plan to build nuclear bombs! Pretty soon EVERYONE will have their own nuclear bomb. There goes the neighborhood!